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Formerly 'awkward' person shares the 5 tricks he learned to become 'engaging' in 30 days

"I decided to treat every convo like an experiment, collect data on what actually makes people light up."

A man and woman having a good conversation.

Do you get nervous in social situations because you’re not quite sure what to say? Do you dread exchanging hellos and then having an uncomfortable silence follow? Are you impressed by people who walk through social situations with confidence, who never seem to be at a loss for words, and whose company everyone seems to enjoy?

The good news is that if you are someone who feels socially awkward, you can overcome your discomfort by learning some basic communication tips that'll drastically improve your conversations. All it takes is studying the habits social butterflies use to be engaging conversationalists.

conversation, party, drinks, social situation, attention, listening Some friends talking at a party.via Canva/Photos

A Reddit user named Turbulent-Photo, who was admittedly awkward, began using some new conversational techniques, and in only 30 days, they went from being “awkward” to engaging. They shared the new skills they learned in a post on the Social Skills subforum. “I used to panic when someone asked a simple question like 'how's your day?' I’d give a one-word answer, then dip out. Then I decided to treat every convo like an experiment, collect data on what actually makes ppl light up,” they wrote before sharing five conversation hacks that helped them become a better conversationalist.

Note: The conversation tips have been edited for grammar and clarity.

Five conversation hacks to help you go from awkward to engaging

1. Active listening: “Instead of planning my next line, I just focused on their words, body language, tone, and it worked, mirroring their posture or repeating a key phrase (‘you said u love hiking?’), making them feel heard, and they open up.”

This trick is backed by science. Research shows that if you ask someone a question and two follow-up questions, it dramatically increases how likable you are. “We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors wrote. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

conversation, party, drinks, social situation, attention, listening A man and a woman chatting at a party.via Canva/Photos

2. Asking open-ended questions: Ditch ‘Did u have a good weekend?’ Try 'What was the highlight of your weekend?’ Suddenly they share stories, not just yes/no crap, and you got real convo material to build on.”

3. Storytelling: “Once I shared a 10-second tale bout freezing at the coffee shop, then joking with the barista, and people actually laughed. Vulnerability + humor = instant connection feels real.”

4. Body language: “I used to cross arms, look at the floor, classic ‘go away’ vibes. Then I uncrossed my arms, leaned in, kept my chest open, and people mirrored me back. Conversations flow even before I talk.”

Research shows that when someone likes you, they mirror your body language and movements. For example, if you’re seated, and the person likes you, they will mirror your seated posture. If you change your posture and then they adapt, it could be a big clue that someone likes you.

5. Affirmations: “‘That's a great point’ or ‘I hadn't thought of it that way’ cost nothing but boosts rapport big time.”

The interesting part about the five rules the Redditor shared is that most of them don’t involve you being the center of attention or having to wow the room with your amazing stories and anecdotes. It’s just about being a good listener, standing with intentional body language, and asking the right questions. Then, when you do take a moment to speak up, you’ll have an attentive conversation partner hanging on every word. Because you made them feel so comfortable and heard, they're happy to extend you the same courtesy.

Joy

10 things that made us smile this week

Upworthy's weekly roundup of joy.

This week's list of delights includes some award-worthy performances.

What do you get when you combine a beautiful gentle parenting interaction, a whole school singing along with a 7-year-old performing "Peaches" in a Bowser costume and a flying squirrel pretending to be attacked by a broom?

You get this week's 10 things that made us smile, of course.

We hope you get as much joy and delight from these fabulous finds as we did. Enjoy!


1. 7-year-old performs 'Peaches' from 'The Super Mario Bros. Movie' and the crowd went wild

The song was originally performed by Jack Black, and it shot up the charts. Love how the kid played off the audience's enthusiasm.

2. Mom shares her autistic son's joy at attending a 'sensory friendly' showing of "The Little Mermaid"

Sometimes inclusivity means welcoming everyone into a space and sometimes it means creating spaces where everyone can feel welcome. Find out more about sensory-friendly film showings from major theater chains here.

3. Story of a troubled kid transformed by kindness and art holds important lessons for us all

Swipe through to read the whole story. A good reminder that hurt people hurt people, and that sometimes "bad" kids need people to see the good in them and to help them see it themselves.

