+

"I was a horrible father, and I knew that from the very beginning."

Those are the words of a new dad named Art who offered a not-so-flattering assessment of his parenting abilities.

But in his defense, being a new parent is no joke.


Babies are fussy, toddlers refuse to listen, and it can seem like a herculean feat just to make it to bedtime with your sanity intact. In Art's case, he realized that he may have been in over his head from the jump.

After feeling overwhelmed by fear and anxiety once he looked into his baby boy's eyes for the first time, he approached the delivery room nurse and told her something he thought was embarrassing:

GIFs by Upworthy/YouTube.

The nurse's response? "He doesn't know that."

The lightbulb began to flicker in his mind about his ability to be a dad, but the challenges of being a new parent dimmed his shine quickly.

Art isn't alone. In fact, a study revealed that 63% of dad respondents believe being a father today is more difficult than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Another new father named Carl shared his thoughts about that very topic with us:

"When I was growing up, my dad was focused primarily on bringing home a nice paycheck and taking me and my sister to a basketball game every once in a while. To me, he was a good dad — but that wouldn't cut it now. In today's world, dads have to make money, know how to braid hair, make healthy meals, and be amazing caregivers. It doesn't help that whenever I access social media, I see these great dads who can do it all. It can be completely overwhelming at times, and I often wonder if I'm cut out for it."

Needless to say, the struggle is real for many dads.

"I must've missed that day in school when they gave us the lessons about how to actually be a decent parent."

Fatherhood wasn't getting any easier for Art, and his confidence was completely shot.

"Every single thing I did felt like I couldn't possibly be doing it quite right," he lamented.

But after months of not believing in himself, a single moment changed his perspective.

One night, his 18-month-old son vomited in his bed. Once Art walked into his room and saw his child utterly miserable, he noticed how his little guy's face lit up with an expression that said...

But Art didn't like that look. It put pressure on him to be something he didn't believe he had the ability to be: a good dad.

Feeling defeated, Art cleaned up his son, placed the sheets in the laundry, put fresh sheets on the bed, and put his son back to bed.

As Art went back to his own room, he just knew he wasn't going to figure out fatherhood.

Until he woke up the next day.

"Dad, you had no idea what you were doing, did you?"

First thing in the morning, Art picked up the phone and called his dad to ask him that very question.

And that's when his father dumped a cold glass of "universal parenting truth" on top of his son's head.

"No, of course not," Art's dad laughed. "Nobody has any idea what they're doing. You just do the next thing."

Remember that lightbulb that was flickering when Art met his baby boy for the first time? Well, now it could illuminate an entire city block.

"Nobody has any idea what they're doing. You just do the next thing."

To Art, his dad was his hero, the guy with all the answers. It was incredibly reassuring to know that a man he holds in such high regard experienced the same parental doubt and insecurity that he did.

But that's only half of it.

Art realized that he handled the previous night's moment with his young son perfectly — and (most important) that he's doing a much better job than he gave himself credit for.

Then he took a deep breath and uttered the words all parents should remind themselves of.

Moms and dads, whenever parenting becomes overwhelming, just take a moment to remind yourself that you've got this. Because you do.

Check out Art's powerful story in this Upworthy Original video.


Joy

Nurse turns inappropriate things men say in the delivery room into ‘inspirational’ art

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.

Keep ReadingShow less
All images provided by Adewole Adamson

It begins with more inclusive conversations at a patient level

True

Adewole Adamson, MD, of the University of Texas, Austin, aims to create more equity in health care by gathering data from more diverse populations by using artificial intelligence (AI), a type of machine learning. Dr. Adamson’s work is funded by the American Cancer Society (ACS), an organization committed to advancing health equity through research priorities, programs and services for groups who have been marginalized.

Melanoma became a particular focus for Dr. Adamson after meeting Avery Smith, who lost his wife—a Black woman—to the deadly disease.

melanoma,  melanoma for dark skin Avery Smith (left) and Adamson (sidenote)

This personal encounter, coupled with multiple conversations with Black dermatology patients, drove Dr. Adamson to a concerning discovery: as advanced as AI is at detecting possible skin cancers, it is heavily biased.

