What parents want their black sons to do when they’re stopped by the cops

It’s not a matter of if their sons will encounter the police, it’s when. So they want them to be prepared.

These guys are dads. They’ve also been stopped by the cops.

“As I’m putting my hands on the steering wheel so I don’t make the police nervous, I realize how nervous I was, and then I realize my children were nervous.”


“Some people pull us out of the car, throw us on the floor. It’s in February, so it’s, like, snow and slush and stuff on the ground, put their knees in our back, put the guns to our head.”

Whether they’re traveling with their kids or solo, these fathers have something in common. At times, they’ve all felt unfairly targeted by the police due to their race.

In an effort to keep their sons ahead of the curve, they’re giving them “the cop talk” in advance. Emmy-Award-winning filmmakers Geeta Gandbhir and Blair Foster, along with an awesome production team including Perri Peltz, Michele Stephenson, and Joe Brewster, put these chats on tape.

It grew into a five-minute documentary called “A Conversation with My Black Son,” originally published by The New York Times’ Op-Docs section. It features parents sharing advice with their sons on how to interact with the police.

Geeta told Upworthy exclusively:

“This conversation, which has been happening in the black community for generations, will resound with parents everywhere. It’s a universal desire to want your children to be safe.”

As a mom to two African-American boys, the filmmaker interviewed parents from her inner circle. Although all of them are parenting young black men, the tips they each had for their sons while interacting with cops were totally different. Here are a few from both moms and dads:

  • “Do what they say; don’t get into any arguments.”
  • “Make sure your hands are out of your pockets so they can see.”
  • “Under no circumstance are you to talk to the police if you’re arrested until I get there.”
  • “It’s not like ‘Please, master, don’t whip me.’ No, it’s like, ‘Excuse me, sir, what is your badge number? I’m going to film this.’”
  • “If you want police brutality to stop, if you want police to treat you like a human being, then you have to see yourself as a human being.”

Doling out advice like this didn’t come easy. Some parents shed some tears. Others smiled uncomfortably.

They said:

  • “It’s maddening; I get so frustrated and angry about having to prepare my kids for something that they’re not responsible for.”
  • “You can put your hands up and cooperate and say that I’m choking and still be killed … then there’s no repercussions.”
  • “It doesn’t mean that every police officer is inherently a bad person, but what it does mean is that the police force, that institution, does not look out for your best interest.”

A Conversation with My Black Son” is first in a series of documentaries that Geeta and her team launched after the string of police brutality incidents in Florida, Missouri, and Ohio. The film is part of a larger interactive series in production, that will be released in partnership with Op-Docs. It will include a speaking tour that candidly discusses the current state of race relations in the U.S.

Geeta has two goals: “to create a safe space where uncomfortable conversations about race and civil rights can happen … that allow different communities to experience each other’s realities without feeling accused or attacked” and to educate black kids.

“We do believe that an age-appropriate conversation about the obstacles commonly faced by African-American children will help them adjust to those obstacles and develop coping strategies that will serve them for a lifetime.” — Geeta Gandbhir

To hear more from these brave parents, you can hear their thoughts below.

  • One couple’s perfect response to people asking when they’re going to have kids
    She’s giving birth to a puppy.Photo credit: Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.
    , , ,

    One couple’s perfect response to people asking when they’re going to have kids

    Choosing to have kids or not have kids is no one else’s decision but yours.


    “When are you guys going to start having kids?”

    Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

    The pressure really started to mount when the pair, who’ve been together for eight years, got married three years ago. While Carrie loves kids (she’s an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren’t interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

    “It’s not what I was meant for,” explains Carrie in a Facebook message. “It’s like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn’t mean I want to grow my own. I’m perfectly happy admiring other people’s gardens.”

    Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don’t plan on having kids but knew if she did, they’d say something like, “Oh you’ll change your mind one day!” and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head.

    marriage, adults, children, social pressure, pregnancy
    Dressed to the nines on their wedding day. Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

    Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided to do something a little bit different.