4. Man reunites with firefighter who saved his life when he was 2 years old and introduces him to his own 2-year-old son

A beautiful full-circle moment. Read the full story here.

5. Flying squirrel repeatedly fakes its own death by broom handle

Not a headline you see every day, but that's the only way to describe it. Absolutely an Oscar-worthy performance. Read the full story here.

6. Someone captured a dad creating a core childhood memory for his daughter at a concert

Here's to the dedicated dads who delight in dancing with their daughters.

7. This owl's legs. That is all.

Owls look so dignified and regal until you see the silly pantalooned legs they're hiding under their feathers.

8. Woman has the best response to people telling her she was too old for outfits she was trying on

@jessicabuwick

Thank you for coming #graudation #graduationdresses #formaldresses

Jessica Buwick's initial video was a comical showing of outfits that didn't work either because they were too short or tight or the style was too confusing to wear, and some people decided to be critical of her choices…of the things she didn't wear. Both videos are hilarious. See the full story here.

9. Mom shares a beautiful example of 'connection then correction' with her 4-year-old who was acting out

Gentle, conscious parenting for the win.

10. Kitten-on-a-guitar needs to be a whole new musical genre

@xiagopluscami

Practicando con thiaguin. #thiago #xiagopluscami #gatitobebe #algocontigo #cover #acustico #algocontigoritapayes #guitarra #naranjito #

I don't know about you, but I would pay good money to see this concert.

That's it for this week! If you don't want to go searching for these posts each week and would like them delivered right to you instead, sign up for our free newsletter, The Upworthiest, here.

Joy

10 things that made us smile this week

We've got a sweet little roundup of joy for you.

This week's best smile-worthy finds from around the internet

Hey, all! It's time for our weekly round-up of joy, where we gather up 10 of the happiest, funniest and most beautifully touching finds from around the internet and deliver them to you all in one spot.

This week we have some examples of particularly lovely humans going out of their way to lend a hand to others, a couple of cute puppers engaging in silly antics, some adorable baby goats dancing in slow motion, a delightful Monty Python-themed prom proposal and more. If you could use a little dose of joy—and who couldn't?—we've got you covered.

Enjoy!


1. 'Heaven's Receptionist' is on TikTok and she's helping people cope with loss in a beautiful way

@taryntino21

Replying to @jennifertavernier13 for you and your mama ❤️ she absolutely qualified for angel premium plus btw! #heaven #receptionist

Taryn Delanie Smith first created Denise, a New Yorker receptionist working in heaven, as pure comedy. After one heartfelt request, however, everything changed and the videos are bringing people comfort in their grief. Read the full story here.

2. Kid has a plastic owl lawn ornament instead of a stuffed animal because kids are the best

When my daughter was about this age, she had a pretty standard baby doll, but she named it "Horse." Tiny humans are the best humans.

3. Perfectly delivered Month-Python themed 'promposal' might just be the best ever

The paper crowns, the fact that they're in normal clothes except for the red robe and goofy wig, the little detail of the kid being lifted off the horse, the scroll simply reading "Prom?"—it all harkens back to a simpler time before viral when kids would do stuff like this just for the fun of it. Even the girl's dad gave some chuckles of approval. Read the full story here.

4. Puppy gives his point of view on the day of his adoption and it's adorably giggle-worthy

@annamolinstinct

I didnt even cry ONCE. #labpuppy

First of all, Gilligan is the cutest name for a yellow lab puppy. Second of all, getting his POV is too sweet. Read the full story here.

5. Family helps man who is afraid to go down an escalator and you might want a tissue for this

The "Don't worry, I'm Batman" got me. What a lovely, lovely interaction on all fronts.

6. People stopping to dance in a 'Dance Here' circle is just a pure serotonin boost

So simple, yet so effective. Let's put dance circles all over every city. Read the full story here.

7. Dog disrupts a soccer match to play with the ball and…well, just watch

That doggo was determined to have that ball. And everyone was so chill about it. And seeing that player haul the huge pup off the pitch…it's all just so delightfully civilized.

