More

A Cop Stops A Black Man For Walking With His Hands In His Pockets. Reasonableness Happens Next.

A police officer had reports of a suspicious black man walking down the street with his hands in his pockets. Seriously.

A Cop Stops A Black Man For Walking With His Hands In His Pockets. Reasonableness Happens Next.

What happened next was probably the best possible outcome in the situation. The officer pulled out his phone and recorded too. And then they had a civil discussion about the ridiculousness of the situation. Had they not both filmed, it could have turned out differently. But recent research found, in Rialto, California, for example, that using body cams decreased citizen complaints by 88% and use of force dropped 59%. If every interaction were as calm as this one, imagine the amount of trust that could be earned on both sides.

All he did was walk down the street while black. In the cold. With his hands in his pockets. Because of the aforementioned cold. The police were called because of that. Wrap your brain around that. It's ridiculous. B Mckean, the guy behind the camera, was rightfully frustrated with the whole situation. He has to deal with things I don't have to deal with every single day.


Respect is a two-way street. This officer actually listened and took the call with the amount of skepticism it deserved.

UPDATE: Since this was published, there's been a news development. Charges were not brought against the police officer who was implicated in Eric Garner's death after being filmed using a banned choke hold. Had he been wearing a camera himself, he might have shown some restraint. But sadly, cameras will not fix everything. They are only one tool in a larger overhaul we need in how we police and communicate as a country.

We need to have independent prosecutors who aren't connected to police. Our district attorneys shouldn't have to — nor are they often able to — judge the case with an impartial ear. They rely on those police for help in other cases. Neither the officers nor the prosecutor should be put into an adversarial position with each other. It helps keep everything on the up and up. And seeking a special prosecutor leaves less doubt about whatever conclusion they come to. Recusal is a good thing that keeps things transparent.

We also need to change police priorities. Most of the cases that the officer in questions dealt with involved low-level misdemeanors for things like smoking pot (which is now legal in some states). And the officer had a history of being aggressive. If his superiors had better priorities, he might not ever have had cause to interact with Eric Garner in the first place.

Fixing the state we’re in right now obviously has to involve more than just adding cameras and independent prosecutors. What else can help us fix this cycle we're trapped in?

But I digress.

Thankfully, B McKean and the officer in this video both handled the situation professionally and courteously (even with the awkward high-five.) We need more officers behaving this way. This was a tiny step in the right direction, but it really should be the status quo. We need more trust and respect from those in power for those folks who aren't in power. Otherwise those who aren't will never be able to give the police any trust or respect. And we'll be back where we started.

So more cameras for everyone, more transparency for everyone, and better police and citizen relations for all.

True

When Sue Hoppin was in college, she met the man she was going to marry. "I was attending the University of Denver, and he was at the Air Force Academy," she says. "My dad had also attended the University of Denver and warned me not to date those flyboys from the Springs."

"He didn't say anything about marrying one of them," she says. And so began her life as a military spouse.

The life brings some real advantages, like opportunities to live abroad — her family got to live all around the US, Japan, and Germany — but it also comes with some downsides, like having to put your spouse's career over your own goals.

"Though we choose to marry someone in the military, we had career goals before we got married, and those didn't just disappear."

Career aspirations become more difficult to achieve, and progress comes with lots of starts and stops. After experiencing these unique challenges firsthand, Sue founded an organization to help other military spouses in similar situations.

Sue had gotten a degree in international relations because she wanted to pursue a career in diplomacy, but for fourteen years she wasn't able to make any headway — not until they moved back to the DC area. "Eighteen months later, many rejections later, it became apparent that this was going to be more challenging than I could ever imagine," she says.

Eighteen months is halfway through a typical assignment, and by then, most spouses are looking for their next assignment. "If I couldn't find a job in my own 'hometown' with multiple degrees and a great network, this didn't bode well for other military spouses," she says.

