There didn’t used to be such a thing as emails from school. Most Millennials and Gen Xers remember a time when parents only knew what was going on at school if they physically came home and handed them a piece of paper.
But now, communication is digital, instant, and the floodgates are completely open. Parents love knowing how their kids are doing in class and about key events coming up at school—but many parents confess they are finding the constant communication is getting more than a little out of hand.
Comedy writer pens the perfect satirical school email
Bess Kalb, an Emmy-nominated comedy writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live! and bestselling author, is a mom to two boys. So, she knows all too well the hair-pulling insanity of non-stop emails and school events. Unlike most parents, however, she is perfectly equipped to skewer them in a way that’s both relatable and hilarious.
In a recent post on Instagram and her Substack, The Grudge Report, Kalb shared a non-threateningly titled “End-of-year reminders from your child’s preschool!”
What followed was unhinged hilarity:
“Hi, Ladybug Montessori Parents!” the faux email begins. “We can’t believe the school year is coming to an end! Just wanted to send a few quick reminders about important end-of-year events to make sure nothing slips through the cracks.”
Knowing parents are already groaning in recognition.
The events start with a pizza picnic: “If your child’s last name begins with A-E, they are responsible for bringing PLATES. Last names F-L please bring NAPKINS. Last names M-R you are in charge of CUPS! Last names S-Z please bring SPOON. If your child’s last name is HYPHENATED, please bring SELTZER.”
Then there’s a Pajama Day with color-coded pajamas based on your child’s room at the school. Then a “Moving On Ceremony” that requires parents to show up at 9:30 a.m., just 45 minutes after dropping their kids off. “Pickup is at 11:30. You thought you were going to work? Hahaaaa!!!!!” Kalb writes.
A few days later, there’s a Dance Performance: “Please dress your child in the color OPPOSITE your classroom’s color on the color wheel. (GREEN room wears RED, etc.)”
And it goes on and on, growing increasingly more complex and ridiculous, until the final closing line:
“We did not send this to any dads, Ladybug Montessori.”
Post generates a massive response
Kalb’s satire was a huge hit on Instagram in particular, racking up nearly 20,000 Likes and well over a hundred comments. The dads, and especially the moms, were howling:
“Mandatory attendance being 15-30 minutes after drop-off is so [on point]”
“We literally got texts about both the ice cream social (‘Bring your child’s favorite topping!’) and the tea party (‘Bring tea or mini finger foods!’) both for June 3rd, but rather than own up to the typo, they just had two sugar and caffeine parties on the same day.”
“I mean, where’s the joke? Reading this has brought back my eye twitch.”
A few commenters even had some ideas of their own to add:
“Also tomorrow your child will be bringing home eighty-seven pounds of work they did this year including cardboard art projects at scale and definitely random papers authored by a completely different classmate whose parent you will have to contact to return.”
Parents agree there are too many emails and school events
One recent study found the average parent is receiving about four emails per day related to their kids’ school and extracurriculars. More than half of parents admit to regularly missing an important event or piece of information contained in this never-ending deluge of emails.
Anecdotally, schools seem to be hosting way more events than in decades past. There are more spirit days, themed celebrations, and parent-attended events smack-dab in the middle of the work day than ever before.
We’re living in a world that was simply not designed for two parents working full-time—which has become the norm in the United States.
And even when a stay-at-home parent has the time and flexibility to respond to all the emails and attend to all the events, it’s an overwhelming workload for even the most dedicated and organized of the bunch.
It’s no wonder parents are so burnt out that the Surgeon General put out an advisory recently titled “Parents Under Pressure,” calling for better support for parents on the local and national levels.
The constant communication and instant access schools and activities have to parents via email and digital dashboards has only made things worse. Bringing light to the issue with humor, Kalb’s specialty, may or may not make a difference…but at least its made a lot of exhausted parents feel less alone.
We all love our kids dearly, but a few less mid-day events and costume theme days would be much appreciated.
