“I am not at peace,” wrote rapper Kid Cudi in a recent post to his Facebook page. “I haven’t been since you’ve known me.”
After checking himself into rehab on Monday, October 3, the Grammy-winning artist opened up about his long, often difficult battle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated throughout the post.
The truth is, however, that Cudi has nothing to apologize for.
Living with depression and anxiety is not some personal failing, nor is it something to feel shame about.
The World Health Organization estimates that, globally, around 350 million people have experienced depression. Left untreated, depression can lead to suicide — and, in fact, it’s the second leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 29. Each year, more than 800,000 people die by suicide.
Depression is the real deal, and there’s no need to apologize for experiencing it.
Kid Cudi performs during the 2014 Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for Coachella.
There is, however, a lot of stigma attached to it. By sharing his story, Kid Cudi is helping fight that.
A 1996 National Mental Health Association survey found that more than half of people polled view depression as “a sign of personal or emotional weakness,” and a 2002 study discovered that nearly 1 in 5 view seeking medical treatment for depression a sign of weakness. They are wrong.
Kid Cudi performs in Cannes, France. Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images.
It’s stigma like this, where people living with depression are made to feel as though they are weak, that dissuades people from seeking treatment. To step forward, despite all of this, and acknowledge that you’re struggling with depression is a brave thing to do.
Perhaps the most important thing we can all take away from Kid Cudi’s statement is that depression can be a very invisible illness to the outside world.
In lyrics, Cudi has touched on depression and anxiety. In “Lord of the Sad and Lonely,” he references Xanax, a drug prescribed to treat anxiety. In “Soundtrack 2 My Life,” he addresses his depression head-on: “I’ve got some issues that nobody can see / And all of these emotions are pouring out of me.”
Still, if you’re not paying attention, these hints can slip through the cracks. There are a number of warning signs to look out for in yourself, your friends, and your family.
Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for Coachella.
October 2-8 is Mental Health Awareness Week. This year’s theme centers on busting stigma. By opening up about his own struggles with depression, Kid Cudi is helping do just that.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
“[I don’t] like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women, that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated. I don’t think it’s fair,” Jennifer Anistontold Allure. “You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t mothering—dogs, friends, friends’ children.”
Seth Rogen got the question women always get
On the Monday, March 6 episode of “The Diary Of A CEO.”podcast, host Steven Bartlett asked actor Seth Rogen why he’s childless, and it was a rare moment where a man in the public eye was challenged on the topic. Rogen gave a thoughtful explanation for his and Lauren Miller’s decision to be child-free.
“There’s a whole huge thing I’m not doing, which is raising children,” Rogen told Bartlett.The host attempted to play devil’s advocate and asked Rogen if he considered whether having children might have made him and his wife “happier.”
Then, as if anticipating the question, the “Pineapple Express” star upended one of the arguments that people who have children often make: that people who don’t have children have no idea what it’s like.
“I’ve been around obviously a lot of children; I’m not ignorant to what it’s like…Everyone I know has kids. I’m 40, you know? I know,” Rogen said at the time. “Some of my friends have had kids for decades. Some people want kids, some people don’t want kids.” He added that many people seem to have kids without considering the issue.
“I mean, a lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I’ve seen, honestly,” he said. “You just are told, you go through life, you get married, you have kids—it’s what happens.” Rogen and his wife have only grown stronger in their decision and they believe that it has helped their relationship.
“Now, more than anything, the conversation is like, ‘Honestly, thank God we don’t have children,’” he continued. “We get to do whatever we want. We are in the prime of our lives. We are smarter than we’ve ever been, we understand ourselves more than we ever have, we have the capacity to achieve a level of work and a level of communication and care for one another, and a lifestyle we can live with one another that we’ve never been able to live before. And we can just do that, and we don’t have to raise a child, which the world does not need right now,” Rogen concluded.
“Is that why you’re having kids? Because I have two things to say: One, that’s very selfish to create a human so someone can take care of you. And two, just because you have a kid, I hate to break it to you, that doesn’t mean they’re going to do that,” he said.
