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Science

17 photos of animals that prove there's nothing natural about traditional gender roles

These animals demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

animals, nature, gender roles, traditional
Image via Pixabay.

We have our eyes on you too.

Traditional gender roles are "natural," goes the common refrain.

Heterosexuality? That's natural too, apparently. Staying one gender your whole life? Definitely natural.

There's only one problem: Nature (and science) beg to disagree.


In reality, male and female animals set up their relationships thousands of different ways in the wild. In many species, males are the primary caretakers of the next generation while females ignore their offspring and mate promiscuously. Even the existence of "male" and "female" as distinct categories is often not so clear in certain species.

Some animals have the ability to change sex to respond to various outside pressures and conditions.

A few can even mate with themselves.

Here are 17 animals that demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."

1. Jacanas

birds, science, nature, incubation

"Mom went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back."

​Photo by Ozan Kill

Ask any tropical bird out there, and they'll tell you that male jacanas are pretty much the best dads of the bunch. Not only do male jacanas stick around the nest to incubate the eggs and raise their offspring, they even carry them under-wing when they fly.

Meanwhile, female jacanas are ... not exactly super nurturing. After gathering up a harem of nearly half a dozen males and laying her eggs, the female jacana splits in order to fly around, murder the young of rival females, and mate with their former partners.

This is considered charming.

2. Clown fish

species, environment, reefs, fish

Clown fish were invented by Disney/Pixar in 2003.

Photo by Rachel Hisko on Unsplash

Like many species of reef fish, clown fish can, and frequently do, change sex. Unlike most species of reef fish however, all clown fish are born male and are led (in familial groups) by a dominant female.

When she dies, the next-biggest male simply ... becomes female and takes charge of the group.

What you just heard was the sound of a billion other species slapping themselves on the forehead at the same time, wondering why they didn't think of that, realizing it's now too late and that now they'd just be, like, hopping on the trend.

3. African buffalo

leadership, hierarchies, grazing, grasslands

Everyone is getting out there for an afternoon stroll.

Photo by Soerfm/Wikimedia Commons.

Not only are female buffalos are responsible for coordinating the movements of the entire herd — they do it democratically. When it's time to find a new grazing spot, each female takes a turn standing up and gazing in the direction they want to travel, and when they're done, the whole group moves that way.

While status hierarchies exist within herds, the elections are equitable — one cow, one vote.

Change You Can Moo-Lieve in. Make the Grasslands Great Again.

4. Bees

matriarchy, male drones, hive, honey

"Aaaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh!" — Nicholas Cage.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Bees famously take the matriarchy to the extreme. A single queen bee oversees thousands of smaller female workers and male drones.

While most bees live, at most, a few weeks, the queen typically survives several years before the hive goes looking for a new queen to start the cycle over again. All to advance the species-wide goal of refusing to fly out of your car even though all four windows are down.

5. Komodo dragons

komodo dragon, eggs, offspring, evolution

Party out with your tongue out... alone even.

Photo by Mark Dumont/Wikimedia Commons.

Female komodo dragons can lay viable eggs that produce offspring without a male partner, which pretty much explains why komodo dragon Tinder never truly caught on.

6. Praying mantises

copulation, life cycle, insects, hunters

Not as romantic as it looks.

Photo by Oliver Koemmerling/Wikimedia Commons.

Mantis males are often smaller than mantis females, a discrepancy that leaves many males feeling insecure, as it enables females to frequently — though not always — eat their heads during sex.

7. Common reed frogs

amphibians, forrest, frogs, reproduction

So many choices for the day ahead.

Photo by ChriKo/Wikimedia Commons.

These tiny, resilient amphibians can change sex from female to male, allowing them to successfully reproduce if they suddenly find themselves surrounded by frogs of the same sex.

This ability makes them one of the most successful species on Earth at inspiring anxious Sam Neil monologues.

8. South American marmosets

monkeys, jungle, troops, community

"Hey, pa? You ... you wanna ... play catch?"

Photo by Maxim Bilovitskiy/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Creative_Commons.

Female marmosets tend not to be terribly interested in their babies. A few weeks after giving birth, they're mostly out of their kids' lives forever.

Marmoset dads, on the other hand, are excellent caretakers, feeding, grooming, and transporting their young as well as coaching Marmoset Little League and always batting their kid cleanup.