    Since the couple was adding another mouth to feed to the family, they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist: The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

    pets, viral, moms, dads, maternity, babies
    Look at my newborn baby… puppy. Photo via <a href="https://imgur.com/gallery/DLQcpW2">Carrie Jensen/Imgur</a>, used with permission.

    “My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?” she captioned the photos.

    Her pictures went insanely viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded “kids ” question.

    kids, choices, population, survey
    The adorable pup. Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

    “If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it’s all about them now,” wrote one user. “I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain’t easy and cheap,” wrote another.

    “I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever,” chimed in a third.

    Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. “Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues,” she says. “It’s exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”

    Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

    In 2014, the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey found 47.6% of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, which is the highest percentage on record. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

    Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else’s.

    holidays, gifts, womanu2019s rights, gender equality,
    The holiday photo in front of the Christmas tree. Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

    No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren’t afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.

    This article originally appeared nine years ago.

  • Mom rips into husbands who expect their wives to do housework in crazy viral Facebook post
    Constance Hall asks for domestic equality. Photo credit: via Constance Hall/Facebook

    It’s the 21st century, and as a civilization, we’ve come a long way. No, there are no flying cars (yet), but we all carry tiny supercomputers in our pockets, can own drones, and can argue with strangers from all around the world as long as they have Internet access.

    And yet, women are still having to ask their partners to help out around the house. What gives?

    Recently, Blogger Constance Hall went on a highly-relatable rant about spouses assuming responsibility for housework, and women everywhere are all, ” .”

    [iframe https://www.facebook.com/v2.10/plugins/post.php?app_id=122204924841048&channel=https%3A%2F%2Fstaticxx.facebook.com%2Fx%2Fconnect%2Fxd_arbiter%2F%3Fversion%3D46%23cb%3Df34e607b37fae8%26domain%3Dwww.upworthy.com%26is_canvas%3Dfalse%26origin%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.upworthy.com%252Ff3323c4414b953c%26relation%3Dparent.parent&container_width=810&href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fmrsconstancehall%2Fposts%2F1784223994955751&locale=en_US&sdk=joey&width=552 allow=”encrypted-media” allowfullscreen=”true” allowtransparency=”true” class=”” data-testid=”fb:post Facebook Social Plugin” frameborder=”0″ height=”1000px” name=”fa9b1d18cb1208″ scrolling=”no” style=”border: none; visibility: visible; width: 552px; height: 698px;” title=”fb:post Facebook Social Plugin” width=”552px”]

    Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing “preach Queen”, someone said to me “if you want help you need to be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.”

    So I tried that, asking.. specifics..

    “Can you take the bin out?”

    “Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years”

    “Can you go to woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond.”

    And yeah, she was right… shit got done.But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…?

    NOTHING. Again.

    And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.

    We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them. Just do it. Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house.

    Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet? Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day? Is one of you carrying the weight?

    Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists….All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration.

    That’s your job. Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.

    Hall’s post touches on the concept of emotional labor, which can be defined as “the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job.”

    In other words, although Hall’s partner may be the one carrying out the tasks she assigns him, it is still Hall’s job to be the “manager” of the household, and keep track of what things need to get done. And anyone who runs a household knows that juggling and keeping track of chores is just as exhausting as executing them. There’s also the idea of being the “default parent.” which, more often than not, tends to be mothers. It’s a lot to handle.

    At time of publication, Hall’s post was shared nearly 100,000 times. That’s a lot of frustrated ladies!

    When your girl Far Kew sends you the perfect present. You will find this and more cunty cups on her facebook page ??
    Posted by Constance Hall on Thursday, November 30, 2017

    Women in the comments section seemed to overwhelmingly agree with Hall’s post.

    Let’s all learn to share the load…laundry and otherwise.

    This article originally appeared seven years ago.

  • A dad’s hilarious letter to school asks them to explain why they’re living in 1968
    ArrayPhoto credit: Array
    , , ,

    A dad’s hilarious letter to school asks them to explain why they’re living in 1968

    “I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium.”