8. Neighbor hears a woman's husband left her and gets emotional as he offers to cut her lawn

Maybe he has some experiences from his past that make this situation particularly emotional or maybe he's just a feeler. Either way, what a sweetheart.

9. Baby goats jumping in slow motion to Tchaikovsky might just be the cure for what ails you

It's like a little baby goat ballet! And the folks behind it say these goats can teach us all a valuable life lesson. Read the story here.

10. A good reminder to inspire and be inspired because we can all benefit from one another's positive energy

Hope that helps you skip through the weekend with a little extra pep in your step!

If you'd like to get posts like this one delivered to your inbox so you don't have to go searching for them, sign up for our free newsletter, The Upworthiest, here.

Joy

10 things that made us smile this week

Upworthy's weekly roundup of delights

From sweet groomsmen to new baby eagerness to surprise proposals, this week's list is full of joy.

Looking for an antidote to the negative news cycle? Look no further, cause we've got you covered.

In this week's roundup, you'll find a delightful surprise proposal, a NICU nurse with a huge heart, a 3-year-old who starts his day in the best possible way, an emotional groom being supported by his besties, a cat aggressively adopting her human in a parking lot and more.

I know I'm a bit biased, but I think this week's list of things that made us smile is especially smile-worthy. So kick back, relax and let these waves of joy wash over you.


1. A teacher thought she was running to break up a fight. What greeted her was the exact opposite.

@lilythern

#fyp #touchingmoment #middleschoolersbelike #loveit

Talk about a surprise proposal. Let's also talk about how she ran straight toward the fray, and in heels no less. Read the story here.

2. Family showing up on Day 31 after No-Baby-Visitors-for-30-Days rule expired is sheer joy

"I already sanitized! I already sanitized!" The eagerness to get first hands on that baby—too precious.

3. NICU nurse with a huge heart adopts a 14-year-old mom who gave birth to triplets

Katrina Mullen, already a mom of five, welcomed four more into her family.

Upworthy/Today

Katrina Mullen had been a teen mom herself, and when her former patient was going to be put into foster care along with her three babies, she didn't hesitate to welcome her into her family. Read the incredible full story here.

4. 3-year-old wakes up at 5:30 a.m. and immediately asks Alexa to play 'I'm Still Standing' so he can dance to it

@narisekiraaaax

5:30am wake up call from my darling son - this bedroom camera captures some of the funniest things 🤣 • #kidsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #mumsoftiktok #mumlife #toddlersoftiktok #newtrend #camera #caughtoncamera #capturedoncamera #imstillstanding #taronedgerton #eltonjohn #dancing #kidstiktok #dancetok #funny #familiesoftiktok #family #hotel #confidence #boymom #mumofboys #uk

Now that's how you greet the day. Go, Vinnie, go!

5. A gift for Gen Xers: Check out this trip down old-school dance memory lane

6. This best man and groomsman supporting an emotional groom has people celebrating genuine friendship

@angelabrushephotography

When Pete saw Maddie 🥹 #fyp #groomreaction #emotionalmoments #weddingtiktok #firstlookwithgroom #weddingphotographer

The groom and best man have been best friends since preschool—and they're both named Peter! Read the full story and see the bride make her entrance here.

7. Teenager performs a surprise haka for his mom at her college graduation

@shay_anar

Very proud of you mum 4 very long and hard years finally paid off!! 💯

Such a powerful expression of love and respect for his mama. Read the full story here.

8. They surprised their 93-year-old grandma after not seeing her for three years and she's beyond thrilled

9. Cat aggressively adopts a new owner in a parking lot and finds a home with 'not cat people'

@dretontheborder

#catrescue #catrescueroftiktok I am not a #catperson but maybe now I will be after today. I #Love my #son has a #huge #compassionate #heart #momsoftiktok #rescate #gato

Some people adopt cats and some people are adopted by cats through the Cat Distribution System. If you've never heard of the CDS, see how it works here.

10. May we all receive the level of emotional support this guy gets from his good doggo

Post-work cuddles and tail wags for the win.

Hope that gave you the boost of serotonin you needed today! If you enjoyed this post and would like to receive more like this in your inbox, join our free newsletter, the Upworthiest, here.