9. Spotted hyenas

aggression, dominance, African plains, arid climates

Someone has to lead this party.

Photo via Pixabay.

Not only are female hyenas stronger and more aggressive than males, male and female hyena genitals are nearly identical in appearance. They're so similar that it's extremely difficult to tell the difference with the naked eye, which ultimately doomed the '70s game show "What Sex is That Hyena?" to cancellation after just half a season.

10. Seahorses

eggs, mating process, sea life, oceans

"OK, so. I need a really big favor."

Photo by Mikhail Preobrazhenskiy on Unsplash

While males of numerous species nurture their offspring, the male seahorse takes things several steps further. During the mating process, he receives eggs from the female and not only fertilizes them, but carries the offspring until they hatch.

A recent poll of male seahorses found that an overwhelming majority experience a secret surge of satisfaction when their partners get kidney stones.

11. Cuttlefish

coloration, species rivalries, genetics, fish

Blumph.

Photo by Michal B. on Unsplash

Unlike middle school boys across America, male cuttlefish don't have a lot of hang-ups about appearing feminine to their peers. Masters of camouflage, these future delicious fried antipasto will often alter their coloration in order to pass for female around rival males.

If an actual female is around, they'll leave the other half of their body as is, appearing half male and half female.

12. Topi antelopes

Africa, herd animals, promiscuity, food

Oh hey.

Photo by Whit Welles/Wikimedia Commons.

Female topi antelopes are not only sexually promiscuous, but when it's time to mate, they almost always make the first move. In some cases, female topis pester male antelopes for sex so relentlessly that the male has to physically fight them off. (Cue dozens of Facebook commenters yelling at male antelopes for complaining about something that's "obviously awesome" and insisting they're lucky and should "just be grateful for the attention.")

13. Laysan albatrosses

birds, mating, wildlife

"Al." "Al."

Photo by Patte David/U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service/Public Domain Images.

Some female albatrosses mate in female-female pairs, often for life.

(Side note: All male albatrosses are named Al Batross. Every single one of them. That's a proven fact).

14. Banana slugs

slugs, sex organs, horror

"When I think about you..."

Image via Pixabay.

A hermaphroditic species, banana slugs have both male and female sex organs and occasionally mate with themselves.

Though banana slugs do seem to prefer mating with other slugs, doing so typically ends with one slug chewing the other's penis off, because nature is a cavalcade of endless, random horror.

15. Orcas

whales, pods, matriarchal, peers

"You have to hit the home button twice, grandma."

Photo by Mike Doherty on Unsplash

Killer whales live in matriarchal pods, and female whales are more likely to take charge of the group than their male peers.

The oldest female whales are often the go-to source for information about where to find food, and in exchange for keeping the whole family alive, the younger whales patiently show them time and again how to use the iPad.

16. Emperor penguins

documentaries, Antartica, frozen tundra, trekking

"Where is that voice coming from?"

Photo via Pixabay.

Anyone who's seen "March of the Penguins" knows that male emperor penguins guard their eggs tightly, perilously balancing them on their feet while their female companions go off to do traditional woman stuff like trekking across the Antarctic tundra, diving for food in the freezing cold ocean, and pleading with Morgan Freeman to shut the hell up so they can focus on not being eaten by seals for like five goddamn seconds.

17. Bonobos

genetics, sex, apes, animal kingdom

"Mmmmmm. Yeah. Mmmmm. All right. Yeah." — Bonobos, all the time.

Photo by Sean Foster on Unsplash

The female-led bonobos have invented perhaps the most ingenious way of preventing intra-species violence in the entire animal kingdom. Basically, everyone just has sex with everyone else — males with females, females with females, males with males, in pretty much every kind of way imaginable.

The near-constant hetero-homo-orgiastic delight that results pretty much prevents anyone from being mad at anyone ever and unites the species around the common goal of being the best apes ever invented.

We share about 99% of our DNA with bonobos.

Pop Culture

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five ways people across the internet are giving it their all.

True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture a color-coordinated, fairy-themed surprise proposal that took months to create, or maybe you think of a singer who went on stage and nailed the perfect high note in front of everyone (like this girl). Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.

