When I was pregnant with my third child, I developed a condition called SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction) that made standing or walking for too long excruciatingly painful. I was only four months pregnant and looked perfectly healthy, but I had to use the motorized carts at the grocery store to do my shopping. When I'd stop the cart and walk to a shelf to pick out an item, I often wondered if people questioned why I was using the cart. I wasn't elderly, and I wasn't injured. I barely looked pregnant and could clearly could stand and walk. Did they wonder if I was just lazy and selfishly taking the cart from someone who really needed it?

That was my first taste of what daily life can be like for the millions of people living with invisible disabilities.

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When I found out I was pregnant in October 2018, I had planned to keep the news a secret from family for a little while — but my phone seemed to have other ideas.

Within just a few hours of finding out the news, I was being bombarded with ads for baby gear, baby clothes and diapers on Facebook, Instagram and pretty much any other site I visited — be it my phone or on my computer.

Good thing my family wasn't looking over my shoulder while I was on my phone or my secret would have been ruined.

I'm certainly not alone in feeling like online ads can read your mind.

When I started asking around, it seemed like everyone had their own similar story: Brian Kelleher told me that when he and his wife met, they started getting ads for wedding rings and bridal shops within just a few weeks. Tech blogger Snezhina Piskov told me that she started getting ads for pocket projectors after discussing them in Messenger with her colleagues. Meanwhile Lauren Foley, a writer, told me she started getting ads for Happy Socks after seeing one of their shops when she got off the bus one day.

When online advertising seems to know us this well, it begs the question: are our phones listening to us?

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