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A dad took his daughter on a trip, just the 2 of them, and wrote down what he learned.

Sometime late last year, I found some spare time in my work schedule.

My daughter was slightly more than 2 years old, and I noticed her awareness of her world had gotten more astute. I always have this desire of imparting my experience and knowledge to her, and the best way in my opinion isn’t telling her, but to show her the world myself.

I realized I had this block of eight days available in front of me, and I promptly bought air tickets for the following day, Christmas Eve.


That's her on the flight. She always prefers the window seat. All photos by Stefen Chow, used with permission.

We didn’t bring mum with us as she needed to work, so it became a great excuse for a mini adventure for father and daughter.

The rules were simple.

  • I wanted it to feel casual, rugged, and roughly planned. I made it a rule to reserve rooms one day in advance, so it kept the itinerary spontaneous and fluid.
  • I wanted to stay away from bigger cities as I wanted to spend isolated time with my daughter and not just go on a usual tourist route.
  • I vowed to keep an open mind and also to allow my little one to dictate how the trip went, too.

In a nutshell, I think it was one of the best trips I had in my life and definitely one to remember with my daughter.

We ended up cycling along the eastern coast of Taiwan, hung out with baby animals on a farm, went onto the boats of fishermen, chased trains, climbed hills, sheltered together from a storm, and had more giggles than tantrums.

Christmas Dinner Special in Hua Lien, Taiwan.

This is what I learned:

— Toddlers have sophisticated methods of communication.

They are way smarter, more emphatic, and more understanding than I initially thought. I found that it was far easier to communicate with my daughter using adult language and rationale. We were together in a strange land, and often that put both of us out of our comfort zones. The sooner we realized we were an equal team and needed to depend on each other for moral support and affirmation, the faster the situation improved.

Little Chow figured out why buskers do the performances they do, and she became eager to give them money each time.

"Wives and mothers, if you want your partner to understand how it feels to be one, convince your husband to take a trip with the child without you."

— Most fears were unfounded.

When I first mentioned this trip to my friends and family, the first questions (and assumptions) I got were "How will she get her afternoon nap?" "The child needs her mother!" "This is not normal routine for her; she can do it when she is much older!" I suppose these are valid reasons, but we also find ourselves living in an increasingly protected world where everything from forks to table edges to flooring has been designed for child safety and marketed to the fears of parents. The problem is that we need to take a little leap of faith for interesting life experiences. (As long as there is adult supervision!)

Little Chow attempts to climb down some stairs while balancing a precious lollipop in her hand at the same time.

— It is better for the world to center around the parents, not around the children.

In Asia, there is a tendency to give everything you have to your child. And in Beijing, where I live, I see a lot of parents making sacrifices for their children, yet I see the children becoming spoiled and pampered at a relatively young age. I couldn’t stand seeing 3- or 5-year-olds slapping their parents and grandparents in public, and I certainly don’t want my child behaving that way. By taking her to different environments and experiencing different facets Taiwan had to offer, she quickly learned to adapt to our kind of world.


Little Chow loves her watermelon. Just like her father.

— It is an incredible experience for the father.

Really. I didn’t experience the nine and a half months of having something in my stomach, and though I always acted as a cheerleader by my wife’s side, I think I felt left out of the overall experience. My daughter naturally sticks to her mum more, and her father is always a second option or a third. On a dedicated trip out there with my little one with minimal distractions, I finally had the opportunity to be a full parent.

There are times she can be a little naughty. Perfectly normal and mostly tolerable. I always remind myself that this is a trip I will never forget.

— It makes you appreciate your life partner a lot more.

I still don’t know how mums do it, but I have deeper appreciation for them now. Wives and mothers, if you want your partner to understand how it feels to be one, convince your husband to take a trip with the child without you. Suddenly we are aware of every single thing that happens — the two signals before she gets into a tantrum or when a quiet "yes" means a "no." It is the little things that men (OK, maybe just me) miss out on with a toddler.

She really loves the ocean. I showed her where we were on a map and realized if you could look straight ahead far enough, you would see the west coast of the United States of America.

— It builds a lasting friendship.

My daughter and I had a very healthy relationship before this, but the trip really made us appreciate each other more. Since the trip, I feel that we are able to draw common memories and experiences, and it has certainly brought us closer together. Mummy agrees, so that’s a good thing.