This week, we've found a handful of hilarious and heart-warming videos that perfectly capture what it's like to go "all in"—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage and something truly special happens as a result. Here are five of our favorite examples.


1. This "Sports Car" singalong

@_julianabba Replying to @courtney_azbell I’m okay @tate mcrae @t8 hq #tate #tatemcrae #tatemcraetour #sportscar #soclosetowhat #misspossesive #misspossesivetour #tatemcrae1 ♬ original sound - jules

The viral song “Sports Car” by Tate McRae has become an absolute viral hit, and it’s not hard to see why. Not only is the song super catchy, but her performance is show-stopping (you might even say she and her backup dancers go all in). Everyone is singing and dancing along—although this content creator’s rendition of the song might be the most passionate one. He gets a little too caught up, as you’ll see at the end of this video—and, well, his reenactment becomes "show stopping" in a different way. (Don't worry, though, he's totally fine.)

2. A little bit of everything, according to Reddit (but especially personal growth) 

This week, the team at All In asked Reddit users what they go “all in” on in their own lives, and the responses were entertaining and inspiring (and sometimes both). One commenter shared that they go all in on blue cheese dressing when they’re eating buffalo wings (respect), while another shared that they go all in on saving up their retirement (we love to see people reaching for big goals). Turns out you can go “all in” on everything from maintaining a healthy marriage to putting salt on your cucumbers. Our favorite responses, though, were people who went in on personal growth and learning. Click here to see what they had to say (and click here to snag a box of All In bars—for free!).

3. Pursuing a life-long dream 

@kynder.jpg that's my mom! 💙⛸️ #iceskating #followyourdreams #figureskating #lifeover50 ♬ No One - Aly & AJ

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking you’re “too old” to follow your dreams, watch this video, because this midlife mom will prove you wrong. This video shows a woman skating in her first figure skating competition—and she’s about to turn 50. The daughter, who filmed and posted the video to TikTok, says that ice skating has always been her mother’s lifelong dream, and recently she just decided to go for it. The costume, the composition, and the passion are all first-rate, but the best part is that the commenters are going crazy for her, too. One of them wrote, “As a former competitive figure skater, nothing makes me tear up like videos of people getting into skating later in life. The ice was my first love, it was home. Welcome home.”

4. These infectious dance moves

@itz_sokizzy

♬ Some Nights - Fun.

Okay, so unlike the figure skating mom, there’s nothing technically impressive about this woman dancing—as in, she’s not a professional dancer. She doesn’t use choreography or sparkly costumes—but what’s great about these videos is that her passion and enthusiasm just can’t be denied. It’s just her in her bonnet, dancing along to upbeat classics like “Some Nights,” by Fun, and somehow you can’t help but be completely mesmerized—and maybe start dancing along yourself. We watched a bunch of her videos—there are tons, and they’re all equally enthusiastic—and we couldn’t help but laugh and groove right along with her. That’s what’s great about going “all in”—it inspires other people, too.

Song re-enactments...with a surprising guest star 

@animallover.zx123 if you're done with your ex move on#just move on#ex #move on with your life #fyp #fyp #fyp #fyp ♬ Gladdest Done with your ex - GLAD FAMILY

People can sometimes be “extra” when it comes to their pets (like dressing up their dog as a cowboy or a mailman for Halloween). But there’s being “extra” with your pet, and then there’s going “all in,” which this TikTok creator undoubtedly does. King Guinea Adventures (@animallover.zx123) has built a platform on staging re-enactments of popular songs, but with a twist: the star of the show is a guinea pig. These hilarious videos show the guinea pig acting out the lyrics of popular songs such as “Video Games” by Lana Del Ray and “Whiskey Lullaby” by Braid Paisley and Alison Kraus. The literalism of these videos is what makes them actually hilarious, and it shows how much thought the creator put into making them (In “Video Games,” for example, when Lana sings “Swinging in the backyard / pull up in your fast car,” you see a literal toy car appear in the swing next to him. When she gets to the lyric “video games,” you see a Nintendo Switch pop up.) It’s creative, it’s funny, it’s fun—and best of all, this creator takes their love of pop culture (and the love of her pet guinea pig) and truly goes “all in.”

Snag a free (!!) box of All In snack bars here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a box at Sprouts and text a pic of your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.


