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Man honors mom's passing with a tattoo of her handwritten diary entry from the day he was born

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me.'"

Photos courtesy of Jake Bley

Jake Bley wanted to commemorate the 10th anniversary of his mother's passing.

When kids are growing up, they often see their mother in one dimension—just "Mom"—without much thought for the life she lived before kids or who she is outside of that role. It's usually not until we reach our own adulthood that we recognize, "OH, Mom is much more than just my mother," and if we're lucky, we then get to know her in a whole new light and celebrate all that she is.

Jake Bley is lucky to be getting to know and celebrate his mother, Nicki—but in a very different way than most people do.

toddler in mom's arms and adult son with arm around mom Jake as a toddler and as an adult with his mom, NickiPhotos courtesy of Jake Bley

Nicki Bley was only 46 when she died after a year-long battle with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in 2014. Jake, one of Nicki's five children, was in his early 20s when she passed.

"As a young mother, our relationship was closer to a friendship than a usual mother/son relationship," Jake tells Upworthy. "I could go to her about anything, and she was always supportive…she was one of my best friends."

woman bald from chemo laughing with her adult son

Jake and Nicki just months before Nicki passed

Photo courtesy of Jake Bley

Shortly before she died, Nicki gave each of her kids a special gift. To Jake, she handed over her collection of handwritten diaries she'd kept from the time she was 8 years old.

"When she gave each of her children our gifts she was very sick," he says. "But she told me she gave me the diaries and other sentimental items because she knew I would value them, and I could process her thoughts throughout the years. Get to really know who she was and value that. The good and the bad."

"It has been 10 years since she passed, and I only started really looking at the items recently," Jake shares. "It has been too hurtful to explore them until now. That's when I found the little red Collins from 1989, the year I was born. From there, I flicked to the day I was born and that was when I saw her entry—'only a little fellow.'"

— (@)

Jake had been born prematurely, weighing only 5.7 pounds at birth, and Nicki had jotted "Only a little fellow" as a note beneath his statistics.

"The second I saw it I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, these were her first thoughts about me," Jake says. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

As part of his healing journey, Jake decided to tattoo the phrase on his leg, in his mom's handwriting, to commemorate the 10th anniversary of her passing.

Since this has reached so many people, I wanted to update saying that I’ve started going through the note, diaries, documents and photos my mum left me. I found this photo of her and she was so damn cool. There’s so much to read and preserve.

(Sorry I’m a yapper) pic.twitter.com/LPiXM1bG0W
— Jake (@jakebley) June 28, 2024

"I took the day off work, very nervous, and I walked into a local tattoo artist studio with no booking," he says. "Up until then I didn't feel like I could commit. My tattoo artist Riley was incredible. I told her the story, and she took the 1989 Red Collins diary and copied the handwriting on to a transfer for the tattoo."

"I love meaningful tattoos," she told him. It was Jake's first time getting a tattoo, but he says that all of his nerves instantly vanished when he saw the final product.

"It was perfect. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and it was a happy moment. When I got back to my car I cried happy tears, because for the first time in a very long time I was letting myself feel my emotions."

He shared a video documenting the tattoo experience on TikTok:

@jakebley
TW: GRIEF. I know shes watching over me. #Tattoo #Grief #griefjourney ❤️

Jake says his grief over his mother's death has been complex. "It's not until years later that I started to understand the impact of losing a parent, and the need to not only experience, but feel my emotions," he says. "Taking the time to rediscover my mother, and getting this tattoo a decade later has been part of my healing journey."

Jake's story has gone viral on social media, with people offering their words of comfort and their own experiences with remembering their loved ones, which has given a whole new dimension to Nicki's legacy.

"It has been so wonderful seeing the love pouring out from the community," Jake tells Upworthy. "The thought that 10 years on my mother's handwriting, love and memory not only lives on but is celebrated by so many truly fills my heart."