To understand this bias, it helps to first know how AI works in the early detection of skin cancer, which Dr. Adamson explains in his paper for the New England Journal of Medicine (paywall). The process uses computers that rely on sets of accumulated data to learn what healthy or unhealthy skin looks like and then create an algorithm to predict diagnoses based on those data sets.

This process, known as supervised learning, could lead to huge benefits in preventive care.

After all, early detection is key to better outcomes. The problem is that the data sets don’t include enough information about darker skin tones. As Adamson put it, “everything is viewed through a ‘white lens.’”

“If you don’t teach the algorithm with a diverse set of images, then that algorithm won’t work out in the public that is diverse,” writes Adamson in a study he co-wrote with Smith (according to a story in The Atlantic). “So there’s risk, then, for people with skin of color to fall through the cracks.”

Tragically, Smith’s wife was diagnosed with melanoma too late and paid the ultimate price for it. And she was not an anomaly—though the disease is more common for White patients, Black cancer patients are far more likely to be diagnosed at later stages, causing a notable disparity in survival rates between non-Hispanics whites (90%) and non-Hispanic blacks (66%).

As a computer scientist, Smith suspected this racial bias and reached out to Adamson, hoping a Black dermatologist would have more diverse data sets. Though Adamson didn’t have what Smith was initially looking for, this realization ignited a personal mission to investigate and reduce disparities.

Now, Adamson uses the knowledge gained through his years of research to help advance the fight for health equity. To him, that means not only gaining a wider array of data sets, but also having more conversations with patients to understand how socioeconomic status impacts the level and efficiency of care.

“At the end of the day, what matters most is how we help patients at the patient level,” Adamson told Upworthy. “And how can you do that without knowing exactly what barriers they face?”

american cancer society, skin cacner treatment"What matters most is how we help patients at the patient level."https://www.kellydavidsonstudio.com/

The American Cancer Society believes everyone deserves a fair and just opportunity to prevent, find, treat, and survive cancer—regardless of how much money they make, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, gender identity, their disability status, or where they live. Inclusive tools and resources on the Health Equity section of their website can be found here. For more information about skin cancer, visit cancer.org/skincancer.

The mesmerizing lost art of darning knit fabric.

For most of human history, people had to make their own clothing by hand, and sewing skills were subsequently passed down from generation to generation. Because clothing was so time-consuming and labor-intensive to make, people also had to know how to repair clothing items that got torn or damaged in some way.

The invention of sewing and knitting machines changed the way we acquire clothing, and the skills people used to possess have largely gone by the wayside. If we get a hole in a sock nowadays, we toss it and replace it. Most of us have no idea how to darn a sock or fix a hole in any knit fabric. It's far easier for us to replace than to repair.

But there are still some among us who do have the skills to repair clothing in a way that makes it look like the rip, tear or hole never happened, and to watch them do it is mesmerizing.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

Artist uses AI to create ultra realistic portraits of celebrities who left us too soon

What would certain icons look like if nothing had happened to them?

Mercury would be 76 today.

Some icons have truly left this world too early. It’s a tragedy when anyone doesn’t make it to see old age, but when it happens to a well-known public figure, it’s like a bit of their art and legacy dies with them. What might Freddie Mercury have created if he were granted the gift of long life? Bruce Lee? Princess Diana?

Their futures might be mere musings of our imagination, but thanks to a lot of creativity (and a little tech) we can now get a glimpse into what these celebrities might have looked like when they were older.

Alper Yesiltas, an Istanbul-based lawyer and photographer, created a photography series titled “As If Nothing Happened,” which features eerily realistic portraits of long gone celebrities in their golden years. To make the images as real looking as possible, Yesiltas incorporated various photo editing programs such as Adobe Lightroom and VSCO, as well as the AI photo-enhancing software Remini.

“The hardest part of the creative process for me is making the image feel ‘real’ to me,” Yesiltas wrote about his passion project. “The moment I like the most is when I think the image in front of me looks as if it was taken by a photographer.”

Yesiltas’ meticulousness paid off, because the results are uncanny.

Along with each photo, Yesiltas writes a bittersweet message “wishing” how things might have gone differently … as if nothing happened.
Keep ReadingShow less