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A doctor specializing in child development shares 5 of her most surprising parenting tips

"How To Discipline Your Child So They Actually Learn" is one of her more popular videos.

via drkristynsommer / TikTok

Parenting is the most important job that most people will ever have in life. Your decisions as a parent will be some of the most important determining factors in whether your child becomes a happy and productive adult or not. It's a huge responsibility.

Parenting is a difficult and important undertaking, but many parents simply repeat the same strategies used by their parents. How often do we hear people rationalize their decisions by saying, "That's what my parents did and I came out OK."

This approach to raising children negates the fact that with every generation there are countless studies done on child development, many of which run counter to popular parenting wisdom from the past.

Dr. Kristyn Sommer, who has a PhD in child development, has received a lot of attention on social media because of her dedication to teaching "evidence-based parenting." This expertise has made her an advocate for strategies that run counter to conventional parenting wisdom and have stirred up a bit of controversy.

Here are five TikTok videos where Sommer shares some of her evidence-based parenting strategies.

@drkristynsommer Play > rote learning for toddlers 🙌 #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #playmatters #earlylearning #earlychildhoodeducation #preschool #toddler ♬ original sound - DrKristynSommer

Three Things I Do Differently as a Mum with a PhD in Child Development

In Dr. Sommer's first video where she references her degree she admits she refuses to sleep train, co-sleeps with her daughter, and never calls her "naughty" or "bad." She delves deeper into her thoughts on discipline in the next video.

How To Discipline Your Child So They Actually Learn

Dr. Sommer uses positive reinforcement to discipline her child and as she said in the previous video, avoids the use of terms such as "naughty" or "bad." If her daughter is doing something wrong she asks her to contemplate whether she's making a good or a bad decision.

How to Handle Tantrums

Most people tend to think of a tantrum as naughty behavior. However, they are actually a combination of a bunch of little stresses that the child has experienced throughout the day that eventually overwhelm them. Once they hit the tipping point, all of their big feelings bubble up to the surface, resulting in a healthy expression of emotion.

Should You Spank Your Child?

Dr. Sommer is passionately against "spanking, corporal punishment, physical punishment, what ever you want to call it." She says it needs to stop because it has little effect on behavior and can lead to antisocial tendencies in the future.

She Doesn't Teach ABCs and 1,2,3s

Dr. Sommer isn't worried about teaching her child her toddler alphabet or how to count. She says that it "doesn't really help them with anything" but they should spend that time playing because that's where they learn best.

@drkristynsommer
Play > rote learning for toddlers 🙌 #playbasedlearning #learningthroughplay #playmatters #earlylearning #earlychildhoodeducation #preschool #toddler

This article originally appeared on 08.03.21

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parenting

Family

Mom explains why 'emotional regulation' is the most exhausting part of being a parent

It's a problem a lot of parents face but few discuss.

via AnnaleeGrace15/TikTok

Annalee Grace discusses the problems she faces with emotional regulation.

In a heartfelt TikTok post, an exasperated Annalee Grace admits that her expectations of motherhood haven’t matched the reality of having children. And the difference between how people talk about parenting and the troubles she’s recently faced has made her feel alone.

However, after posting her video, many commenters shared that they also struggle with one of the hardest but under-discussed parts of being a parent, regulating one’s emotions.

Grace is the parent of two young children and a popular TikTok creator with over 450,000 followers.

“[If you] had asked me to guess what the hardest part of having kids was before I actually had kids? I probably would have guessed, like, I don't know, lack of freedom or lack of sleep or something like that. Wrong," Grace said as she sat frustrated in her car.

“It is the pure exhaustion that comes from emotionally regulating 24/7. The patience and the strength that it takes to watch these humans combust in front of you and stay cool so that they can regulate and take in all of their emotions for them,” she continued.

Warning:Strong language.

@annaleegrace15
Being a mom is the most wonderful and humblimg thing ive ever done. Every day these little kids teach me something new about myself and im just so thankful for the opportunity ❤️😭 #momlife #momsoftiktok #babiesoftiktok #toddlersoftiktok #marriedlife #husbandwife

Grace posted the video after having an emotional outburst where she screamed at her two young children. “I just screamed at my kids, and I saw in their little eyes when all of a sudden it flicked. They were scared of me, and I sat them both down, and I apologized,” she said.

The underlying problem of her frustrations is that she doesn't see many examples of other parents having the same struggles because they happen behind closed doors and not on social media.

“I feel like I'm the only one who has mornings like this with my kid. Even though logically, I know that's not true. I can't see into other people's homes. Right? All I see are people out in public or cute little vlogs making pancakes in the morning,” Grace continued. “Like, and I feel like I'm this evil monster on a hill yelling at her tiny little kid. And I know I apologize, and that's what counts is to show them how you can make a mistake and apologize.”

Grace received an incredible amount of support in the comments to her video.

"Oh, mama. You’re not the only one. We didn’t get apologies. You’re already doing better than we had," Charity wrote.

"All of this! Apologize, ask for forgiveness, and let it go. Carrying it into tomorrow puts you in a deficit. You are not alone," Shannon added.

"Thank you for sharing this. This is the exact day we're having today & I feel TERRIBLE. She moves on & I'm melting in a puddle of guilt the rest of the day," Tor Christmas wrote.

Psychologist Lindsay Perlman has some easy-to-remember advice for parents struggling with regulating their emotions around their children. She has a simple acronym: STOP. Perlman believes that by practicing the STOP method, parents can increase their “self-awareness” and “control of strong emotions.”

S – STOP, step back

T – Tune into your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations

O – Observe and notice what is going on inside and outside of you

P – Proceed mindfully

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parents of tiktok

A doctor specializing in child development shares 5 of her most surprising parenting tips

"How To Discipline Your Child So They Actually Learn" is one of her more popular videos.

Three Things I Do Differently as a Mum with a PhD in Child Development

How To Discipline Your Child So They Actually Learn

How to Handle Tantrums

Should You Spank Your Child?

She Doesn't Teach ABCs and 1,2,3s

Mom explains why 'emotional regulation' is the most exhausting part of being a parent

It's a problem a lot of parents face but few discuss.

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