Sometimes, it feels like everyone we cross paths with is in their own little world—always in a hurry, always glued to a device. It can feel almost impossible to strike up a conversation with a stranger, even if you have no ulterior motive (like flirting).
Conversational anxiety, or, more broadly, social anxiety, affects about 12-14% of adults and is far more common among young people. These disorders often involve negative thought patterns like “I’m bad at meeting people” or “People dislike chatting with me.” Those thoughts undoubtedly make it harder.
But even people without social anxiety may want to talk to strangers. They simply do not have a good strategy for doing so.
Dating coach Adele Bloch recently took to social media to share a tried-and-true blueprint for striking up harmless, low-stakes conversations with strangers. The key is choosing the where and the how.
Bloch helps her clients find love and relationships, but she also takes on the challenge of helping people connect platonically in a disconnected world. In a recent post on X, she lays out her roadmap for “the art of talking to strangers in public.”
For starters, Bloch explains, the where is critical. People usually aren’t in a chatting mood when they’re engaged in a task or on their way somewhere. That’s why talking to people at the gym can be tricky; you risk coming off as rude by interrupting someone in the middle of something.
“Do it in places where people generally linger,” she suggests. Places like standing in line at a coffee shop or after a group workout class, when people take a few minutes to gather their things before leaving.
The next piece is the tough one: what to say.
“My favorite intro lines are almost as though you’re letting them into your inner monologue,” she writes. Nothing too clever or scripted, less a conversation starter and more like thinking out loud in their general direction. She suggests asking them to help you make a decision on the menu, or even just making a casual observation. A non-physical compliment can work, too.
From there, you’re off and running, she says. In the full post, however, Bloch offers a few more tips on what to do next.
The post received over half a million views on X and thousands of likes and comments. Bloch had clearly struck a nerve around a common problem many people share.
Commenters had a lot of thoughts about what impromptu conversations with strangers have meant to them:
“The stakes are so low but the potential for spontaneous great conversation is so high! can’t think of many situations where i regretted taking the initiative”
“I started doing this, significantly helped me get out of my social isolation. Moved to a city and knew nobody Now I have events and hangouts to go to!!”
“Small spontaneous conversations are underrated because they slowly rebuild a sense of community we didn’t even realize we were missing”
“Context makes conversations easier. Slow spaces create openings. Curiosity beats rehearsed lines.”
Research is clear on the benefits of pleasant human interactions. Yes, even for introverts.
“A growing body of research has found that talking with strangers can contribute to our well-being,” writes Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex.
Sandstrom references a study carried out on commuters in Chicago who were asked to talk to someone on their regular train ride. Overwhelmingly, participants who chatted with a stranger were in a better mood afterward. These small micro-connections make us happier and help us feel less alone. We also learn new things about the world by talking to unexpected people.
However, many people are naturally resistant to talking to folks they don’t know. Those same Chicago commuters, before the experiment, predicted they’d feel uncomfortable striking up conversations and would prefer to sit in silence.
Sandstrom writes that these barriers are driven by fear:
“There are endless things to worry about: What if I don’t like my conversation partner? More importantly, what if they don’t like me, or what if I’m bothering them? What if we run out of things to say? What if I want to end the conversation, but can’t figure out how to?”
Maybe not all, but most of these fears end up being unfounded. That’s the true beauty of Bloch’s viral post.
“You’ll start to realize that people are EXCITED to talk to you! Strangers aren’t as scary as they seem!” she writes. “And you’ll start living a life thats more open and fun!”
