National Coming Out Day is a special kind of happy.
It's a celebration of walking in your own personal truth and deciding to be who you are without shame or fear. Don't get me wrong, the uncertainty is daunting, scary even. But coming out means jumping in and doing it anyway. And it feels good. Really good. Like your first deep breath after being underwater. It's a sweet relief.
Did I mention that it's a special kind of happy? Kevin Lloyd kissing his boyfriend in the 2015 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. Photo by Max Whittaker/Getty Images.
To celebrate, many folks from the LGBTQ community are sharing their coming out stories and offering advice and encouragement to others waiting to take the leap.
Here are 11 stories that remind us all why coming out is an important act of bravery.
1. Coming out isn't easy, so María Isabel got some ink to remember what's important.
2. Braxton hasn't come out to his family as a trans man yet, so he leans on his friends for support.
3. Lorena is a bisexual woman engaged to the love of her life. "I've never been happier," she says.
A photo posted by Lorena Zeppilli (@_sunny_daze) on
4. Thedarkerbrother quoted the late, great Nina Simone in his message. "I'll tell you what freedom to me is: no fear."
A photo posted by CW (@thedarkerbrother) on
5. Visibility and coming out can be especially important for the people in the LGBTQ community who we don't hear as much about, like bisexuals, asexuals, or pansexuals.
A photo posted by Angelica (@hells_lost_angel) on
6. Loving yourself as you are is a major key. Just ask Carly.
Thank you for helping me learn to love myself for exactly who I am ❤💛💚💙💜#nationalcomingoutday #proud
A photo posted by carlygersten (@carlygersten) on
7. This is Cody. Cody is gay. And when people feel invisible or unloved for who they are, a message as simple as that may change a life.
I'm Cody. And I'm gay. #NationalComingOutDay
A photo posted by @thebeardedfruit on
8. Cassidy's coming out was pretty smooth, but she knows that's not always the case. That's why she's standing with her community today.
9. "Dream big," said Jerrod. Adding, "Each of us has a story, an insight, and a gift to share with the world. Let yours be known."
10. Coming out has opened a world of new perspectives and adventure for Jesse, who's happy to live openly.
11. If you're not ready or able to come out, that's OK. Just take it from fitness phenom Shaun T.
Everyone has their own journey. And for your own well-being, personal safety, or economic welfare, it may not be the best time for you to come out right now. But know that we see you and we recognize your struggle. You are not alone. That's what National Coming Out Day is all about.
And if you are ready: Come out, come out, wherever you are. Whenever you're ready. Whenever you're able.
Celebrate with pride, courage, and enthusiasm. Because love is love is love. And it's pretty, freakin' awesome.
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.