His answer was more thoughtful than expected
Everyone has the right to choose whether or not to have children, and no one has the right to judge them. Rogen and Miller have thought their decision through and should be applauded for living how they see fit. It’s cool to see Rogen with such a thoughtful opinion on the matter. It’d be even cooler if celebrities never had to discuss the topic in the first place.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.
A husband filed for divorce from his wife and burned bridges in the process by making incredibly disrespectful remarks to her. This came 10 months after she had their second child (the couple has six, in total). After losing his high-paying job, he turned course and asked her to take him back again. Should she take him back, given his lot in life, or hold firm and say good riddance to bad rubbish?
How it all fell apart
The situation came to a head when the husband demanded that his wife, who had a 10-month-old baby, stay in the house, instead of taking her child to a dentist appointment. She went anyway, and then the man slept in his game room for two months. He told everyone that he was divorcing his wife and went so far as to contact an attorney.
“He told me I was not the prize. I’m almost 40 and have four kids, three of whom are minors. He said he’s the prize, he’s in his prime, and makes good money, and any woman would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out,” the woman wrote on Reddit.
The situation changed, and so did his tune
“Fast forward, he loses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting differently than before,” she wrote. So what was the wife to do, take back the man who said that she was “not the prize” and that he was desirable because he had a high-paying job? Nope. She stood her ground and said he needed to leave. “I told him I was still moving out and going forward with separating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me,” she wrote.
The woman then asked the commenters if she was right to follow through with what her husband started. The commenters were overwhelmingly on her side. “He said he was done, so let’s be done, even if now it’s an inconvenience for him,” one of the top commenters wrote. “Sounds like YOU are the prize after all, because he’s an unemployed AH who’s soon to be unable to rent an apartment because he doesn’t have a job. Hope his parents live close by and can take him in.”
The therapists weigh in
Upworthy spoke with Paige Harley, MA, a cPaige Harley, MA, a conflict expert and mediator specializing in high-conflict divorce and custody issues. She says the woman shouldn’t feel any guilt for her actions. “Absolutely never a reason to feel guilty about setting boundaries. However, make sure you are clear about what a boundary is and specifically what yours are,” Harley told Upworthy. “It’s hard and you will need to be the ‘bigger person’ but your future self will thank you—as you are setting the tone for what comes next.”
Dr. Nari Jeter, a licensed marriage and family therapist and associate teaching professor at Florida State University, and co-host ofThe Coupled Podcast, says there’s nothing wrong with separating, but that’s just the first step. “I would say that this woman is not in the wrong for sticking to the boundary of separation. It clearly reinforces to him that he cannot threaten the safety and stability of the relationship without a consequence,” Dr. Jeter told Upworthy. “The deeper issue is, can she separate herself from his view of reality and their marriage? Just because he says these things to her, it doesn’t make them true. She may need to accept that he says these things to himself and others about her, but they aren’t true–and that defending herself to him will likely get her nowhere.”
She stayed true to herself and stood her ground
Unfortunately, the woman had to deal with a verbally abusive man who isn’t supportive of her or their combined six children. But what’s great to see is that after her husband tried to knock her down a peg and then leave her, she stood her ground and would not take him back. There’s no doubt that she also felt great support from the 1,300 people who commented on the page, with nearly all of them supporting her decision.
This article originally appeared one year ago. It has been updated.
At some point, most parents have to field questions, concerns, worries, anxieties, and, sometimes, outright despair from their kids about their relationships with other kids. Friendships can be messy. Bullying is a thing. When you pool together a couple of dozen kids who are growing, changing, and figuring out their emotions for most of the day, all manner of relational dynamics can emerge.
Navigating the social landscape with our kids isn’t easy. Each child is unique, some are more sensitive or aware of what’s happening than others, and some need assistance with figuring out how to handle tough social situations. As parents, we don’t want to swoop in and solve their problems, but we also don’t want to leave them rudderless in a storm. We want to provide them with the tools and help them build the skills they’ll need to steer their own ship.
A mom’s idea that went viral for good reason
One tool that can help a kid who is struggling to connect with their peers is intentional kindness. However, a blanket admonition to “be kind” is often too vague to help a kid in the midst of a social crisis. That’s why one parent’s “kind can” idea has gone viral. It offers a specific way to practice kindness in a way that’s not overwhelming.
