Some believe responding “What?” when your name is called is rude. Parents are often fond of responding to a child saying “what” with a good old-fashioned “Don’t ‘what’ me.” Others aren’t too bothered by it and think a more polite response is a bit too formal.
Angelica Daniell, 38, currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina, says teaching her children to respond to their names with “Yes?” has brought more peace to her home. She was raised in a “What?” family, and changing the rule in her home has made a big difference.
Are you in a “what” family or a “yes” family?
“When you guys were growing up, and your parents would call you, and they’d say your name, would you say, ‘What?’ Because I grew up like, ‘what?’ You know?” she began her TikTok video.
“Ever since my kids could talk, my husband taught our kids to say ‘yes.’ So if we call Ray, he’d say, ‘Yes.’ And then he needs to come—like, yes, I hear you, but I’m coming. You don’t stay in that place and talk to you from downstairs, and you’re upstairs,” she said. “I don’t know, I just thought that’s such a special and precious thing. And I love when I call my kids, and they say, ‘Yes?’ and they come to me. I can’t tell you what that does for me.”
The big problem people have with using “what” as a response to a family member calling their name is that it makes them sound annoyed. It’s like they mean to ask, “What are you bugging me about?” or “What do you want?” By contrast, saying “yes” signals that you’re welcoming the request or favor and are ready to help.
Not everyone agrees. “I definitely grew up as a ‘what’ type of family. I still don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not sure why people find it disrespectful,” one person said in the comments.
“My mom always said, ‘Don’t what me,’” another added.
“Even hearing ‘what’ even from other adults.. feels disrespectful,” said another.
The discussion also pointed to a bigger issue. “Genuine question for adults currently in/raised in a ‘what’ household… do y’all answer ‘what’ at work when someone calls you!?” a commenter asked.
Daniell believes that when children are polite in the home, it follows them throughout their lives. “Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage,” she told Newsweek. “If our kids say ‘yes’ to us, our hope is they will also say it to their teachers, friends [and] coaches.”
Napoleon Hill, author of the mega-bestseller Think and Grow Rich, believed that it’s important for parents to be polite to their children as well.
“Politeness to others is usually born out of respect for the individual, which you learn as a child,” Hill wrote. “When you are treated with respect by other members of the family, you learn to respect them as well. The self-esteem that results from being recognized as a unique person by the people who matter most to you helps you develop the confidence necessary to succeed later in life. Politeness and consideration for others are habits that—once developed—usually stay with you for a lifetime.”
When people debate whether it’s better to live in a “what” or a “yes” family, it’s important to recognize that manners start at home. Even though the “what” folks may think the “yes” folks are being too formal, the habits formed at home will help define a child’s life in the real world. Finding manners in school or the office is a lot harder when you never had them at home.
