Welcome to Willow's Diner, where you order a cookie and get broccoli with a side of sass.
Two-year-olds are the best. Hands down. People like to complain about the "terrible twos," and yes, there are challenges that arise as a child starts to recognize that they have free will. But there is nothing cuter than a conversation with a tiny human who's only been on this planet for a couple of years. The way toddlers think, the way they speak—it's just nonstop hilarity.
And when we you get a particularly funny 2-year-old? Seriously, the best improv on Earth.
That's why one mom's TikToks of her daughter Willow serving patrons at her little outdoor diner are bringing entertainment to millions.
Willow's "patrons" are primarily her mom Sarah and her three siblings. Her outdoor "diner" is her toy kitchen on the porch with fake food. And the service is … well, you just have to see it.
Willow calls her patrons "ma'am," no matter what their gender, which is adorable. And her facial expressions. Oh my gosh. She's like a semi-grumpy, middle-aged diner lady who's seen it all and has no patience for your foolishness.
Just watch what happens when this "ma'am" tries to order the cookie she's eating:
I got put on a strict diet due to my audacity. #willowpenelope #willowsdiner #cute #funnytoddler
"That's mines. I have broccoli. There you go, ma'am," all while continuing to eat the cookie. Totally savage.
Check out how she serves—or doesn't—her brother, Jack:
Today at Willow’s Diner: The bonds of family are tested. #willowpenelope #willowsdiner #jackattack
"I don't know what her rules are!" was the best line. Nobody knows what a 2-year-old's rules are. Not even the 2-year-old herself. And Willow's "Can you be the ma'am?" after Jack gave up trying to get his food? Classic.
(Arbitrarily being denied service at Willow's Diner is not unusual, by the way. There's even clever merch that says "I didn't get served at Willow's Diner.")
Does Willow serve rocks at her diner? Sure, why not? As long as she keeps making those faces, she can serve anything she pleases.
That time she successfully upsold me on a rock… #willowsdiner #willowpenelope
Just don't mess with her tea-making process. Like, at all.
Willow’s diner. Now serving chocolate milk tea! #willowpenelope
And definitely don't try to serve her some tea.
Replying to @suppgorjess She tolerates me being the waitress for approximately 2 seconds and no more.
It's the unbroken eye contact, right? You can't train this kind of comedy into a kid.
The thing about 2-year-olds is they're only that age for a short spell. The tyrannical threes and the fascist fours, with all of their complex adorableness, are coming fast, so it's wise of this mom to frequent Willow's Diner—and document the experience—while 2-year-old Willow is still in business.