In a 2022 post on LinkedIn, mom Sasja Nieukerk-Chomos shared the idea, writing:
“‘Mom, I hate them.’ ‘Them’ being her friends at school. This is what my 7-year-old confided to me as I was putting her to bed the other night. I could have made light of her hatred, like I’ve done when she tells me she hates broccoli. I could have gotten caught up in her anger: ‘Who are these kids upsetting my daughter!?’ Instead, I asked her what was going on that her heart hurt so much. Because under anger is usually hurt.”
“Sure enough, the tears came pouring out as she told me about how her best friend only wanted to play with another girl, and how when she went to find others to play with they told her to go away.
This had been happening all week. ‘Why doesn’t anybody like me?’ I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a thought: It’s time for the Kind Can. Suddenly I was 8 years old again, a grade 3 student who was having a rough start to the school year.
I had a teacher I didn’t like, friendships had shifted, and I couldn’t seem to get along with anyone. I hated going to school. My mom created a Kind Can. She used a big Nescafe tin can (remember those?) In the can went the names of every single one of my classmates. Each morning before school I would pull a name out of the can. That day I had to go out of my way to do something kind for them. Not to have them do something in return. For no other reason than to do something kind. It wasn’t easy at first, but my mom encouraged me to keep trying, and helped me think of all the different ways I could show kindness to others. It started to get really fun! And then things shifted. No longer caught up in my own mind about what others were ‘doing to me’, I was now focused on what I was doing for others. Though there were no expectations of kindness in return, more and more kindness is what I got. I loved going to school! I told my daughter about the Kind Can and her eyes got that little spark — the one that tells me she’s about to get creative. So yes, she has big plans for just how fancy this can will be– much better than an old tin can she proclaimed! That’s our project. A Kind Can. A way to create more kindness. A way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close.”
Why this simple idea still resonates
People loved the “kind can” idea, with the post being shared more than 3,000 times. Some people pointed out the beauty of the wisdom in it being passed down through generations. Several parents wished that they had seen the idea when their own kids were going through some social struggles. Many commenters said that a lot of adults could use a kind can as well.
With bullying becoming more widespread thanks to the Internet and social media, many parents are aware of the importance of instilling kindness in their children. On social media, parents are making a point to highlight moments of kindness from their own kids or from another kid to theirs, and the videos are warming hearts and reminding viewers that the kids really are all right, and will continue to be so long as we continue to model kindness like Nieukerk-Chomos.
A “kind can” won’t solve every friendship woe a child has, but goodness knows the world could use more kindness. Helping kids practice that virtue with a tool that makes it specific and fun is definitely a win-win.
This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.
Kids today are struggling with resilience. A study from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that only 40% of school-age children in the United States were “flourishing.”
Study leader Christina D. Bethell explained more about how researchers defined “flourishing.” She noted, “Family resilience and connection were important for flourishing in all children, regardless of their level of adversity. Parent-child connection had a particularly strong association with child flourishing.”
And it’s that lack of resilience that highlights the struggle many kids face today, as well as the challenge for parents trying to instill it in them. It’s something Albert Einstein was aware of in the early 1900s and worked to cultivate in his three children.
Einstein’s advice on resilience
Einstein was the father of three children with his first wife, Mileva Marić: a daughter named Lieserl, and two sons, Hans Albert and Eduard. Eduard was the youngest and had great intellectual potential, and he was studying for a career in medicine.
However, Eduard was afflicted by schizophrenia, which derailed his professional life. He was in and out of a psychiatric sanatorium in Zurich, Switzerland, throughout his life. Einstein described Eduard as having a “delicate nervous system.”
But the relationship between father and son produced a famous quote from Einstein on raising resilient children, drawn from a 1930 letter to his son Eduard:
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”
Einstein encouraged his son to keep moving forward despite his challenges, comparing life’s difficulties to riding a bike and the skills needed to do so, such as balance and momentum.
How to raise resilient kids
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), resilience is the “process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”
Many parents want to raise resilient children. The APA has shared several helpful ways parents can strengthen their children’s resilience:
Be a healthy parent
A child’s resilience begins with having a healthy caregiver. “If you want a child to be functioning well, tend to the person who’s tending the child,” Suniya Luthar, PhD, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, explained.