One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

Disability

Real people who are blind bust 10 major myths about their love lives

Relationships between blind and sighted people are not as uncommon as you'd think.

Canva Photos

People who are blind and visually impaired want sighted people to know a few things about dating them.

True
Perkins School for the Blind

There are few greater thrills than meeting someone amazing for the first time. So much happens in those first few moments.

Maybe it's their eyes and the way they sparkle in the light. Maybe it's their smile and how it makes the corners of their eyes crinkle in just the right way. Maybe. All you know is that with just one look, something is a little bit different. Just as Ed Sheeran says, everything has changed.


For people who see, so much of what is felt in those first few moments comes from the way a person looks. But what if we couldn't see them? Would we still feel the same way about them after a first meeting?

It's a real question and one that people who are blind or have low vision get asked a lot. To get a better understanding, we asked a few individuals what they wish sighted people knew about dating them.

1. They may not be able to see you, but first impressions still matter.


blind, visually impaired, sighted, love, dating, relationships, disabilities man in gray suit jacket sitting on black chair beside brown and white dog Photo by Chewy on Unsplash

"The concept of a first impression in a meeting for us is not quite similar to [what] you are familiar with," says Florian Beijers, a 24-year-old computer science student from the Netherlands. "You can see the style of their clothes, the way they look ... [but] we don’t get these details. There is, of course, someone’s smell, someone’s voice, but they don’t always tell the same story as what you would be seeing ... it takes us a bit longer to actually form an opinion on someone."

Still, if you didn’t make an effort to dress up for the date, if you are uncomfortable, or even if you're uninterested in the date, it is going to show.

"I don’t have to see their facial reactions to tell if they want to get out of there, if they are bored," says Tanja Milojevic, 27, who works in the library at Perkins School for the Blind. "I am also interested in how they look to a point ... [so] when I meet somebody, I give them a hug. The hug shows me what they look like in a sense, and that helps form my impression of them," she adds.

2. Scent is important.

There's a lot of unseen stuff that folks notice that shapes their attraction to someone new. Smells — the ones we cultivate or the ones we don't even realize we have — are a big part of that.

"Body odor is a big one," says Milojevic. "If they smell like sweat and beer and they didn’t brush their teeth — I am not going to be interested."

3. Sound is too.

Like scent, the sound of a potential partner can go a long way to affecting how attracted a person will be to them. It's more than the timbre of a voice; it's everything from the sound of their breathing to their chewing to what their shoes sound like when they walk. Word choices and volume are key, too.

"Their voice is important to me," Milojevic says. "I pay attention to their conversation skills, but also what their voice sounds like."

She continues, noting, "You can definitely tell when you meet somebody whether they put a lot of emotion and emphasis into their voice. I personally like that because I can learn a lot about them as a person [and] I know how they are reacting ... if they put a lot more passion into their voice, it’s easier to read them."

4. Spontaneity is fun, but dating is often easier for blind people when they can plan ahead.


Until Elon Musk and Google replace all cars with perfectly self-driving ones, getting around wide distances will continue to be a bit of a challenge for blind and low vision folks. Many people, blind and sighted, rely on public transportation and the schedules that come with it. Having the time to plan travel in advance is important.

5. Don't write off activities like going to movies or the theater. There are apps and tools for that.

blind, visually impaired, sighted, love, dating, relationships, disabilities person watching movie Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash

Going to the movies or a play are time-honored dating activities. Those don't have to be off-limits because you're dating someone with a visual impairment. Lots of movie theaters are equipped with audio descriptions so that moviegoers can fill in the gaps for scenes without dialogue or narration.

And if you aren’t sure if it’s something a blind or low-vision friend would enjoy — just ask. "Better to not assume, better just to ask," Milojevic says.

6. Open communication is key to any relationship — and asking questions is OK.

Every relationship will eventually fall apart if the people in it don't trust each other enough to talk honestly. So talking and asking questions on a date is one of the best ways to get over any awkwardness.

"If you are unsure about something, just ask — we don’t bite," Beijers says. "People start walking on eggshells when they are around someone with a disability; that is something that you shouldn’t do."

