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Woman tries to find love like everyone does in Hallmark Christmas movies and fails miserably

She's a professional, hardworking woman who visits a small town in Vermont. Guess what happens next.

via Buzzfeed / Facebook

Hallmark Channel Christmas movies are proudly predictable, full of cliches, and bland as virgin eggnog. But people love 'em. I mean they really love them.

According to Crown Media, the parent of Hallmark and its sister network Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, an average of 3.5 million people tuned in to Hallmark's "Countdown to Christmas" during its nine-week run in 2018.

Laugh all you want at the sappy films, but Hallmark doesn't care. In 2018, it brought in $600 million in advertising revenue.

Hallmark has a formula and it's sticking to it. Even it's movie posters are formulaic, Dave Addyey created a montage of Hallmark Christmas movie posters, and their similarity is pretty hilarious. Each one features a white woman in red holding a Christmas ornament and a white man holding her wearing green. Both are bathed in beautiful, golden lighting.

— (@)

Designer Jessica Jones has even made a bingo card so you can play along with all of the clichés throughout the holidays.

Canceled flight? Check.

Woman who quits a successful job for life in a small town? Check.

Scene where they decorate a Christmas tree? Check.

Child makes a wish? Check.

Gift wrapping scene? BINGO!

And of course, the movie has to have a female lead who was on the TV show, "Full House." It just wouldn't be a Hallmark Christmas movie without Candace Cameron Bure, Lori Laughlin, or Jodie Sweetin. But, of course, we'll settle for other '90s teen TV stars like Danica McKellar or Lacey Chabert.

Comedian Elizabeth Kemp had some fun with Hallmark Christmas movie cliches by creating a hilarious video where she plays the typical "big city girl who comes to a small town for Christmas" character.

But unfortunately, even though she puts herself in the position to find love it never happens. Hence the title, "Hallmark Movies Lied to Me."

"I am over the age of 30. I have multiple graduate degrees, I've definitely prioritized my career. I'm single, but I have been in Vermont for five days now, and not once has anyone approached me about saving an inn or planning a fall festival or even just asked me to reconsider my priorities," she says in the opening of the video.

Kemp then visits a Christmas tree farm and utters the phrases that should attract her some attention from the male protagonist. "I hate Christmas, I hate the fall. Nothing about the holidays appeals to me," she says.

She even sets a trap for a paramour by grabbing a hot cup of coffee and posting up in a classic, small-town gazebo. But nothing happens.

Kemp goes so far as to take to the road and hope for a traffic incident. Narrowly missing a pedestrian with your car is a great way for couples to have a meet-cute in Hallmark films.

Sadly, Elizabeth didn't meet the love of her life in a cozy, Christmassy, Hallmark fashion. But, the good news is, she didn't accidentally wind up as the female lead in a Lifetime movie. Then she'd be in big trouble.

This article originally appeared on 12.16.20

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People are rallying to help woman who had 'Hallmark' meet-cute moment while buying Christmas tree

Have we witnessed the beginning of a love story?

via Pixabay

A beautiful Christmas tree lot.

Hallmark has produced more than 300 holiday-themed movies over the past decade and they tend to be romantic comedies or stories about families that reunite around Christmas. The movies are meant to be comfort food on a cold winter’s night, so no one seems to mind that they’re filled with predictable plot lines and cliches.

Hallmark movies have become a big part of America's holiday tradition. Last year, more than 80 million people watched at least part of one.

Each film usually begins with a single woman in a small, quaint town having a meet-ugly or a meet-cute with her love interest. In a meet-ugly scenario, the boy and girl are either adversaries in a cause or inadvertently injure one another in a freak accident. If it's a meet-cute scenario, the two randomly run into each other and have an instant connection.

Regardless of how they meet, the couple falls for each other and then a major misunderstanding drives them apart before they are brought together again

Writer Shyla Watson went Christmas tree shopping on November 27 and inadvertently found herself in a situation that resembled the first act of a Hallmark holiday movie. Her tweet about it quickly went viral, receiving more than 72,000 likes.