She's not wrong. Military spouses spend most of their lives moving with their partners, which means they're often far from family and other support networks. When they do find a job, they often make less than their civilian counterparts — and they're more likely to experience underemployment or unemployment. In fact, on some deployments, spouses are not even allowed to work.

Before the pandemic, military spouse unemployment was 22%. Since the pandemic, it's expected to rise to 35%.

Sue eventually found a job working at a military-focused nonprofit, and it helped her get the experience she needed to create her own dedicated military spouse program. She wrote a book and started saving up enough money to start the National Military Spouse Network (NMSN), which she founded in 2010 as the first organization of its kind.

"I founded the NMSN to help professional military spouses develop flexible careers they could perform from any location."

"Over the years, the program has expanded to include a free digital magazine, professional development events, drafting annual White Papers and organizing national and local advocacy to address the issues of most concern to the professional military spouse community," she says.

Not only was NMSN's mission important to Sue on a personal level she also saw it as part of something bigger than herself.

"Gone are the days when families can thrive on one salary. Like everyone else, most military families rely on two salaries to make ends meet. If a military spouse wants or needs to work, they should be able to," she says.

"When less than one percent of our population serves in the military," she continues, "we need to be able to not only recruit the best and the brightest but also retain them."

"We lose out as a nation when service members leave the force because their spouse is unable to find employment. We see it as a national security issue."

"The NMSN team has worked tirelessly to jumpstart the discussion and keep the challenges affecting military spouses top of mind. We have elevated the conversation to Congress and the White House," she continues. "I'm so proud of the fact that corporations, the government, and the general public are increasingly interested in the issues affecting military spouses and recognizing the employment roadblocks they unfairly have faced."

"We have collectively made other people care, and in doing so, we elevated the issues of military spouse unemployment to a national and global level," she adds. "In the process, we've also empowered military spouses to advocate for themselves and our community so that military spouse employment issues can continue to remain at the forefront."

Not only has NMSN become a sought-after leader in the military spouse employment space, but Sue has also seen the career she dreamed of materializing for herself. She was recently invited to participate in the public re-launch of Joining Forces, a White House initiative supporting military and veteran families, with First Lady Dr. Jill Biden.

She has also had two of her recommendations for practical solutions introduced into legislation just this year. She was the first in the Air Force community to show leadership the power of social media to reach both their airmen and their military families.

That is why Sue is one of Tory Burch's "Empowered Women" this year. The $5,000 donation will be going to The Madeira School, a school that Sue herself attended when she was in high school because, she says, "the lessons I learned there as a student pretty much set the tone for my personal and professional life. It's so meaningful to know that the donation will go towards making a Madeira education more accessible to those who may not otherwise be able to afford it and providing them with a life-changing opportunity."

Most military children will move one to three times during high school so having a continuous four-year experience at one high school can be an important gift. After traveling for much of her formative years, Sue attended Madeira and found herself "in an environment that fostered confidence and empowerment. As young women, we were expected to have a voice and advocate not just for ourselves, but for those around us."

To learn more about Tory Burch and Upworthy's Empowered Women program visit https://www.toryburch.com/empoweredwomen/. Nominate an inspiring woman in your community today!

Canva

Dr. David McPhee offers advice for talking to someone living in a different time in their head.

Few things are more difficult than watching a loved one's grip on reality slipping away. Dementia can be brutal for families and caregivers, and knowing how to handle the various stages can be tricky to figure out.

The Alzheimer's Association offers tips for communicating in the early, middle and late stages of the disease, as dementia manifests differently as the disease progresses. The Family Caregiver Alliance also offers advice for talking to someone with various forms and phases of dementia. Some communication tips deal with confusion, agitation and other challenging behaviors that can come along with losing one's memory, and those tips are incredibly important. But what about when the person is seemingly living in a different time, immersed in their memories of the past, unaware of what has happened since then?

Psychologist David McPhee shared some advice with a person on Quora who asked, "How do I answer my dad with dementia when he talks about his mom and dad being alive? Do I go along with it or tell him they have passed away?"

McPhee wrote:

Keep Reading Show less