"Asking questions is actually a wonderful way to get conversations going and putting yourself at ease," notes Milojevic. "We don’t get offended easily, for the most part, and sometimes just asking 'Is there something that I should avoid bringing up that might offend you' is helpful and will put them at ease because usually [we] will say no."

Beijers adds, "When you start a relationship with someone that can see and you cannot yourself, at some point, these things are going to come to light anyway, so you might as well start out knowing what you are comfortable talking about, what you feel comfortable discussing, and what you don’t feel comfortable talking about — this is going to help you grow closer."

Beijers has been with his girlfriend, who is sighted, for more than two years. They met at a friend’s party, and he said they grew close because they had open communication from the beginning. "[If] both parties try not to be awkward with each other, I think you come a lot further and have this chemistry that will grow a lot faster," he says.

7. Don't diminish the relationship between a blind person and their guide dog.


blind, visually impaired, sighted, love, dating, relationships, disabilities man in black jacket and blue denim jeans walking with white and black short coated dog Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash

For a relationship between a person and their service animal to work, they both need to trust each other implicitly. Potential partners need to be comfortable with always having a third (four-legged) wheel around and not distracting the service animal from their important daily duties.

"If they don’t like dogs or they are allergic, I don’t pursue it because it is not going to work out," says Milojevic.

8. They don't need a savior or a servant.

Having a partner who is helpful can be wonderful but not when it comes at the expense of being self-reliant.

In an interview with Tab's View, blind dater Abby described her experiences with an ex-boyfriend who used her condition as an excuse to do everything for her.

"I would ask him to not pick me up somewhere, because I have a guide dog; I wanted to walk on the pretty days," she said. "He would pick me up anyway, and it just drove me crazy after a while, I would tell him, 'Hey! You can just meet me at home,' or something like that. He sometimes would be okay with it, but it got to a point where he would use my visual impairment to his advantage."

Milojevic also had a particularly bad — and creepy — date with a man who enjoying "helping" just a little too much.

"The person was very interested in the whole process of helping me out, even if I didn’t really need the help, and they liked the fact that traveling around an unfamiliar area, I was depending on them," she recalls. "It was more like they liked having the whole 'dependent/co-dependent thing' going on at that moment, and I don’t know. I didn’t like that. It kind of freaked me out."

"I am capable of doing things myself," she explains. "I don’t want the person to feel like they have to do everything. If I am in a relationship, I want to feel like I’m equal."

9. Blind people date using a lot of the same tools and apps you do — though nothing beats meeting in person.

There are a few specialized dating apps and websites for people who are blind or have low vision, but most don’t offer the same wide pool of potential dates. As a result, more and more people use the same dating websites and apps that everyone uses — or at least the ones that are accessible to screen-readers.

Milojevic says she used to have an online dating profile but that it isn’t her favorite way to meet people. "I had a few experiences on there where it just didn’t go anywhere," she says.

Also, not all parts of dating websites were accessible. "There was a lot on there, a lot of advertisements. And it would freeze up my page, so I got frustrated with it." She prefers meeting people at events or on websites like Meetup, where she can get to know someone face-to-face.

10. Relationships matter because we're people and we matter.

It's a fact: Not everyone one in the world will seem attractive to everyone else. But all of us, regardless of who we are and what we like, deserve the chance to find love and happiness. Whether you are sighted, blind, or in between, remembering our basic shared humanity is essential.

This post was originally published in 2016. It has been updated.

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.


conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levity A group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafe A man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive people A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

This article originally appeared in May.

People are right to complain about being charged a cleaning fee and being asked to do chores.

Nine years ago, way back in 2016, my husband and I started renting out the basement apartment of our house as a short-term rental on Airbnb. We live in a college town and figured we'd get some guests during football game weekends and graduations. We didn't realize at the time how many people come to our town to visit their college kids or check out the school, so we were pleasantly surprised by how regularly we were booked.

In 2019, we moved into the house next door and now rent out both floors of the old house as separate units. We love being Airbnb hosts and have had a very successful run of it, with almost 1,000 5-star reviews, Superhost status, and lots of repeat guests.


airbnb, vrbo, short term rental, checkout chores, cleaning fees, airbnb host Being regular guests haas helped make us good Airbnb hosts.Photo credit: Canva

Part of the secret of our success? We don't charge a cleaning fee or make guests do check-out chores.