Parents who sought extra support from resources like community support groups and mental health services showed more positive parenting outcomes.
Stick with a daily routine
Structure is key to raising resilient kids. Keeping things consistent with schedules, such as setting times for schoolwork and play, creates an environment of comfort and can better help them develop emotional regulation.
Establish time to check in
Having regular talks with kids can help them feel safe, express themselves, and receive support. The APA recommends that parents “listen to their concerns and fears when they address them with you and let them know you are there for them.”
Build them up by reflecting
Focusing on past “wins” and moments of strength during difficult times is another important way to continue building resilience. Discuss times of accomplishment, such as when kids trusted themselves or made “appropriate decisions.”
As a parent, if your kids don’t occasionally hate you, you’re probably not doing your job. It’s never fun, but it is a mom or dad’s main responsibility to keep their children safe, healthy, and to help them develop into a well-rounded adult. That often means saying the dreaded “No.” A lot.
The uncomfortable part is that children rarely see the wisdom in their parents’ decisions. And sometimes they make their displeasure very well known in ways that can sting.
Mom stumbles upon 9-year-old’s hand-drawn comics, finds a surprise villain
Utah-based mom Stacy Goulding happened upon a couple of homemade comic books her nine-year-old son had drawn. Filled with creative titles and lively artwork, they made for an impressive collection.
Goulding took to Instagram to show off how the hero, a character named Emerald Warrior, did battle in each edition with a new foe: Emerald Warrior vs Farty Balloon, Emerald Warrior vs Mean Clown, and Emerald Warrior vs Bad Spider, to name a few.
But it was the last comic book that prompted Goulding to title her video: “Moms, if you want ot feel better about yourself, continue watching.”
In a comic titled “Emerald Warrior vs No Mom,” the hero takes on a mean looking lady in a red dress who says “No” to everything. “Once upon a time there was a mom that never answers her kids questions and always says No,” the comic reads. “Her kids were really sad.”
Ouch!
But don’t worry, Emerald Warrior would soon come to the rescue. On the next page, he appears out of nowhere and sprays “Yes Spray” on the mean mom, fixing everything. All the children cheered. The end.
Goulding clearly got a good laugh out of the situation, but couldn’t help but notice the overdramatic irony of her being cast as the villain in the story.
“It’s always interesting seeing ourselves through the eyes of our children,” Goulding wrote in the caption, before going on to explain that her son made the comic after a spring break full of swimming, hiking, birthday parties, late night movies, biking, and more.
“I think for having a ‘no mom’ they have it pretty good,” she writes of her kids.
Some reassured Goulding that she was on the right track:
“The creativity and imagination of it all clearly does say that yes, you are killing it! And the entire series?!? AMAZING.”
“mine told me I was an evil villain yesterday..bc she couldn’t jump off her top bunk into a pile of stuffed animals..I’d rather be the evil villain instead of the ambulance driver”
Others were impressed by the boy’s drawing and writing skills. Clearly his boredom and frustration were channeled beautifully into his art:
“This might be the best parenting advice on the internet! Tell your kids ‘no’ more often so they have to learn how to entertain themselves, develop creativity and writing skills and discover the power of persuasive rhetoric … I think you’ve solved parenting”
It can be frustrating for kids to hear ‘No’ all the time, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. Photo Credit: Canva Photos
Others, still, just wanted to know where they could get their hands on this magical Yes Spray.
Kids being frustrated is extremely common and normal
Rest assured, parents, it’s OK and totally normal for your kids to say they hate you—or even to cast you as the villain in their life story. They don’t actually hate you, but it’s sometimes the only way for their brain to process the big feelings of rejection, anger, and frustration at not getting what they want.
Drawing, and art in general, is another way they process these emotions.
Goulding, for her part, handled the discovery of the comics like a total pro. Experts say the best way to handle something like this is to “kill it with kindness,” according to Today’s Parent. Don’t react, laugh it off, and remind them that you love them no matter what.
Bonus points if you can post their moody artwork on the Internet to let hundreds of thousands of other parents know they’re not alone.