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The Levi Strauss Foundation advances the human rights and well-being of underserved people in places where the company has a business presence
Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Joy

Thomas Jefferson coined a hip and funny phrase for abrupt goodbyes that still holds up today

A great phrase for when you've just gotta leave without explanation.

thomas jefferson, goodbye, name is haines, woman waving, us history
via White House/Wikimedia Commons and Canva/Photos

Thomas Jefferson and a woman waving.

"Irish goodbye" is a term for when someone slips out of an event without telling anyone, avoiding the awkwardness of announcing their departure. (Though the Irish didn't necessarily invent the phenomenon.) But what do we call it when someone decides to turn tail and leave a situation immediately, without any explanation at all? These days, there doesn't seem to be a name for a sudden, unexpected exit. Back in the 1800s, however, there was one, courtesy of the third president, Thomas Jefferson.

The phrase: "My name is Haines."

This may sound a bit strange, but it all stems from an unusual interaction Jefferson had while in office with a member of the opposition party. According to Monticello.org, The Weekly Picayune originally published the story in New Orleans on February 17, 1840.

The story behind "My name is Haines"

In 1805, during his second term as president, Jefferson was riding near Monticello, his Virginia residence, when he struck up a conversation with another man on the road. Amusingly, the man had no idea who he was speaking to, and as a rank-and-file member of the Federalist Party, which opposed Jefferson's Democratic-Republican Party, he had plenty of harsh words for the president.

monticello, thomas jefferson, jefferson house, virginia, famous houses Thomas Jefferson's Monticello.via Martin Falbisoner/Wikimedia Commons

The Weekly Picayune wrote:

"Haines took particular pains to abuse Mr. Jefferson; called him all kinds of hard names, ran down every measure of his administration, poked the non-intercourse and embargo acts at him as most outrageous and ruinous, ridiculed his gun-boat system as preposterous and nonsensical, opposed his purchase of Louisiana as a wild scheme — in short, took up every leading feature of the politics of the day, and descanted upon them and their originator with the greatest bitterness."

Jefferson simply listened, neither in the mood to argue nor to reveal his identity. When the two arrived at Jefferson's home, the president invited the man inside for refreshments. At one point, the visitor asked the president for his name. Here is how it was reported in The Weekly Picayune:

"Jefferson," said the President, blandly.

"The [devil]! What, Thomas Jefferson?"

"Yes sir, Thomas Jefferson."

"President Thomas Jefferson?" continued the astonished Federalist.

"The same," rejoined Mr. Jefferson.

"Well, my name is Haines!" and putting spurs to his horse, he was out of hearing instantly.

jefferson memorial, tidal basin, washington d.c., historical monuments, american history The Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.via Joe Ravi/Wikimedia Commons

Why did Haines ride off so quickly?

There are many reasons Haines may have decided to bail on the president so abruptly. He was likely embarrassed after bad-mouthing the president to his face and may not have wanted to risk any reprisal for his harsh words. And as someone who harbored deep ill will toward the president, he probably had no interest in entertaining his company. Regardless, "My name is Haines" became a popular phrase after appearing in The Weekly Picayune , and it was used whenever someone wanted to leave a situation suddenly and without explanation.

The phrase would be used until around the Civil War, but by the beginning of the 20th century, it, too, had said goodbye. It faded away rather than vanishing in an instant, as Mr. Haines famously did.

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Millennial mother updates tough-love Boomer parenting lines to make her daughter feel loved

"I brought you into this world..."

gentle parenting, mom and daughter, heart to heart, good parenting, happy family
via Canva/Photos

A mother and daughter having a conversation.

The biggest difference between Baby Boomers and Millennials as parents is the older generation preferred a tough-love approach to raising their kids. In contrast, Millennials are more likely to choose gentleness. There are many reasons for this shift—some say it's a way for Millennials to heal their inner child, promote greater emotional intelligence, and break intergenerational trauma cycles.

