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Family

Michelle Obama shares how parents can keep their identities and be more than just 'mom' or 'dad'

It's so easy to lose yourself while raising kids.

michelle obama, drew barrymore, parenting

Michelle Obama speaking during the Canadian State Visit to the White House.

When people become parents, the whole world suddenly revolves around a little bundle of joy that takes up all their time and energy. This makes it too easy for parents to let their personal aspirations, hobbies, and social lives slip away. Most of the time, it’s not a conscious choice but something that happens in the background while you’re busy caring for a child.

Then one day, you look up and wonder, where did my life go?

The big problem is that people can become so wrapped up in their identities as parents that when their children grow older and leave the house, they have no sense of self. Amy Morin, LCSW, says that this can lead to feelings of loss, loneliness, distress and conflicts with their partners.


Former First Lady Michelle Obama, the mother of two daughters in their early 20s, knows this situation all too well. She was asked how she handles being an empty nester on the “The Drew Barrymore Show,” where she explained how her parents prepared her for the role.

“What am I going to do when they do leave the nest, and it’s just me and my girlfriend and my kids living their life?” Barrymore asked Obama. “Will that be enough? Will I be enough?” she continued.

“You will always be enough,” said Obama before reflecting on a life lesson taught by her father. “The beauty of Fraser Robinson, my father, was that I saw in him a feeling of ‘enoughness' in himself,” she shared, adding that he had “every reason to be resentful about life.”

Her father taught her the value of appreciating what she has.

“If you had something on your plate that was good, and you hadn't finished it, and you were looking for more before you even enjoyed what was on your plate, you'd get in trouble,” she continued. Robinson believed that not being satisfied is “‘the thing that'll get you ... never being satisfied with what you have right here. Because it's enough. What you have is enough.’"

Obama then related Barrymore’s simple question to a more significant crisis facing many people in modern society.

“We live in a time where it feels like folks never think it's enough,” Obama added. “We're always looking at the next thing on YouTube. And we're never satisfied, ever. I've met billionaires who are not satisfied. They don't feel like it's enough.”

Then she brought the topic back to every parent who will one day look up and find their children have left the house. The good news is she thinks that with the right attitude, they'll be just fine.

“So that's the long way of saying: will you be ok? [Yes,] as long as you're ok with you,” she concluded. “As long as you know that Drew, all alone, in her chair with a book is enough, then it doesn't matter whether your kids are there. You don't need to hold on to them. It doesn't matter whether you have friends. It doesn't matter whether you have this job. You'll be enough."

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

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A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
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