Unfortunately, human beings are born with instincts, not wisdom. We know to pull our hands away from the fire when we touch a hot stove as a kid, but we may not see all the glaring red flags in the first person we fell in love with as a teenager. Your parents could have told you everything they know when you were 16, but how many of us would have really listened?
Then, as we get older, it’s hard not to feel a slight twinge of pain when we think back on the mistakes we’ve made and tell ourselves, “If only I knew then what I know now.”
Mel Robbins, 57, has become a popular figure in the world of self-help since her 2011 TED Talk, “How to stop screwing yourself over,” went viral. Since then, she has become a multimedia personality with her books The 5-Second Rule and The Let Them Theory, as well as her incredibly popular podcast.
Recently, she shared the wisdom she would give her 37-year-old self if she had the chance, and it was interesting that she chose that age as a reflection point. When a lot of people look black, they wish they could talk to themselves as a teenager or as a young adult. Instead, she chose to share what she’d tell herself when she was more established, and, just possibly, more open to hearing someone’s advice.
Here are three pieces of advice Mel Robbins would love to give her 37-year-old self
1. We get time wrong
“Change doesn’t happen over time. Change happens with one decision. You’re one decision away from a different life. If you don’t like how your life feels right now, change it. [No matter your age] make the decision today.”
2. Allow yourself to be happier
“I spent too many decades of my life blocking and fighting against being happy. I was focused on what was going wrong. I was so critical of myself. I was so mean to myself. I was constantly dragging myself down. Please decide to allow happiness in. Please decide to be kinder to yourself.”
Robbins’ advice echoes the wisdom shared by hospice nurse Bronnie Ware in her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The palliative care nurse says her terminally ill patients’ fifth biggest regret was that they never allowed themselves to be happy.
“Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice,” writes Ware. “They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
3. Your purpose can be you
I”f you don’t know what your purpose is, if you don’t know what you should focus on, in terms of change. The best project in the world is always you. You make your life, you make the world, you make relationships better by first making yourself feel better. And that begins with you treating yourself better.”
[ted https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_yourself_over expand=1 site_id=19596302]