A recent study by Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago found that 74% of Millennial parents prefer gentle parenting, whereas Boomers generally used a mix of authoritarian and authoritative styles. This means that when Millennials became parents, they had to set aside certain methods their parents used. One of the big ones was letting go of Boomer parenting one-liners and comebacks that, these days, can be seen as incredibly negative.

mom and daughter, mom, daughter, offended daughter, daughter won't listen A mom motions to her young daughter.via Canva/Photos

Popular Boomer parenting phrases:

"I’ll give you something to cry about.”

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.”

"As long as you live under my roof, you’ll obey my rules.”

“Because I said so…”

“If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”

“Back in my day, we had to…”

“Stop being so sensitive.”

“Wait until your father gets home.”

“Do as I say, and not as I do.”

“I love you, but I don’t like you right now.”

A great example of how parent-child relationships have evolved across generations is an Instagram post by Mariela De La Mora (@mariela.delamora), a leadership and business coach. In the video, the 44-year-old mom asked her 9-year-old daughter how a parent would finish a series of sentences that Millennials and Gen Xers heard growing up.

"I’ll give you something…" De La Mora asked her daughter, who responded, “to clean your room?"

"I brought you into this world and…” her mother asked, and the daughter responded, “I love you.”

"As long as you live under my roof…" the mother asked, and her daughter responded, “You’re safe."

The daughter’s answers were telling because she didn’t expect a parent to say something snarky and authoritative to their child. Instead, she assumed a parent would say something loving and affirmational. It really shows how gentle parenting has changed the mindsets of the younger generation. De La Mora believes that by stopping the use of these toxic phrases, children carry less burdens than previous generations.

“Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come until you look around and realize who is walking around this earth more ‘unburdened,’ because of you,” she wrote on the post. “Children or not, there is someone who is more unburdened because of how hard you had to work to reparent yourself. Let this be your reminder.”

gentle parenting, mom and daughter, heart to heart, good parenting, happy family A mother and daughter having a close conversation. via Canva/Photos

“Okay, we millennials are obviously not perfect parents, but I feel that as a generation we have collectively decided to attempt and raise our children in the safest, most self-aware and emotionally intelligent homes,” one person wrote in the comments. “I never realized how traumatic and heartbreaking these phrases were. Until hearing them end differently,” another added.

There is much debate over whether authoritative or gentle parenting styles are best for raising children. The simple takeaway is that children raised by authoritative parents tend to be more independent and free-thinking, whereas those raised under gentle parenting tend to have higher emotional intelligence. But what De La Mora’s video proves is that, even though there may be good debates over which parenting styles are better, we can probably all agree that some parenting phrases are best left in the past.

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Woman gets shamed at CVS for 'son's' unusual name. The reality has people rolling.

"You'll really name your son anything, huh?"

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names
@sarahwithscrubs/TikTok, used with permission

Honestly, most of us would have reacted this way.

It started like any ordinary pharmacy errand. A Michigan woman named Sarah was waiting at CVS to pick up a prescription for her “son.” When another woman waiting in line overheard the name of her “son,” she apparently couldn’t help but let out an unsolicited opinion.

“You’ll really name your son anything, huh?” the woman said with a sigh.

The name in question? Whiskey.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names At least it wasn't Bubbles. Photo credit: Canva

Now, if you’re picturing a tiny human in a onesie named after your dad’s favorite Friday-night drink, and feeling a little baffled in the process, don’t worry. So was everyone else.

Except Whiskey isn’t a little boy. He’s a red golden retriever.

Yep. Sarah’s “son” is of the four-legged variety, currently undergoing cancer treatments and racking up a pharmacy bill that could rival a small country’s GDP. She and her husband get his prescriptions filled at their local CVS because (fun fact) many human and animal meds are the same, just at different doses.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. media4.giphy.com

As Sarah explained to Newsweek, this strategy saves them a few bucks, but can certainly lead to some incredible misunderstandings.

In her TikTok video, which has now been watched over 3 million times, Sarah retold this CVS name-shaming incident, and viewers collectively lost it.

@sarahwithscrubs I should’ve thrown in I was picking up his cancer meds too lol 🤭😂 #fyp #foryoupage #storytime #dogs #smallcreator ♬ original sound - sarah renee

One commenter shared, “I was shaming you too until you said dog!” Another wrote, “I mean, Whiskey is a horrible name for a child 😂 But for a dog? Okay lol.”