The office potluck was a success! People went back for seconds; someone joked about licking the pan (and actually got a few laughs). And now you find yourself in the kitchen, alone with your overeager coworker, her phone already out and eyes bright with a burgeoning question.
She means it with her whole heart. She loved it and probably wants to make it for her family on Christmas Eve, or on the first cold night that feels like an excuse to stick something in the oven for hours. The warmth in her voice is so real.
And so is the tiny knot in your stomach. This recipe means something to you—it was passed down from your grandma, you got it from an esoteric cookbook online, or you invented it yourself—and right now, you don’t want to share it.
Here’s the truth: keeping a recipe to yourself isn’t rude. It’s not selfish or petty, nor is it a power move. You know how to share. But more importantly, you know when not to.
When it comes to family recipes—or any recipes, for that matter—there are countless ways to protect your peace.
Let’s get into it.
More than a recipe
Think about a specific spice: how does it smell? Where does it show up in your memory? Maybe it’s cardamom in December, folded into the sweet, enriched dough of Swedish Christmas braids, or dried chiles toasting in a pan.
That act of remembering is powerful and all-encompassing. It represents many things: a place, a person, an era of your life. Food scholars argue that this is exactly what recipes are built to do: carry culture in the body through smell, muscle memory, and repetition. Recipes live within us, not only on the page.
New York University food scholar Krishnendu Ray has observed that, for most of human history, food knowledge was traditionally passed down in close physical proximity (e.g., grandmother to grandchild). And it’s this intimacy—a shared moment between two people—that gives a recipe its meaning, just as much as its ingredients.
“Caregiving comes at a cost. Whenever there is a labor of love, there is also a labor of resentment.” – Krishnendu Ray
This is why sociologists describe family recipes as a form of cultural capital, a resource tied to identity, memory, and belonging. To hold that recipe is to hold a piece of a transmission chain: an artifact of care, repetition, and survival.
Cooking it for someone else adds another layer of complexity. The French sociologist Marcel Mauss argued that a gift is never just a gift; it creates an ongoing bond between giver and receiver. A dish cooked for others already works that way. When someone asks for the recipe on top of that, they’re asking for the gift to be extended: not just the meal, but the means to carry it forward. That’s a meaningful escalation, even when it’s asked warmly, which is exactly why your coworker’s question, however kind, however well-meant, can land as so much more than a simple request.
How to say “no” and still be kind about it
Here’s something etiquette experts agree on: the problem is almost never the “no.” A refusal delivered with warmth, gratitude, and a clear boundary is never rude. In some cases, it’s the kindest thing you can offer because it’s honest.
The following strategies offer five different ways to refuse requests for family recipes with grace.
Start with real gratitude
The ask is a compliment: someone loved what you made so much that they now want it on their own table, with their own people. That’s beautiful. Honor that.
A simple script:
“I’m so glad you liked it! That means a lot to me. But the recipe is a family tradition I keep private.”
Full stop. No nervous laugh, no extra spiral of “I’m so weird, sorry.” Warm, clear, closed.
You don’t owe anyone a backstory. But if you want to offer one, a single concrete line can make it clear that the “no” revolves around what the recipe means to you, not your opinion of the other person.
For example:
“My aunt spent years perfecting this and made us promise to keep it in the family.”
“It’s one of the few things we have left from my grandmother’s kitchen. Keeping it private helps me feel close to her.”
People can sit with disappointment and still respect a story. The key is brevity: you’re offering context, not building a legal case.
Share the “vibe,” not the blueprint
Sometimes, they don’t even want the recipe, but they are looking for cooking tips. In those cases, you can share little snippets without handing over the entire thing: a key ingredient, a basic technique, or how you approach spices.
For example:
“I don’t share the full recipe, but I can tell you the essentials. It starts with sautéed garlic, and the real magic is how low and slow you go.”
You’re not giving away the recipe. You are simply pointing in the right direction and letting them explore on their own.
Instead of sharing the recipe, forge connection in other ways. Photo credit: Canva
Offer a different kind of “yes”
If you feel comfortable, find a different way to connect. You can invite them into the process instead:
“I can’t give you the recipe, but I’d love to make it together sometime.”
