One of the most challenging parts of a conversation is decoding someone’s body language to determine whether they are listening (or pretending to listen) to you. It can be especially difficult because you have to decipher their signals while you’re talking.
Those of us who can accurately tell whether an audience is paying attention can become better communicators because we’ll know whether we’re connecting with others or need to change the topic or find a new way to share information.
According to communication experts, one of the most accurate ways to tell whether someone is paying attention when you speak is to listen for backchannels.
What are backchannels?
Backchannels are a “fundamental” part of communication: short responses the non-speaking person makes to indicate they are listening. They include verbal cues such as “mm-hmm,” “right,” “exactly,” and “yep,” as well as nonverbal signals like making eye contact, nodding, and reacting with facial expressions. Backchannels let your conversation partner show they are with you without interrupting or taking over the conversation.
If you aren’t sure whether your conversation partner is paying attention, a great way to find out is by paying attention to these backchannels. Are you hearing quick verbal confirmations such as “mm-hmm” or “yep,” or did those fade away a few minutes earlier? Are they leaning in to hear you better or leaning back? Have they nodded in agreement within the past minute or so? If those signals have disappeared, your conversation partner may be checking out, and it might be time to wrap things up or change the topic.
Experts point out that backchanneling is culturally dependent, and people from different backgrounds use backchannels at varying frequencies. The key, regardless of who you’re speaking to, is to notice whether the frequency of those signals decreases over time. If it does, that may be a sign they’re no longer paying attention.
Body language provides important backchannel cues
Dr. Jeremy Nicholson notes that body language can also indicate whether someone is listening.
“According to their research, individuals show interest in general interactions by making eye contact, looking at the other person, smiling, moving closer, and socially touching them at times,” he wrote in Psychology Today. “In contrast to the above behaviors, disinterested people tend to slouch, move away, yawn, look away, turn away, fidget, or just generally look bored.”
Research shows that people tend to show more interest in a conversation at the beginning of a new topic, and their attention slowly wanes over time. The good news is that when you change the topic, their interest tends to perk back up. So if you see someone showing signs of boredom, try switching to another topic. You may find that they light up again.
Interpersonal communication can be tricky, and one way to get better at it is to understand when others are paying attention to what you have to say. Take note of how your conversation partner nods and agrees as you speak, and if those signals start to drop off, it may be time to switch to a fresh topic.