In fact, we find both things rather loathsome.

What makes us good hosts is that we've been Airbnb guests for years. As a family of five that travels a lot, we've found far more value in short-term rentals than in hotels over the years. We love having a kitchen, living room, and bedrooms and feeling like we have a "home" while traveling. We even spent a nomadic year staying at short-term rentals for a month at a time.

When you've experienced dozens of Airbnbs as a guest, you learn what guests appreciate and what they don't. You see what's annoying and unnecessary and what's to be expected in comparison to a hotel. We started taking mental notes long before we started our own rental about what we would want to do and not do if we ever had one and have implemented those things now that we do.

Chasing Tom And Jerry GIF by MaxGiphy

As guests, we know the pain of the cleaning fee, so we don't charge one.

It helps that my husband has a flexible schedule and grew up helping with his parents' janitorial service, so most of the time he cleans the apartments himself. We could charge a cleaning fee for his time and labor, but even if we were paying for outside cleaners, we still wouldn't put a separate fee onto guest bookings. It makes far more sense to us to just wrap the cleaning fee into the price.

From a host's perspective, the one-night stay is where the cleaning fee question hits the hardest. Whether someone stays one night or 10 nights, the cleaning cost is the same. But spreading the cost over 10 nights is a very different beast than adding it to one night, especially from a guest's perspective. On the host side, if we had to pay cleaners without passing that fee onto guests, we've barely make anything on one-night stays. But on the guest side, a $100 a night stay suddenly jumping to $150 or more because a cleaning fee was added is painful, and often a dealbreaker. You can see the conundrum.

The way we see it, and as other Airbnb hosts have found, wrapping cleaning costs into the base price comes out in the wash over time, as long as you have some longer-term stays mixed in with the one-nighters. And it's a much better experience for the guest not to get hit with sticker shock on the "final cost" screen, which is already eye-popping when the platform's service fees and local taxes are added on.

(I will say, this may only ring true for smaller units. If you're renting a huge home, cleaning costs are going to be higher just because it takes longer to clean. But I still don't think the full cost should be passed onto guests as a separate fee.)

airbnb, vrbo, short term rental, checkout chores, cleaning fee Asking guests to stip the sheets saves almost no time and costs a lot in goodwill.Photo credit: Canva

There's no reason at all to ask guests to do check-out chores

As for check-out chores—asking guests to do things like start laundry, sweep the floor, take out the trash, etc.—those have never made sense to us. Hosts should have enough switch-out linens that laundry doesn't have to be started prior to checking out, and none of those chores save enough time for the cleaning people to make it worth asking guests to do it. I can see taking out trash if there wasn't going to be another guest for a while, but usually you'd want to clean right away after a stay anyway just in case it does get booked last minute.

The only thing we ask guests to do is to start the dishwasher if they have dirty dishes (as a guest, that seems like a logical and reasonable request), lock the door, and have a safe trip home. Don't need to pull the sheets. Don't need to take out any garbage or recycling. Those things don't take that long, but that's just as much a reason not to ask guests to do it. Annoying your guests by asking them to do something extra—especially if they're already paying a cleaning fee—isn't worth the tiny bit of time it might save the cleaning people.

airbnb, vrbo, short term rental, checkout chores, cleaning fee Most guests are try to leave the place as they found it, standard cleaning routine aside. Photo credit: Canva

This approach works very well, because 95% of guests leave the space neat and tidy anyway.

In almost 10 years, I can count on one hand how many problems we've had with guests leaving a significant mess. That's been a pleasant surprise, but I think part of the reason is that guests are simply reciprocating the respect and consideration we show them by not making them pay extra fees or do chores on their way out. We're going to have to clean it anyway, so putting work on them is unnecessarily burdensome, even if it's something that doesn't take long. People recognize that.

To be fair, it probably helps that we aren't some big real estate tycoon buying up a bunch of apartments and turning them into short-term rentals run by impersonal management companies. People's complaints about how short-term rentals impact local housing economies are legitimate. Our situation is more aligned with the original "sharing economy" model, renting out our home to guests who come through town. And in a small college town with a large university, there often aren't enough hotel rooms during busy weekends anyway, so it's been a bit of a win-win all around.