However, a few folks came to Sarah’s defense. One person noted, “There are women named Brandi—what’s wrong with Whiskey?” Another admitted, “in my 49 years I didn't know CVS filled pet meds!"

It’s the kind of mix-up that reminds us how funny life can be when the human and animal worlds collide. Because let’s face it: Whiskey the dog? Adorable. Whiskey the toddler? Maybe… less so. It might be a mostly unspoken rule, but a rule nonetheless.

As for what became of that misunderstanding, Sarah shared that when the other woman called Whiskey a "horrible" name for a child to grow up with that could lead to getting bullied in school, Sarah quipped back with "Well, he's a dog. So I don't think so." Upon that realization, Sarah told Newsweek that she “apologized very nicely” once she learned that Whiskey was, in fact, a dog.

As Sarah put it, the stranger “just left in a hurry, probably to think about her actions later.”

Meanwhile, TikTok is still chuckling, and celebrating one very good boy with a name that fits him perfectly.

Moral of the story: some names are meant for baby humans, like Zach or Emma. Others are for the fur babies who greet you at the door with a wagging tail and oodles of love…like Whiskey. 🐾🥃

This article originally appeared last year

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'Spiritual shift': ICU nurse shares the one phrase that means someone will pass very soon

"You guys, people know when they're gonna die."

hospice, icu dying, passing away, final moments, afterlife
via Canva/Photos

A man who is ready to pass away.

When people in the healthcare world experience death on a regular basis, they begin to see patterns in the timing of when patients pass away. Hospice workers say that when people are in their final days, they begin to see their departed loved ones surrounding their hospital bed. They will also share many of the same regrets and have frequent hallucinations.

Kirstie Robb, a TikToker who has worked as an ICU nurse for the past four years, has noticed a trend in people who are about to pass away. She says that when she hears a specific phrase from those who are brought in, regardless of the reason, they will be gone very soon: "Every single person who passes away says the same thing," she explained in her TikTok. "They say…'Can you please tell my family I love them? I don't feel good. I know I'm gonna die.'"

Somehow, people know when they are ready to die

@kirstierobbb

those who are meant to see this will see it.

Death is such a mysterious process that Robb can’t believe that so many people she’s seen know when the moment is upon them. We’re never trained to sense our death. Why is it that these people have such a clear understanding it's upon them? Robb says it is due to an internal, spiritual shift that defies medical understanding. "You guys, people know when they're gonna die," she says.

“There's a shift that happens that's spiritual, that nobody can explain, right? Their vitals may be stable. Their condition may be the exact same way it was when they came in. There's nothing inherently dangerous,” she continued. “Yet in every single circumstance, no matter what brought them in initially, no matter how many hours it is from the last time that they said that, they always die. Always.”


hands, holding hands, hospice, hospital bed, death, final days, Holding a hospice patient's hand. via via Canva/Photos


Lessons from being among the dying

Robb’s experience with the dying led her to remind everyone how important our lives are and to focus on what truly matters, rather than chasing material possessions. “Life is not meant to be an endless pursuit of things. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Life is meant to be appreciated. Life is meant to be explored. Why are you actually here?” Robb asks.

There is no research-based reason for this shift that occurs in people when they know they are going to pass, but David Casarett, M.D. explained his experience with it in Psychology Today.

afterlife, going to the light, bright light, death, final days, hallucination, heaven A man walking towards the light.via via Canva/Photos

“What they tell me is that they feel—something. Something different, or changing, or new. One young man dying of a sarcoma told me he felt free. Another middle-aged woman dying of liver cancer said she felt like she was falling out of a plane. Both had been correct to sense something amiss, and both died within the hour,” Dr. Casarett wrote. “I don't know how we could possibly foresee our own deaths. I'm not saying it's impossible; it's just beyond my power to explain.”

While there is a lot of mystery surrounding death, Robb and Dr. Casarett’s experience with it shows that those who are ready to pass away seem to be at peace and accepting of their final journey home, wherever that may be. It should give all of us a feeling of relief that our final hours may be the most peaceful we ever experienced.

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Acclaimed leadership expert shares a simple hack that turns self-doubt into a huge asset

The "spotlight effect" stops people in their tracks, but it doesn't have to.

spotlight effect, imposter syndrome, shade zahrai, behaviorial therapy, mind hack
Photo credit: Canva

A woman sits at a desk, overwhelmed and frustrated.