Christmas tree shopping day. I’m at my most powerful 🎄 pic.twitter.com/I7zJsFLqvq
— Shyla Watson (@shylawhittney) November 27, 2022

I can’t believe I’m even writing this but just now I was trying to get my Christmas tree off the roof of the car. Clearly struggling. A voice calls out asking if I need help. I turn around. A HANDSOME, SHIRTLESS, TATTOOED stranger comes forward. (1/2)
— Shyla Watson (@shylawhittney) November 27, 2022

\u201cOkay so I didn\u2019t get his name or number but in my defense I was very frazzled!! It\u2019s not every day a hot shirtless guy comes to your Christmas rescue (yes this would be the name of the Hallmark movie) but I\u2019m pretty sure he lives across the street so waiting for a xmas miracle\u201d
— Shyla Watson (@Shyla Watson) 1669588817

Shyla didn’t get his number but that may not be such a bad thing. Liv pointed out that the movie has just begun and it was a total meet-cute situation.

No, it’s good that you didn’t get his number bc they never do in the first scenes. Please frequent your local cafe, join a local cause/protest, go Christmas shopping on a busy weekend, and walk around unaware of your surroundings for optimal results. Please update. Thank you.
— liv🕯 (@oIiviacarter) November 28, 2022

Amber Picota noted that there is a surefire way to get the man's attention: gaze at the snow with a warm drink in hand.

Hear me out: during the first snow, walk w/ a mug of cocoa in hand, to the front porch. You gaze at the miracle of snow. You’re distracted by movement across the street. He too is mesmerized by the snow. Your eyes lock. There’s a softness in his eyes. He waves & walks your way.
— Irreverent Reverend ✊🏼🙏🏼 (@TheAmberPicota) November 28, 2022

Shyla should also prepare herself for a meet-ugly reversal.

💯this. Also, carry in the other arm a stack of poorly organised papers and files of different colours to increase the drama of the accidental both or you not looking where you’re going collision
— Natasha Guttenbeil (@tashinja) November 28, 2022

Or, she can double down on the heavy-item tactic.

You need to get another bulky thing in your car and struggle to get it out, so he'll appear again and say "We need to stop meeting like this."
— Henri Hart - Querying 'Corner House' (@HenriHartWrites) November 28, 2022

Auld Anxiety knows how to find him and find out if he's single.

aight so boom, this what you gotta do...call your friends/family and get a caroling group together. Go to every door in the neighborhood till he answer. Now u know where he stay at AND if he got kids/wife cause he'll call em to the door. pic.twitter.com/FWAFqkI3Kq
— Auld Anxiety (@NotFknYt) November 28, 2022

Keep an eye out for ex-girlfriends. They always tend to pop up somewhere in these movies.

And after knowing him for 1 month, he will invite you to his small town family’s Christmas party where his ex is also attending. She’ll try to make a move but don’t worry he’ll shut it down. By the end of the night, you’ll be engaged. Congrats!
— cat 👽🍃💅🏻 (@CatIsFamous) November 28, 2022

But of course, problems will arise.

Make sure to tell everyone that you are not interested in a relationship this Christmas and that love is not for you and that you are busy with work or some other big project so that way you will be more shocked and surprise to see him at the office/event party.
— Aries Roivas (@AriesRoivas) November 29, 2022

Nonononono! She's the brilliant designer who comes up with THEE hot Xmas ornament whose sales are going to save the company, which he inherited from his grandparents.
— Angelina♣️📖📝🧶 (@MemphisBelle111) November 28, 2022

You’re going to figure out where he lives because you will see him walking out his door with a very attractive woman. You will be jealous but eventually you will find out she’s his recently widowed sister. You will feel bad and relieved at the same time.
— Ann Mitchell☮️ (@saythewordmom) November 29, 2022

Pretty sure you might need to go to your local bookstore which may be closing down because a greedy real estate mogul wants the land for development. You’ll find your guy working there because it’s his family store.
— Candace Stephenson (she/her) (@defcandy) November 28, 2022

So when is this going to become a movie already?

Patiently awaiting episode two of Handsome Holiday Help pic.twitter.com/OaNJeps7S9
— knishiwa08 (@knishiwa08) November 28, 2022

The fact that Hallmark holiday films are so predictable isn’t entirely due to a lack of creativity at the channel. Romantic comedies are generally filled with cliches that date back to Shakespeare.

