What if Gen X (or any generation) started rethinking how we experience middle age? Instead of the dread that often comes with physical and sometimes cognitive challenges, we could view this time period as a portal to whatever we’d like. Nearly nothing is off the table when we realize we get to choose what our lives look like.
A woman named Tina on Instagram shared her views with fellow Gen Xers (and beyond) about starting over. She stated in a post:
“I don’t think anyone ever prepared Gen X women for the possibility that we would be starting completely over in our 50s. We got the message of ‘get a job, get married, have the kids, don’t complain, figure it out.’ But nobody ever sat us down and said, ‘Hey, sometimes life looks completely different than what you had planned.’ And that will be okay.”
A sense of freedom
Tina gives her own personal account of such a change:
“I’m in the middle of a divorce. I’m selling the only home I’ve ever known, and I’m trying to build something from scratch. And some days, that feels terrifying, and it sucks. And other days, I actually get a sense of freedom.
I’m figuring it out, here in this space, because I think there’s a lot of out here who are going through something similar and we shouldn’t have to do it alone.”
Rewriting the road map
The OP added this in her post’s caption:
“Nobody told us it would look like this.
“Not the divorce.
Not starting over in your 50s.
Not having to figure out money
and housing and identity
all at the same time.
GenX women were handed a map
that turned out to be
for someone else’s life.
So here we are.
Drawing a new one.
In real time.
What are YOU in the middle of right now?”
In just over a month, there are over 1,500 comments, whose common thread is that change, though hard, is absolutely attainable.
One commenter wrote, “Started over with nothing but a job at 49, after 23 years of marriage. 8 years later, happy and have my own house, hobbies and happy! It’s hard, but doable!”
Another reiterated how important sisterhood can be in this process:
“I am building my own business so that I can walk away from the 9-to-5. I’m building in a community of amazing people led by an amazing woman who supports each and every one of us. I’m finally finding my voice after years of someone else shrinking it.”
One commenter shared that she, too, is going through a divorce and moving to a new home:
“Trying to figure out what the heck I’m good at that can actually earn a living wage. Was a flight engineer before marriage, sucked the soul from me. Now I feel like I should go work (at) Dunkin because at least I’d be surrounded by caffeine.”
Navigating the stress
Another commenter suggested shifting from a high-stress career to a more flexible one to help alleviate much of the stress that comes with our middle years.
In an article posted by Baylor College of Medicine, writer Aries Payne cited Dr. Eric Storch, a clinical psychologist and professor.
Payne wrote that middle age is “the period adults find themselves navigating complex, overlapping responsibilities, such as caring for aging parents, raising children and working. Therefore, it is no surprise that the act of balancing all these things can lead to notable levels of stress.”
Storch shared, “The availability of support systems, presence and effectiveness of coping strategies and life meaning … When these things are not in a good place, stress can take an additional toll. Besides good daily self-care, I find that scheduling breaks (i.e., vacations, mini vacations) and engaging in activities that provide meaning are very helpful in managing stress.”
Reinvention as needed
Of course, change isn’t all about divorcing. In fact, for some, it was quite the opposite. There are some Gen Xers who actively avoided marriage but found it suited them in middle age. And some never married at all.
One commenter on Tina’s post wrote, “Some of us skipped the marriage/divorce part and just kept reinventing ourselves as needed.”
This person pushed back on the idea that Gen X women weren’t prepared in the first place:
“BS. We were the only ones prepared. We got the old stories, not the Disney ones. We were taught life was tough; we chose not to see it. It’s a collective awakening, and we’re being called for something bigger. Get ready, ladies. It’s just the beginning!”
Another added that they’d like to take the lessons they’re learning in middle age and teach younger generations:
“Working on building a safety net for the generations that come after me. A way to live in community, unlike what we’ve been shown.”
‘Walkaway wives’
In The Independent, Megan Lloyd Davies wrote a piece titled, “The ‘walkaway wives’: Why so many Gen X women are leaving their marriages.” Although this story is focused on divorce, many could argue that “walking away” could be from anything: a house, a career, or a way of thinking.
Davies discussed author/thought-leader Karen Ruimy‘s take on the matter and the reasons women are making such changes:
“Emotional factors driving the statistics are critical. And while women’s increased economic independence is certainly a factor, she says there is also a particular midlife pinch point driving this phenomenon. ‘It’s a very specific point for many women,’ she says. ‘Their children have grown, and the day-to-day care demands are lessening. Menopause also means shifting into who we really are as women and really experiencing the wisdom we possess.’”
Meeting yourself again
To that point, a commenter on Tina’s post really got to the root of accepting change:
“We grow through what we go through.
And while I never would have chosen this path, I am beginning to realize that there is something beautiful about meeting yourself again after spending so many years becoming everything for everyone else.
I am slowly learning to love my single life. The freedom. The quiet. The choices. The woman I am becoming.
And maybe, for the first time in my life, I am finally learning that I don’t have to lose myself in order to love someone else.
I can love deeply—and still belong to myself.”
