
Whether consciously or unconsciously, we are constantly evaluating the people we meet to see if they are trustworthy.
When we’re on a first date, meet a new coworker or deal with a salesperson, our minds are scanning their words, body language, and behavior for any red flags.
Being able to accurately assess a person’s trustworthiness can be a big benefit to your professional life, but in intimate relationships, it can mean the difference between life or death.
A Reddit user with a suspicious name asked the online forum “What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone?” and people revealed how they root out the shady people in their lives.
Here are 11 of the best responses.
1. "When they flat out ignore what you say to talk about themselves. I don’t trust you, i know you’re only there for your own benefit and fuck anyone else around you." — PotShotShooter
2. "If someone happily tells you they've cheated on someone before. One of the biggest red flags ever." — lszommer1
3. "When they give non-apologies after doing something wrong, like 'I'm sorry to see you feel that way' instead of 'I'm sorry for what I did.' Or, 'That's just the way I am,' or 'Why do you care so much?' or 'It's not a big deal.'" — ghost0427
4. "When someone borrows something and never attempts to return or mention it until you bring it up." — supnottoomuch
5. "When they put a lot of energy into manipulating people instead of just living their lives." — blinkysmurf
6. '"They told me not to tell anyone but...' Never will trust someone like that. If they tell me other people's secrets they'll no doubt tell other people mine." — YikesImBack
7. "Repeatedly not following through...small things too. 'Hey, I’ll talk to you later this afternoon.' Nothing. 'I listened to this great song, I’ll send it to you.' Nothing. I just feel like those little moments are foreshadowing bigger things / disappointments to come." — TristramBambi
8. "It's said so often I'm not worried about giving it away. Mistreating service people, children, less intelligent people and animals." — -a-y
9. "When their opinions on the same topics change depending on who they are with." — OutBack10
10. "When I catch them lying about something very small with no consequences if they were to tell the truth." — incomplewor
11. "When they are SUPER nice to me, compliment the hell out of me and want to be best friends right away. Immediately makes me suspicious and I put my guard up. I assume they have ulterior motives and are trying to establish a false rapport with me in order to throw me off their scent." — Spookyredd
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."