“I don’t share this one, but I’ll bring it to every potluck we have. Consider me your short rib supplier.”
Those lines tend to land well because they’re both generous and specific. The boundary stays intact, and the relationship feels even warmer.
Stay gentle, even if they keep asking
Some people will circle back. Not because they’re trying to bulldoze you, but because they really want to know how to make that dish.
It’s natural to want to come up with new reasons each time, but that can sound like negotiating, which invites even more pushing.
“Still keeping that one close, I’m afraid. But truly, I appreciate you asking.”
“You’re persistent! Thank you, I’ll take it as a compliment. But the answer’s still no.”
Said with a real smile, that’s a firmly closed door.
Some things were never meant to be shared
Keeping your cherished family recipe private isn’t selfish. This is what it looks like when food, memories, and shared history travel between people who love each other.
And a quick note to the person who was told no: this was almost certainly never about you. It’s lovely that you asked, but don’t take it personally. There’s something much older than this conversation at play, something that existed long before you tried that dish and will exist long after.
What matters is that the ask was kind, and the “no” was kind. Neither of you did anything wrong. Besides, the goal was never really the recipe. It was to stay close to the person who made it.
Ten months after a man’s wife passed away, he finally got the courage to read a letter she left him, which contained a devastating admission. The son they had together may not be his.
“My ‘darling’ wife passed away 10 months ago,” the man wrote on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum. “She wrote a letter for me before she died, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it until now. She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”
A letter that changed everything
In the letter, the wife revealed that there was a “good chance” that the son he thought was his wasn’t his biological child. A few weeks before their wedding day, the wife got drunk at her bachelorette party and had a one-night stand with another man. Soon after that night, she became pregnant but was unsure who the father was.
The man was torn whether or not to have the paternity test done. The child had only one parent in this world, and he would have to take care of him regardless. He also thought it was cowardly that his former wife would wait until she was no longer around to share the truth with him.
“So she thought she’d rather drop this bomb on my life when I could no longer confront her about it,” the man wrote. “Now that my son would only have one parent looking out for him, and she’d have no idea how I would even react. Maybe I should not have got the paternity test done. Maybe it might be better to live in ignorance. But I just had to know.”
The paternity test result
The man took the paternity test and learned he wasn’t the child’s biological father.
“I’m devastated. This doesn’t change how I feel about my son,” he wrote. “He’s my whole world and he’s innocent. But boy, does it hurt. There’s so much going on in my head right now. I haven’t stopped crying. Thank god my son is at my parents’ place for the day. I’d hate for him to see me like this.”
Facing a pain nearly too much for him to bear, the only outlet he had at the moment was reaching out to Reddit to find some solace. “I just needed to let this all out. Don’t have it in me to tell anyone in my life about this right now,” he wrote.
The commenters sent him hundreds of messages of support to get him through the shock of first learning the truth about his family.
“All your feelings are valid, a lot of people will react with some kind of toxic positivity to things like these. Your feelings are valid. Each and everyone,” – femunndsmarka
“He is going to find out the truth one day. Imagine how much more he will love you knowing you didn’t leave him, even though he wasn’t yours.” – ImNotGoodatThis6969
“As an adopted child, I just want to thank you on behalf of your son. I deeply believe it changes nothing, family is not about blood, its about who you love, want to have by your side, and care for the most. Sending hugs, strength and gratitude.” – Mariuuq
The father at the heart of this story is understandably devastated because his life was upended almost overnight. But the hope in the story is that his trials also taught him a powerful truth: his love for his son goes much deeper than blood.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.
Photo credit: Photo by Darwin Vegher on Unsplash – With one turn of the wheel, my dad taught me a lesson about self-care in high school that I'll never forget.
When I was in high school, I woke up one morning feeling overwhelmed. I was an honors student, I was involved in various activities and clubs, and for whatever reason, I felt thoroughly unprepared for the day. I don’t recall if I had a test or a presentation or if it was just a normal school day that I couldn’t face. I just remember feeling like I’d hit a wall and couldn’t make my mental gears turn right.
I usually walked the mile and a half to school, but I was running late so my dad offered to drive me. In the car, I tried to keep it together, but halfway to school, the tears started to fall. My dad looked over and asked if I was OK.