Quite often, people receive a promotion, praise, or a new assignment at work and feel imposter syndrome when the stakes suddenly rise. They may feel like frauds or flukes, even though their past accomplishments are exactly what got them there. There is a feeling of being seen, paired with a fear of being "found out." If this sounds familiar, a leadership and behavioral expert has a tip to "take the spotlight off yourself and turn it into a flashlight."

Dr. Shadé Zahrai went on TikTok to advise people experiencing imposter syndrome through what's known as the "spotlight effect." To put it briefly, the spotlight effect is a mental bias that causes people to vastly overestimate how much others notice, judge, or remember them. It can make someone feel as if they are under a spotlight, anxious that others are watching closely and ready to call them out.

The truth, according to Zahrai and other experts, is that most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice, remember, or care enough to audit someone else. While that realization can be a relief, it still may not be enough on its own to offset imposter syndrome.

@shadezahrai

If you feel like a fraud and imposter, this is why – and what to do about it. My book is out in just three days! If you order it now you get thousands of dollars of bonuses - but you have to order it before Jan 20!

Zahrai said people can flip the thought and energy of the spotlight away from their identity and aim it like a flashlight at the problem itself to find a solution. The internal narrative of "I don't know what I'm doing and I'm going to be exposed" becomes "This is the issue I'm concerned about. What do I need to do or learn to address it?" It takes "I'm a fraud" and flips it into "Why do I feel like a fraud?"

"Confidence doesn't require you to know everything in advance,” said Zahrai. "It just requires you to trust yourself enough to stay in the room, ask the question, and figure things out as you go."

@aliabdaal

Have you ever heard of the spotlight effect?

Behavioral specialists weigh in

Other behavioral experts and therapists who spoke to Upworthy shared what they would recommend to someone experiencing the spotlight effect.

"So much of anxiety is perception of how others perceive you and what they're thinking about you," said licensed therapist Cristina Billingsley. "Being that [the spotlight effect] is a common occurrence for people, I remind clients there's comfort in knowing you're not alone. Reminding ourselves that this theory has been tested and research shows that people overestimate how much people are actually thinking about or noticing them. Next time you're spiraling about this, ask yourself 'Yeah....and?' Does it matter in the long run...today, tomorrow, next week? Does this person's opinion truly matter to me? Would I judge someone or be this critical about them?"

@wellwithraele

Remember this for your next social interaction or conversation 💬 #wellwithraele #socialskills #perspective

Some experts agreed that the spotlight effect pivot Zahrai recommended could be used to one's personal advantage.

"Reframe the spotlight effect as a flashlight moment, turning the fear of failure and making mistakes into an opportunity to showcase your zone of genius so that others can learn from you," said Dr. Angela Chen, a clinical psychologist. "Take repeated action, as it will allow your brain to rewire the spotlight effect through exposure and extinction learning. Consistent and repeated exposure through taking steps toward what matters to you and what kind of person you strive to be allows your brain to create and strengthen new, non-threatening neural pathways."

Other experts did not think Zahrai's flashlight pivot was an effective way to eliminate the spotlight effect altogether.

"The approach of turning a spotlight into a flashlight treats the issue as attention-based instead of deep-rooted," said licensed psychotherapist Doriel Jacov. "This might work in the short-term but it doesn't address the cause of the anxiety. Many with imposter syndrome have internalized a harsh inner critic. If you simply redirect your attention, it doesn't get rid of that internalization. It might offer some temporary relief, but the inner critic will find its way back to you."

Jacov added, "Second, since the spotlight effect is fueled by negative self-perception, when you turn it into a flashlight, you might turn that negative perception outward. This leaves you judgmental and highly critical of others, which can have negative relational impacts. You may find yourself consciously or unconsciously devaluing others."

Jacov did agree with Chen that frequent exposure can help people navigate their emotions and offset the impact of the spotlight effect.

"The biggest advice I have is to put yourself in situations that elicit the spotlight," concluded Jacov. "The more you expose yourself to those feelings and that type of environment, the more you'll be able to learn that you're emotionally safe. You'll learn that no one thinks of you in the way you think of yourself."

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