    Earlier in the week, Stephen Callaghan’s daughter Ruby came home from school. When he asked her how her day was, her answer made him raise an eyebrow. Ruby, who’s in the sixth grade at her school in Australia, told her dad that the boys would soon be taken on a field trip to Bunnings (a hardware chain in the area) to learn about construction.

    The girls, on the other hand? While the boys were out learning, they would be sent to the library to have their hair and makeup done. Ruby’s reply made Callaghan do a double take. What year was it, again? Callaghan decided to write a letter to the school sharing his disappointment — but his wasn’t your typical “outraged parent” letter.

    “Dear Principal,” he began. “I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter is a Year 6 student.”

    “When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017,” Callaghan continued. “But when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.”

    The letter goes on to suggest that perhaps the school is harboring secret time-travel technology or perhaps has fallen victim to a rift in the “space-time continuum,” keeping his daughter in an era where women were relegated to domestic life by default.

    “I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines,” he concluded.

    Dear Principal

    I must draw your attention to a serious incident which occurred yesterday at your school where my daughter Ruby is a Year 6 student.

    When Ruby left for school yesterday it was 2017 but when she returned home in the afternoon she was from 1968.

    I know this to be the case as Ruby informed me that the “girls” in Year 6 would be attending the school library to get their hair and make-up done on Monday afternoon while the “boys” are going to Bunnings.

    Are you able to search the school buildings for a rip in the space-time continuum? Perhaps there is a faulty Flux Capacitor hidden away in the girls toilet block.

    I look forward to this being rectified and my daughter and other girls at the school being returned to this millennium where school activities are not sharply divided along gender lines.

    Yours respectfully
    Stephen Callaghan

    When Callaghan posted the letter to Twitter, it quickly went viral and inspired hundreds of supportive responses.

    Though most people who saw his response to the school’s egregiously outdated activities applauded him, not everyone was on board.

    One commenter wrote, “Sometimes it is just ok for girls to do girl things.”

    But Callaghan was ready for that. “Never said it wasn’t,” he replied. “But you’ve missed the point. Why ‘girl things’ or ‘boy things’… Why not just ‘things anyone can do?’”

    He later commented that he didn’t think the school’s plan was malicious, but noted the incident was a powerful example of “everyday sexism” at work.

    Callaghan says the school hasn’t responded to his letter. (Yes, he really sent it.) At least, not directly to him.

    Some media outlets have reported that the school claims students are free to opt in and out of the different activities. But, as Callaghan says, gendering activities like this in the first place sends the completely wrong message.

    In response to the outpouring of support, Callaghan again took to Twitter.

    “At 12 years of age my daughter is starting to notice there are plenty of people prepared to tell her what she can and can’t do based solely on the fact she is female,” he wrote.

    “She would like this to change. So would I.”

    This article originally appeared eight years ago.

  • 13 truck drivers parked side by side in the middle of the night to save a life
    It's beautiful when humanity comes together. Photo credit: YouTube

    Around 1 a.m. on April 24 2018, semi-truck drivers in the Oak Park area of Michigan received a distress call from area police: An unidentified man was standing on the edge of a local bridge, apparently ready to jump onto the freeway below.

    Those drivers then did something amazing. They raced to the scene to help—and lined up their trucks under the bridge, providing a relatively safe landing space should the man jump.

    Fortunately, he didn’t.

    The impressive line-up wasn’t a coincidence—the drivers were prepared for exactly this sort of situation. Sgt. Jason Brockdorff of the Huntington Woods Police Department told The Detroit News that the response was something local police and truck drivers had actually trained for. But what was unusual was the sheer number of drivers who responded to the call.

    “That’s a practice we use if we have a jumper,” Brockdorff said. “We try to do it every time, to lessen the distance someone would travel if they were to jump. Fortunately, that didn’t happen.”

    The incident lasted nearly four hours, into the early morning. However, once the trucks were in place, the police were able to more comfortably negotiate with the unidentified man.

    Eventually, the man walked off the bridge on his own and received medical attention.