This article originally appeared on 7.6.24

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From quilts to embroidery: Creative ways artists memorialize those who've passed away.

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Everyone who's lost a loved one has memories and stories of them that they will always treasure.

Talking about those memories and sharing them with others can help people cope with grief and also to celebrate the legacy of their loved one. Something else that's a good healing tool? Art.

Artist Bisa Butler uses quilting to memorialize those who've died.

"I’ve suffered loss and I know that longing for that person," she said.

For the past 15 years, Butler has turned loss into warmth and comfort through commemorative quilts. She bases her quilts on photographs of loved ones — including her own grandmother as she neared the end of life. Butler works to find ways to pour extra meaning into her quilts; for her grandmother's quilt, for example, she incorporated violets into the pattern because that was also her grandmother's name.

When Butler was tasked with making a quilt to honor the late Howard Fitch, she used parts of a military shirt to commemorate his service and commitment to his country.

"Abundant Blessings" image via Bisa Butler, used with permission.

Butler made the quilt for Dawn Fitch, Howard's daughter, as part of Prudential's "Masterpiece of Love"campaign. The series honors life, love, loss, and the power of the human spirit by bringing together four artists with four survivors of loss to create works that celebrate their loved ones.

Butler's quilt of Fitch was intended not only to celebrate him, but to provide comfort and protection to his family.

"For me, the very nature of looking at fabric stitched is a comfort," she said. "For people to have that tangible piece, it's not only something nice to look at, it's something nice to touch."

Artist Christine DaCruz discovered a different way of interpreting death — through an embroidery project.

During an artist residency that focused on how news is interpreted, DaCruz got an idea to embroider obituaries from The New York Times.

"The shift became to not necessarily talk about their death but to reflect on their life," she said. "I thought the New York Times' obituaries did such a good job at collecting the stories of how these people lived and what was important to them."

Image from "The Obituaries" via Christine DaCruz, used with permission.

In "The Obituaries," a series that can be found on her website, DaCruz takes photographs used in obituaries and hand-stitches colored thread through the paper to embellish the photos. What makes them extra interesting is how she draws outside of the cropped photo images to include what she imagines the rest of the photo to look like.

Image from "The Obituaries" via Christine DaCruz, used with permission.

It's just one way she likes to celebrate life and learn people's histories — even if they may be strangers.

"We are all affected by [death]," DaCruz noted, "but just reflecting on the person's life and all the good they brought into the world and how they affected people positively is a way to embrace and celebrate them."

When DaCruz was asked to memorialize the life of Mickey McNany, she knew just the route to take.

Mickey, the late mother of Ryan McNany, is another of the loved ones featured in Prudential's "Masterpiece of Love" series.

McNany was the founding director of the Theatre School at the Paper Mill Playhouse. Even after losing her fight with late-stage cancer, she continues to touch countless lives; 87% of the kids McNany mentored throughout the years have ended up in a career in theater arts.

"She was a force to be reckoned with," said DaCruz, after learning McNany's story.

Mickey McNany. Image via Prudential, used with permission.

McNany helped so many people realize their dreams, DaCruz thought, so why not give her her own playbill cover?

DaCruz used inspiration for the piece "Show Biz Kid" from a photo of McNany doing what she loved: teaching.

"Showbiz Kid" by Christine DaCruz. Image via Prudential, used with permission.

"She motivated all these kids to get out on stage and break out of their isolated boxes," DaCruz recalled. "She helped them come out of her comfort zone."

Art — whether it’s writing, painting, dancing, observing, or something else — can be a productive outlet to promote healing and expression.

There's a reason art therapy is becoming an increasingly popular method of care. Art, prayer, and healing can help to bring one's thoughts inward, and that journey can be deeply transformative.

"People really connect with art," DaCruz said. "Even if they don’t visit museums on a regular basis, everybody is drawn to something beautiful, especially if it’s about something they recognize."

"What’s more recognizable than somebody they love?"