The Take spells it out perfectly:

“The Rom-Com Formula: Two people at odds, a meet-cute, misunderstanding, or an outright lie, an adorably clumsy heroine, a red herring love interest, a whimsical job, a big apartment, zany side characters, kissing in the rain, the epiphany, the happy-ever-after… and more."

Shyla has yet to update the world on what happened after she had her meet-cute, but maybe that’s because “Handsome Holiday Hunk” is already in development at Hallmark and she doesn’t want to blow the deal.

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'How many straight rom-coms do we need?': Jim Parsons fiercely defends 'Love, Simon.'

How many romantic comedies starring straight couples have been made since the dawn of time?

A thousand? A million? There have been a lot!

Americans haven't suffered from a straight rom-com shortage since rom-coms became a thing — "Annie Hall" in 1977, "The Apartment" in 1960, or maybe even "It Happened One Night" way back in 1934.

Rarely do you hear complaints from moviegoers about Hollywood churning out too many of them.

Which is why Jim Parsons has had it.

Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.

The actor visited "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" on May 7 to promote a reboot of the gay-themed Broadway show "The Boys in The Band." As the conversation veered into the need for more LGBTQ representation in theater, film, and beyond, Parsons revealed one thing that irked him about the criticism aimed at the film "Love, Simon" earlier this year.

The teen rom-com — the genre's first to star a gay lead while also boasting a big budget — was dinged by some critics for arriving in theaters about a decade too late. "'Love, Simon' Is a Groundbreaking Gay Movie," one headline announced, "But Do Today's Teens Actually Need It?"

According to Parsons, the answer is a resounding yes.

The wide release of "Love, Simon" meant an LGBTQ-themed movie for teens was in most movie theaters across the country. That's never happened before. And for a gay kid in, say, small-town Kansas, that matters.

As Parsons explained:

"I read a couple of articles that were essentially saying – I loved ['Love, Simon'], by the way — but there were a couple articles that were like, 'That's too late.' ... That we're beyond this now — the kind of tale of coming out that this was. And I thought, 'Maybe if you're a 30-something writer living in New York or L.A. it may be like, 'I don't need to see this,' obviously. But I don't know – I think there are people in many other places that, yes, you do still need to see it."

Parsons then pointed out how absurd it is to argue a gay rom-com is "too late" to make a meaningful difference when no one holds straight rom-coms to the same standard:

"Never mind the fact [they're saying] 'a gay rom-com — it's too late.' Well, tell that to 'When Harry Met Sally,' you know? Which was brilliant, but I'm saying, 'How many straight rom-coms do we need? When is it too late for them?' You know?"

Check out the interview below.

Parsons begins talking about "Love, Simon," at about the 7-minute mark.

He's not wrong, is he?

We often eat up straight rom-coms faster than the popcorn kernels in our buttery palms without thinking twice about their relevance to the social consciousness of the day.

Yet with rom-coms featuring marginalized lovebirds, there seems to be a different standard. Did "Love, Simon" explore queerness in a positive way? Was it relatable enough for LGBTQ teens? Was it timely enough to make a difference? Did it revolutionize the fight for LGBTQ equality in 1 hour and 50 minutes of screen time?!

This is exactly why we need more rom-coms featuring LGBTQ people from all walks of life — people of color, people of minority faiths, disabled people, and everyone else. That way, the few films featuring marginalized people that do get made won't bear the brunt of cramming the experiences of an entire group into one trip to the movies.

Or, as Parsons quipped, to laughs: "Let me get sick of too many gay rom-coms, then, thank you very much. Bring it on."

rom coms

Woman tries to find love like everyone does in Hallmark Christmas movies and fails miserably

She's a professional, hardworking woman who visits a small town in Vermont. Guess what happens next.

People are rallying to help woman who had 'Hallmark' meet-cute moment while buying Christmas tree

Have we witnessed the beginning of a love story?

'How many straight rom-coms do we need?': Jim Parsons fiercely defends 'Love, Simon.'

How many romantic comedies starring straight couples have been made since the dawn of time?

According to Parsons, the answer is a resounding yes.

Parsons then pointed out how absurd it is to argue a gay rom-com is "too late" to make a meaningful difference when no one holds straight rom-coms to the same standard:

Check out the interview below.

He's not wrong, is he?

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