upworthy

no kids

A woman saying "back off."

There’s a growing trend in America of younger people not wanting to have children. In 2018, 37% of adults under 50 said that they didn’t want to have children, and, five years later in 2023, that number grew to 47%. That’s a big leap from those 50 and over, which over 31% said they never wanted to have children.

Why aren’t young people having as many kids?

There are many reasons why people decide not to have kids, whether it’s finances, the current state of the world, or a desire to spend their time and attention on their careers. But among those under 50 who aren’t interested in having children, the most popular reason is, they just don’t want to.

Tara Margulies, women’s health influencer and host of the Understand Your Cycle podcast, used a metaphor about a mythical genie in a bottle to explain why she doesn’t want to have any children. “If you gave me a genie and you said, 'You can have three wishes,' and I said, 'I want unlimited money. I want a 100% guarantee that I'm going to have zero complications in my pregnancy, my birth. It's not going to cause any problems in my relationship at all. And I'd magically have unlimited time to be able to do everything that I wanted as well as raise this child. I still wouldn't do it," Margulies said.

Margulies insists that her child-free choice is genuine and a hallmark of her generation. “And it's not some kind of feminist brainwash telling me that I'm finally allowed and should be selfish. It's that we are the first generation that's openly talking about it like this, and it makes people mad,” she said.

Her bottom line is simple: “Not everybody is meant to procreate, and that is okay.”

Margulies' followers shared their reasons for not wanting kids, which are all pretty straightforward. “Read something genius: Would I be a good mom? Yes. Would I be a happy mom? No." Anna wrote. “I don’t want children, and I never have. I have never felt the urge to be a mother. I honestly do not like kids, and pregnancy freaks me out. It is not the life for me. Courtney added.

woman says no, woman raises finger, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennialA woman holding up her pointer finger.via Canva/Photos

A parent in the comments is totally on board with Margulies’ decision. “As a parent, I really don’t understand the hate and push to everyone to have kids. Kids are hard work. If you aren’t fully wanting it, why would you!" Luce wrote.

Margulies sees her decision as the logical result of the women’s rights movement. "In a lot of cases, we're the first generation of women in our lineage to be privileged enough to have a choice," Margulies told Newsweek. "We can make our own money, own our own property, we don't feel the pressure our parents felt to do what everyone else is doing."

woman says no, no kids, childfree, independant woman, millennial, noA woman with "no" written on her hands. via Canva/Photos

Margulies’ TikTok post is crucial because even though millennial women are in the position where they can confidently make their own reproductive choices, many women in her age group still feel pressured to have children. Those who do not are often stigmatized as selfish by their loved ones and society at large, even though studies show that childfree women are generally happier, healthier, less depressed, less anxious, and more satisfied than mothers. They also tend to have happier marriages and romantic relationship satisfaction.

The good news is that people like Margulies are choosing to be childfree because women have earned the right in developed countries to make their own reproductive choices and are in the position to live life on their own terms. Ultimately, it’s the best choice for all involved, because children deserve parents who fully invest in their decision to have them.

Family

15 people reveal the real reasons why they don’t plan on having children

Nobody should judge another person's reproductive choices.

A woman isn't into the idea of having kids.

A growing number of adults in the United States say that they aren’t interested in having children. A 2021 study by Pew Research found that 44% of nonparents aged 18 to 49 say that it is “not too or not at all likely that they will have children someday.” That’s a 7% increase over the 37% who said the same in 2018.

Fifty-six percent of those say they simply don’t want to have children, and the 46% who chose “some other reason” cited medical reasons, their financial situation, lack of a partner, age and state of the world as the biggest reasons they aren’t likely to have kids in the future.

A Reddit user by the name of ilovenosycats asked the online forum, “Why don't you have kids and/or do not plan on having kids?” and received a lot of revealing answers. Over 1,700 people responded to the question, and some of the most popular reasons contradict the idea that those who don’t want to have kids are being selfish.


Many who replied to the thread said they don’t want to have children because they don’t think they’d be good parents. Others are dealing with childhood trauma and have no interest in passing it on to their kids. Some are concerned about the condition of the world and don’t think it’s right to bring a child into such a challenging place.

Some enjoy having fewer responsibilities and a couple of extra dollars in their pockets. And who can blame them?

While it’s good to understand those who want to remain child-free, people’s reproductive choices are no one else’s business. There are many great reasons to have kids or be child-free. So, it’s probably best to celebrate each other’s differences when it comes to such a big decision.

Plus, no one should have children unless they really want them.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: “Why don't you have kids and/or do not plan on having kids?”

1.

"I just don't feel like I want it badly enough, and one should really want to have a child in order to be able to give their 100% as a parent, every child deserves that." — SignificantFunny1523

Usedcellist1 added:

"This is my reason. Waiting for that 'badly enough"'to kick in. It's getting hard to differentiate between wanting to fit in socially (not wanting to miss my friends and family's current 'baby wave'), and what I actually want. Been married 4 years now and I'm 32, so it's just... hard. I struggle with the idea daily."

2.

"Sleep. I love sleep. I get up when I'm being paid to get up but otherwise my great and immediate joy is sleeping until I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I much prefer sleep to children." — DamnIGottaJustSay

3.

"This curse ends with me." — DavetheRoper

4.

"Don’t have the patience for kids." — Leoimirmir

5.

"I don’t want to be a parent. That’s a perfectly valid reason." — AllyriaCelene

6.

"Cost of raising a kid, and the lifelong stress of raising a kid." — Typical_Conclusion_5

7.

"Would rather help an existing life be better through adoption than to create another one. As well as not pass down my less than optimal genetics." — LoonaticLaskdorp

8.

"I like my life exactly like it is. Kids might make it better. They might make it worse. But, since this is awesome, I’m great with things staying the way they are." — SnooWords4513

9.

"I have OCD and trauma that would be entirely overwhelmed by a child. Children deserve to be annoying, gross, messy, and to have fun. I would not be able to foster an environment where a small child had the freedom to have fun without feeling bad about themself. Children are annoying but they’re supposed to be. It would be unfair for me to have a child that I know would overstimulate me. You don’t get breaks from being a parent and I just don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.

I would perhaps like to adopt or foster older children one day. I think I could help someone have a very nice life. I’d also like to give a child the adult guidance I needed and never had.

Overall, I think I’m more suited to be a cool uncle. I love kids and feel like they represent the best parts of personhood — love, trust, freedom of self-expression without shame. I just don’t think I’d be a good fit for small kids long term. My own desires to nurture another don’t overpower the personal limitations I hold, I believe that would be selfish. On a personal level, I would also be horrified if I had a child with the same disorders that I have. I know the struggles and pains of growing up mentally ill and mistreated, and I never hope to make another person feel that way." — TheSoundofStyrofoam

10.

"Bringing someone into this world is cruel." — dziwolonk

11.

"I can barely look after myself let alone a kid." — Rude_Act_6276

12.

"Isn't 8 Billion People enough?" — Georgiculus

13.

"Responsibility is one of the things I hate most in my life. I want peace of mind. I don't want to deal with a creature that I have to take care of everything. Besides, this world isn't a good place anyway, if I had a child I wouldn't be able to live my own life trying to give him a good life. That's why I don't have children." — Corvuseums

14.

"Being a DINK is the literal best. We are the coolest neighbors on the block, amazing aunts and uncles, loving parents to several pets, and have enough free money that we can give money to charities and causes we believe in. I think I am a better member of my community without kids. (I fully believe this is not the case for everyone and there are many fantastic parents.)" — probably_a_possum

15.

"I can’t impregnate myself." — Nirvana_bob7