I think us being in close proximity, having personal communication with our guests (but also leaving them their privacy), and not charging or asking anything extra of them makes them want to be respectful guests. From our perspective, both as guests and hosts, cleaning fees and check-out chores simply aren't worth their cost.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Brilliantly simple website gives users a small taste of what it's like to read with dyslexia

Try reading this text and your empathy for folks with dyslexia will grow by leaps and bounds.

Canva Photos

Website lets users experience what it's like reading text when you have dyslexia.

If you stumbled upon Victor Widell's website, you might think your computer was experiencing some technical difficulties. But you'd be wrong.

The letters within each word on the site are scrambled and moving around erratically, and although you might be able to read each sentence if you slow down and focus, it's no walk in the park.


Widell designed it that way on purpose. It's a glimpse into what someone who has dyslexia might have to deal with every day.


dyslexia, reading, books, fonts, disabilities, developmental reading disorders, accessibility Dyslexia is underdiagnosed and very misunderstood. Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

"A friend who has dyslexia described to me how she experiences reading," Widell writes on his site which has spread far and wide across the Internet. "She can read, but it takes a lot of concentration, and the letters seem to 'jump around.'"

Seeing letters "jump around" is a common experience among (the very large number of) people who have dyslexia.

The condition — which you might also hear referred to as developmental reading disorder (DRD) — isn't a defect in a person's ability to think or focus, nor is it at all reflective of someone's intelligence (an unfortunate misconception).

Dyslexia occurs when there's a problem in the area of the brain that interprets language, as the National Library of Medicine points out. And it may affect more people than many of us realize.

Dyslexia is still underdiagnosed and kids in communities of color are disproportionately affected.

About 20% of the total population is affected by dyslexia according to The Yale Center for Dyslexia and Creativity, yet many remain undiagnosed and secretly battle this "hidden disability" without proper help.

"While there are numerous curricula and programs designed to increase literacy, dyslexia is often overlooked when searching for causes of illiteracy," the center explains, noting black and Latino students are more likely to go undiagnosed, seeing as the disorder flies even more under the radar in urban schools.

Given that about 1 in 5 of people live with dyslexia, it's no wonder Widell's website is striking a chord with plenty of people online.

His work to help nondyslexic people empathize with those who have DRD isn't the first empathetic take on dyslexia to go viral though.

Back in 2014, Dutch designer Christian Boer created a dyslexic-friendly font for folks like himself.

The font, called Dyslexie, not only helps people with dyslexia, it also helps those who don't live with it to better understand how similar-looking letters within a standardized alphabet can be a big bottleneck to those who do.

dyslexia, reading, books, fonts, disabilities, developmental reading disorders, accessibility At first glance, Dyslexie doesn't look all that different from a regular font.By studiostudio graphic design - Fair Use

The letters in Dyslexie may look like any other letters, but they have key characteristics, like exaggerated stick and tail lengths (on letters like "j" or "b") and heavy base lines. These subtle but important factors help to differentiate letters that may seem similar in appearance to someone who has dyslexia.

Take the letters "h" and "n," for example. They sort of look a bit alike, right? Dyslexie's "h" has a longer ascender and its "n" has a shorter one.

"When they're reading, people with dyslexia often unconsciously switch, rotate, and mirror letters in their minds," Boer told Dezeen magazine in 2014. "Traditional typefaces make this worse because they base some letter designs on others, inadvertently creating 'twin letters' for people with dyslexia."

In the same vein as Dyslexie, Widell's site aims to help those without the condition know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes.

Widell's website, of course, doesn't give someone the authority to know what dyslexia is like if they don't have the disorder themselves.


dyslexia, reading, books, fonts, disabilities, developmental reading disorders, accessibility Dyslexia is different for everyone. Photo by Matias North on Unsplash

As The Independent noted, people who have dyslexia experience it differently and through various symptoms. Widell's site can't possibly simulate the one and only experience of someone who has dyslexia because there isn't a one and only experience.

Still, the outlet notes, it's "a great way to give people a taste of the difficulties faced."

"Nothing will ever show [people who don't have dyslexia] exactly how it truly feels to read while dyslexic," one Redditor who claims to have the disorder pointed out about Widell's site. "But this is damn close."

To learn more about how Dyslexie works, check out the video below:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article was originally published in 2016. It has been updated.