    In a pair of tweets, the local police department called attention to the incident to remind people in similar situations of the importance of seeking mental health services (emphasis mine):

    This photo does show the work troopers and local officers do to serve the public. But also in that photo is a man struggling with the decision to take his own life. Please remember help is available through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

    You can also call a loved one, member of the clergy or 911. There are so many people that can help you make the choice to get help and live! It is our hope to never see another photo like this again.

    Working together, the police and everyday strangers saved a life.

    Ordinary people heeded the call of service to help a fellow person who was struggling. It’s a powerful image that’s impossible to ignore, and a reminder of humanity at its best.

    This article originally appeared seven years ago.

  • Ever wonder why people 100 years ago died so much younger? It’s these 14 reasons.
    Lifespans were far shorter a century ago. Why?Photo credit: Photo by Social History Archive on Unsplash

    An English doctor named Edward Jenner took incredible risks to try to rid his world of smallpox. Because of his efforts and the efforts of scientists like him, the only thing now standing between deadly diseases like the ones below and extinction are people who refuse to vaccinate their kids.

    Unfortunately, because of the misinformation from the anti-vaccination movement, some of these diseases have trended up in a really bad way over the past several years.

    Wellness involves a lot of personal choices and the tradeoff between personal liberty and shared public good.

    Measles is the starkest example. In 2014, there were over 600 cases of measles in America during the first seven months of the year. According to the CDC, ten years later in 2024 there were 284 cases of measles nationwide. Though the numbers have improved in a decade, 89% of 2024’s cases came from people who are unvaccinated or refused to share their vaccine status.

    Anti-vaccination movements aren’t new. Controversy, fear, and anti-vaccination rhetoric has plagued immunization efforts as far back as the early 1800s. Despite research conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO) showing that vaccines and immunization research has had a positive impact on global health, the anti-vaccination movements don’t seem to be facing eradication any time soon.

    The chart below was made by graphic designer Leon Farrant and uses data from the CDC and JAMA to show that vaccines have real public health benefits. Paired with decades of improved medical care, vaccines have nearly eradicated many formerly fatal illness like Polio, Measles, Malaria, and Diphtheria. The impact of one’s personal health choices can have a significant impact on the population around them, in their communities, and even on a national level. It makes that trade-off all the more complicated and one not easily distilled into one convenient political or religious ideology.

    image illustrated vaccines facing each other
    Infographic by designer Leon Farrant based on 2012/13 data.
    <a href="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTQ4NTEzMi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc0MjUyMjA2M30.LpX4PtyDQj18b8Y394cDyUgINF1Mw7Jn9Qu2VI4o1ws/img.jpg?width=980"></a><a href="https://www.behance.net/leon_farrant">image from Leon Farrant</a>

    Obviously, the topic of vaccinations has become immensely more complicated and controversial over the years, especially since the onset of COVID-19 in 2020. But history teaches us valuable lessons and information is power. No matter how you feel about vaccines today, this chart is a reminder that medical science can be used for incredible good. Without breakthrough vaccinations in the past, many of us would likely not be here to have the debate about our personal choices now and in the future.

    This article originally appeared eleven years ago.

  • This artist brilliantly tackles the concept of ‘being offended’ in a colorful comic.
    Here’s a thought.Photo credit: All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

    Self proclaimed “feminist killjoy” Rebecca Cohen is a cartoonist based in Berkeley, California.

    Here’s what she has to say about her role as an artist taken from her Patreon page.


    She says:

    “In these trying times, the world needs a hero to resist the forces of tyranny.

    That hero is definitely not me.

    I just draw funny pictures and like to share my opinions. I’m Rebecca, also known as @gynostar.”

    Enjoy one of her comics below.

    a four panel comic
    An all too common exchange. All images by <a href="https://rebeccacohenart.tumblr.com/post/152073543260/new-comic-for-upworthy-about-why-i-avoid-calling">Rebecca Cohen</a>, used with permission.
    three panel comic
    It’s only words. All images by <a href="https://rebeccacohenart.tumblr.com/post/152073543260/new-comic-for-upworthy-about-why-i-avoid-calling">Rebecca Cohen</a>, used with permission.
    six panel comic
    Simple jokes contain implicit ideas. All images by <a href="https://rebeccacohenart.tumblr.com/post/152073543260/new-comic-for-upworthy-about-why-i-avoid-calling">Rebecca Cohen</a>, used with permission.
    five panel comic
    Discussing the impact of words. All images by <a href="https://rebeccacohenart.tumblr.com/post/152073543260/new-comic-for-upworthy-about-why-i-avoid-calling">Rebecca Cohen</a>, used with permission.