“I don’t know,” I sobbed. “I feel like … I just … I need a day.”
He knew I wasn’t sick. He could have told me to tough it out. He could have given me a pep talk. He could have forced me to go. But he didn’t do any of those things.
With zero hesitation, and just a simple “OK,” he turned the car around and took me home.
I have no memory of what I did the rest of that day. Three decades later, the only thing that sticks out is the basic-but-profound lesson my dad instilled in me the moment he turned that steering wheel: It‘s totally OK to take care of yourself.
We talked about it briefly on the way home. As it turned out, he was also taking a “mental health day.” My dad was a social worker and, as an adult, I can totally understand why he would need to take a random day off sometimes. But it didn’t really matter what he did for a living. Most of us need an occasional mental health day: adults, teens, and kids alike.
Why more schools are officially recognizing mental health days
Some schools have begun incorporating this understanding into their school attendance policies. Utah was among the first states to allow a mental health day to count as an excused absence from school. Oregon followed in 2019, and today a total of 12 states have enacted similar laws, including Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Kentucky, Maine, Nevada, Virginia, and Washington. Education Week and other outlets have tracked the growing list of states that allow student mental health days or have proposed bills to expand access.
“Mental health days are not only good for the practical aspect of giving young people a break,” psychologist Caroline Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D., told Healthline, “but they also validate that the community and society are saying, ‘We understand and we’re supporting you in this way.’”
Occupational therapist Shelli Dry concurs, telling Healthline that acceptance of mental health days can help eliminate the stigma that often comes with mental illness.
“For schools to recognize that sometimes it’s better to take a mental health day than push through when you cannot seem to cope, is a tremendous support for students to feel understood and accepted, and [this, in turn, encourages] students to understand and accept themselves more,” she said.
Kids are carrying more than we realize
Sometimes we forget how hard it is being a kid. In some ways, I think it’s way harder than being an adult. Considering the fact that nearly 1 in 5 children between the ages of three and 17 have been diagnosed with a mental, emotional, or behavioral health condition, according to the CDC, we need to acknowledge that a lot of kids have days where they’re struggling. But even kids who don’t deal with mental illness sometimes need a down day. Modern life is busy and complex, no matter our age. Keeping up with daily life while handling whatever extra stuff gets thrown our way is no small thing.
Part of good parenting is teaching kids to persevere through challenges, but encouraging perseverance has to be balanced with insight and wisdom. Sometimes kids might cry wolf, but it’s important for parents to understand that kids might be dealing with more than we know. Sometimes kids need to be encouraged to dig deep for resilience. Sometimes kids have already been resilient for a long time and need a little time and space to just be.
My dad knew me. He understood that I wasn’t just being lazy or trying to get out of doing something hard. He trusted me to know what I needed, which in turn taught me to listen to my inner alarm and trust myself. As a result, I’ve spent my adult life with a good sense of when I need to push through and when I need to pause and reset. It’s a gift I’m immensely grateful for.
A word of caution for parents
All of that said, this advice does come with a caveat. As a parent of kids who are learning to manage anxiety, mental health days can be a mixed bag. There’s a difference between taking a mental health day because you really need it, which happens, and taking a mental health day to avoid facing fears, which also happens. Avoidance feels good in the moment but fuels anxiety in the long run, so parents and kids have to be aware of how the idea can be misused and unintentionally make certain mental health issues worse.
A dad walking his kid to school. Photo credit: Canva
The bottom line, however, is that kids need breaks sometimes. And when you allow them to take an occasional day here and there to breathe, to do some self-care, to reconnect with themselves and reset their mental and emotional barometer, you teach them that their well-being matters. You teach them that it’s OK to acknowledge when they’ve hit a limit and pause to recoup their strength.
It’s OK to turn the car around when you know you need to. That’s a lesson we all need to learn, and one we need to support with work and school policies in addition to internalizing individually. We’re making some good strides toward that goal, and the sooner we all get on the same page, the better everyone’s well-being will be.
To learn more about how to help kids and teens with their mental health and self-care practices, The Kids Mental Health Foundation has tons of resources for parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, and more.
This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.
