A couple posing near a tree.
A 29-year-old man is dealing with serious tensions within his family after they confronted him about his girlfriend’s weight and how she chooses to dress. To find out if he was in the wrong for how he handled the situation, he took to Reddit to get some clarity.
The situation started at a recent family gathering.
“While attending my (26 M) brother’s girlfriend’s birthday party at their house, my mother and my brother brought me to the kitchen and confronted me, and told me that my girlfriend needs to dress more modestly and that they have a problem with her not wearing a bra,” the man recalled.
The discussion came out of the blue for the man who had no idea his girlfriend’s style or weight was an issue for anyone. It certainly wasn't one for him. His girlfriend had previously told him that she doesn’t like wearing a bra because it makes her chest feel “tight” and “uncomfortable.”
“I’m not sure if it’s because she’s my long-time girlfriend, but even though she weighs around 160 pounds, her not wearing a bra has never stuck out to me before, and I hadn’t even really noticed until they had pointed it out to me,” he admitted.
A couple posing by a woodpile.
His family members then began to talk about his girlfriend in a sexualized way.
His mother said her breasts were “too big” for her not to wear a bra, and her boyfriend added that when she’s in the room, it’s the “only thing you can look at.” His brother then confessed that he had had multiple fights with his girlfriend over the woman’s body and choice of attire. “She’s afraid my brother's eyes will wander, and she secretly is afraid he likes overweight girls,” he said.
After the confrontation, the man and his girlfriend left the party.
After the family realized they left, his brother called him, and he said that his girlfriend’s “body shape or the way she dresses is anyone’s business and that if people wanted to be creepy and stare at her, that wasn’t her fault.”
His mother then got on the phone and, once again, said the girlfriend needs to show “respect” for herself and the family by wearing a bra. “I then told them how important I think it is for my girlfriend to be comfortable in the clothes she’s wearing, and if she can’t be comfortable around my family, then we don’t need to see them anymore,” he said.
Sadly, the phone call devolved into a loud argument between all 3 parties. The man asked for a “second opinion” from folks on Reddit whether he in fact was being “too brash.” The commenters overwhelmingly supported him and said he handled the situation gracefully.
"Leaving the situation was the best thing to do. I'd like to think I would have this grace too but your family is REALLY weird," the most popular commenter, ARandomWalkInSpace, wrote.
"The way you talk about your girlfriend tells us a lot about the kind of person and partner you are, and your perspective and actions in this situation are admirable. Your family is trying to pin the blame for their own problems on your girlfriend," Amandahip wrote. "As someone with a relatively large chest, it’s almost easier to dress “modestly” while bra-less or wearing low-support garments. Your family is creating a battle that your girlfriend can’t win, and the two of you leaving the situation was a graceful response."
Another noted that the family blamed the girlfriend for everyone else's inappropriate reactions to her.
"You hit all the marks,” houskeepinghoney wrote. “Those women are afraid their men can't control their eyes, which they should absolutely be able to. "So tired of people blaming women for men's actions.”
In the end, the entire experience was an excellent way for the man and his girlfriend to break out of negative family cycles.
“My girlfriend is okay. We both come from families that thrive on drama,” he wrote. “This was just a breaking point for me personally. Thank you all for your support, kind words, and confirming what I already knew.”