paige connell

Canadian psychologist Elliott Jacques coined the term "mid-life crisis" in 1965 to describe a time in people’s lives when they begin to grapple with meaning, purpose, and mortality. This developmental state can inspire people to become more spiritual and improve their health. It can also cause people to seek extramarital affairs and buy a flashy car.

As baby boomers came of age, they were among the first generations to openly struggle with the mid-life crisis. You saw this often in '80s and '90s pop culture when men would buy sports cars and get their ears pierced to appear young and virile. Now that they’re at retirement age, boomers are embracing the three-quarter life crisis, where they're facing their mortality by travelling, taking risks, and living it up while they can. The problem is that this has taken them away from their roles as grandparents, and their millennial children feel abandoned.

What’s wrong with boomer grandparents?

A married man and woman in their late 60s.via Canva/Photos

Recent generational trends show a big rift between millennials and their boomer parents. The older generation isn’t keen on spending time with their grandchildren or helping their kids raise their families. At a time when the cost of living is through the roof, especially childcare, young families need more support than ever, and it feels like the baby boomers have dropped the ball by prioritizing their well-being over the children and grandchildren.

"It is a really common struggle," Leslie Dobson, a psychologist in Los Angeles, told Business Insider. "You have children, and it feels even more like an abandonment that they've chosen their life over meeting their grandchildren and building these relationships. There's almost like this three-fourth life crisis that [boomers are] in. And they're really looking at this as, 'Oh, my God, my life's almost over. When is my last day, and how am I going to live my best life?'"

A mom an dher baby.via Canva/Photos

The crux of the generational rift is whether boomers should have to sacrifice their remaining years putting family first or whether they deserve to have fun while they can. Many in the younger generation see the decision to put good times and personal development before family as a hallmark of a group deemed the “Me Generation” in the ‘70s.

Do millennials and boomers parent differently?

To make things worse, when boomers are around to care for their grandchildren, their old-school, authoritarian approach to parenting often clashes with the more gentle, nurturing style adopted by the millennials. "What I've seen in my clients is there's a huge differentiation in parenting," Dobson said. "If you ask a millennial, the boomers are overly harsh and not good at parenting the younger children. And millennials are very aware of what could potentially be traumatizing, what is not gentle parenting."

Popular millennial parenting influencer Paige Connell went viral on TikTok recently for pointing out a big problem with boomer grandparents: they insist on doing it their way and won’t listen to their children. “It's so strange being a millennial parent with boomers who are now grandparents to your children. Because we all want them to have this, like, really close, loving relationship, but struggle for so many reasons,” she opens her video. “I think one of the biggest reasons is just the blatant disregard for any parenting decisions we make, and so this can look so many different ways, I think it starts when they're born, right.”

Ultimately, the millennial-boomer generational divide isn’t just about parenting styles; it’s about expectations, values, and priorities. As millennials struggle with young children, boomers are off chasing joy and fulfillment in the final quarter of their lives. Hopefully, they can both understand each other and meet in the middle.