desserts

There are decade-long, even century-long debates, that can divide the most amiable of people. Coke vs. Pepsi. Pizza vs. Hotdogs. The Beatles vs. Third Eye Blind. What, no?

But when it comes to desserts, no one examines a controversial argument better than actor/comedian Paul F. Tompkins. For him, it's cake vs. pie and he looks at it from every single delicious angle.

For some years now, Tompkins's bit have delighted audiences, young and old, pie-hungry or cake-monsters. In a clip from Just for Laughs titled "The Truth Hurts People," he first asks the audience if they prefer cake to pie, by round of applause. Pie seems to get a more enthusiastic response, and Tompkins looks shocked. Laughing and shaking his head, he says, "Oh you pie people. You make me laugh."

Paul F. Tompkins settles big baked goods debate. www.youtube.com

Then, as serious as anyone can be during a comedy show, he pauses and says with force: "Cake will always be superior to pie." Many in the audience gasp. "Yeah, the truth hurts pie people. Cake will always be superior to pie for one very simple reason. Frosting! Y'all forgot about the frosting!"

"Every once in awhile, I get some pathetic little pie person saying something like 'Well, you can put whipped cream on a pie.'" Tompkins is not having it. "Whipped cream?! Don’t make me laugh. You've embarrassed the both of us with that answer! You put whipped cream up against frosting?"

The audience eats it up. "Here's how good frosting is. When you eat it directly out of the can, you feel shame. Must be it's pretty good. Must be because you're not supposed to eat it that way. But are you gonna put pie filling up against frosting?"

A woman eats whipped cream. Giphy GIF by Neponi

Now with his laser-focus on pie, he exclaims, "First of all, pie filling doesn't even sound like it's that great, right? It sounds like filling. It's just there to prop up the crust of the pie. Yeah, people want to eat crust man. It's like stuff some of this filling in there. They had the chance to jazz up the name of pie filling. They could have called it 'the heart of the pie' or something like that."

Then Tompkins gives some advice to pie. "The only hope that pie has ever had to vanquish cake, ladies and gentlemen, is if science gets off its ass. Let's stick a pin in cancer for awhile and figure out how to frost a pie." He adds, "You're telling me in the history of dudes getting high, no dude ever turned to his friend and said, 'Guess what guys? Tonight is the night that drugs finally pay off. It just occurred to me to put frosting on that pie. This is the experience we've been waiting for! Oh, it's paint. Let's do it anyway!'"

I had a chance to get some background on the bit from my longtime comedian pal. When asked what inspired it, Tompkins shares exclusively with Upworthy, "I've heard many people express liking pie more than cake in a manner that was meant to convey that they were more sophisticated somehow. When the reality is that both cake and pie are great, and it's not indicative of a more highly evolved state to say one is better than the other. There are so many kinds of both, it's absurd to say one form is better than an another. 'Bread is better than potatoes.' What are you even TALKING about?"

I also asked if there had ever been any serious pushback about his take that cake is superior. Tompkins replies that there has indeed been. "Ever since I first did the bit, there have been people who want to argue it with me offstage. And man, I just don't know what to tell you. It's a silly bit that is not meant to express any empirical truth. I am quite simply goofin' around about dessert preferences. But there have been some people who clearly NEED to argue on behalf of baked goods. To them I say, 'be grateful I didn't go the Chappelle route and write multiple hours of comedy about how you are impertinent for daring to contradict me.' I could CRUSH the pie community if I so choose."

And yet, the timeless debate rages on. Less than a month ago, someone asked on Reddit, "Cake or Pie?" The question has already received over 300 comments and the opinions are strong. Of course, a few of them pay homage to Tompkins. But their answers seem relatively split down the middle. Many of them simply answer "Cake!" or "Pie!" But a few get more detailed and seem to give the question a lot of thought.

One notes it might depend on the country of origin. "Depends on what kind of cake/pie, and how it's made. I feel like us Americans don't tend to make good cakes. You can find them out there, but the standard cheap American cake is not great. Cheap pie is bad, too, obviously. But overall, as an average, I think we do a better job with pie than with cake."

So many cakes and pies. Giphy GIF by Cat & the Fiddle

This person seems very hungry. "I love pie, but I'm having a chocolate on chocolate cake first any day. Second is a yellow cake with chocolate buttercream. Next probably apple pie and chocolate cream pie. Its gotta be a good cake, not a grocery store cake. If that were the case, I would change my answer to pie."

Then there's the question of cheesecake. One Redditor answers, "Pie unless it's cheesecake or Tres leches." This prompts its own discussion, with someone answering "Isn't cheesecake really just pie? Certainly it isn't cake!"

On that matter, another shares, "Cheesecake > several different pies > carrot cake > more pies > ice cream cake > then the rest doesn't matter."

But this kind commenter finds common ground. "I’ll have the cake and my husband will have the pie. Between the two of us, we are not going to hurt any feelings."