When we think of someone likable, we often imagine a person with a big personality who’s the life of the party. We conjure up images of social butterflies and people who keep everyone at the dinner party glued to their every word when they tell a story. The funny thing is, according to research, that’s not really the case.
Studies show that the easiest way to make someone like you is to show interest by asking questions during the conversation and making it clear that you like them. People also really love those who come off as genuine.
Michael Gendler, a co-founder of Ultraspeaking, a platform that helps people master the art of public speaking, shared three “magic” phrases on Instagram that make you more likable, all of which align with what science tells us.
Three phrases that make you more likable
1: “Here’s what really scares me…”
This phrase resonates with people because it shows you’re genuine by admitting your vulnerability. “Man, talk about your fears, real fears, not like ‘Oh, I’m scared I’m going to be too successful.’ Tell us about something that actually scares you. Don’t be guarded. Be open, and other people will appreciate that,” Gendler says.
2: “You know what I really like about you?”
This phrase makes people like you because it counters a psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias, which suggests we tend to overestimate how clearly we express our feelings to others. This means that, many times, when we think others know we like them, they may not be so sure. So a little assurance goes a long way toward showing them the feeling is mutual. “People love being complimented as long as it is genuine,” Gendler says.
3: “Tell me more”
As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People, the key to interacting with others is focusing on being interested in them rather than trying to impress them by being interesting. “To be interesting, be interested,” Carnegie writes.
A Harvard study supports this, showing that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners. Redirecting the conversation back to yourself, on the other hand, tends to decrease liking. “People love feeling like what they’re saying is interesting. So invite them to speak more,” Gendler continues.
Don’t forget to be genuine
Ultraspeaking’s post is a breath of fresh air for those who aren’t comfortable trying to impress others at parties, on dates, or in the office. The video shows that if you make people feel important, they’re much more likely to like you in return. The key is that it has to come from the heart.
“Remember, don’t just use these phrases and expect them to work,” Gendler says. “They have to be genuine and open. That’s what makes people likable.”
This article originally appeared [time-difference] ago. It has been updated.