    This article originally appeared eight years ago.

  • 5 years’ worth of photos show how testosterone affected one person’s life.
    Photo of Skylar.Photo credit: Photo from YouTube video.

    Even though he was born “Katherine Elizabeth,” Skylar lived like a regular little boy for most of his childhood.

    He was happy.


    This is Skylar.

    A photo collection of a young Skylar. Photo from YouTube video.
    Little Skylar. Photo from YouTube video.

    But when puberty hit, he started feeling intense pressure to be “normal” and fit in. So he tried to present as more traditionally “feminine.”

    Puberty happens. Photo from YouTube video.

    But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was denying a huge part of himself. Late in high school, he started taking testosterone.

    Eating and feeling more comfortable. Photo from YouTube video.

    Skylar started feeling more comfortable immediately. And before he knew it, he was at his “dream school,” having the time of his life. And taking lots and lots of pictures of himself.

    A person and their dog. Photo from YouTube video.

    Access to medical care played a big part in Skylar becoming the person he is today, but that wasn’t all.

    Check out his story and walk five years in his shoes. It’s definitely a perspective we don’t see often enough:

    This article originally appeared on 08.30.14

  • This Māori group’s kapa haka performance of Bohemian Rhapsody will make your day
    ArrayPhoto credit: Array


    Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody has been covered dozens of different ways. But you’ve never seen it performed like this.

    As one of the most iconic songs in rock music, Bohemian Rhapsody is recognizable no matter how it’s done. As children, my brother and I used to belt out Galileos and Figaros in the backseat of our parents’ Volkswagon whenever the song came on (yes, just like in Wayne’s World). While other kids learned about Beelzebub in Sunday School, I learned about him from Queen’s perfect harmonies. If there were an anthem from my classic rock-filled childhood, it would be Bohemian Rhapsody.

    It’s one of those songs that is hard to cover well, though it hasn’t stopped people from trying. I’ve enjoyed some renditions, but nothing has caught my attention or delight more than this kapa haka version from New Zealand.


    A Māori choir in native garb sang the song live in the Māori language, and it is something to see.

    The group Hātea Kapa Haka performed the song on February 21 at New Zealand’s national kapa haka festival, Te Matatini, in Wellington. The festival brings 46 kapa haka (Māori performing arts) groups together to compete against one another.

    Newshub reports that Hātea Kapa Haka collaborated with musical artist William Waiirua to create a “Bohemian Rhapsody” cover in the Māori language, both as a tribute to Freddie Mercury and to celebrate the Oscar-nominated movie about his life.

    The group had previously created a music video for their cover, but seeing it performed live is something else. The voices, the harmony, the presentation—everything—is wonderful.

    This kind of cultural mashup reminds us how small our world has become.

    The contrast between Queen’s 1970s British rock and the Māori people’s traditional kapa haka could not be more striking. And yet, the melding of the two totally works. Music has the power to bring people together, and this performance is a great example of how it can bridge cultures with beautiful results.

    Watch the live performance here:

    And if you want more, check out the music video too:

    William Waiirua got more help from Hātea Kapa Haka than he bargained for when his car broke down… For more Queen, check out this playlist: https://umusicNZ…


    This article originally appeared on 03.01.19

Pop Culture

If you see a person and two dogs in this photo, look again. It’s an optical illusion.

Culture

Man walks around Brooklyn after blizzard to show off the most wonderful snow creatures

Science

Philosophy expert shares the 300-year-old rule to tell if someone is a good or bad person

Finance

Frugal people share exactly how much money they saved on their best thrifty lifestyle changes