upworthy

choosing a baby name

Image via Canva

A dad went out for coffee and his wife named their newborn baby

Most people believe that both parents have an equal right to choose their baby’s name and that it should result from an agreement between both parties. That doesn't mean it’s always easy for both people to agree on the same name, but look, if you’re going to be a successful parent, you must know how to make compromises occasionally. Starting the job with your heels dug in does not bode well for anyone.

That’s why the following story is interesting. It shows what happens when a mother decides she can make the decision all by herself and what the fallout is like when her husband and his family find out. The story was recently shared on social media, and the commenters were shocked that she wasn’t sure if she was in the wrong.

"So, my (32F) husband (33M) and I just had our first baby girl a couple of weeks ago,” she begins the story. “We’d been going back and forth on names during my entire pregnancy. I really wanted to name her Eleanor after my late grandmother, who basically raised me when my parents weren’t around. She was my hero, and losing her last year was devastating. Honoring her felt deeply important.”

A man and woman sit on a bed facing away from each other A husband and wife disagree over the naming of their newborn babyImage via Canva

The woman’s husband preferred modern names such as Nova or Ember, which the mother just “couldn’t connect with,” so they never compromised.

“On the day our daughter was born, while my husband stepped out to grab coffee, a nurse asked if we had a name for the birth certificate. I know I should have waited, but I was emotional and felt this rush of conviction. I just blurted out, ‘Eleanor.’”

When the husband returned with the coffee, he was “furious.”

“He said I’d blindsided him, robbed him of having a say, and that our daughter would hate her 'old lady' name. His family is also calling me manipulative. I feel terrible about the timing and how it all went down, but it’s not like we hadn’t discussed Eleanor before. I just feel like I honored a name that truly mattered to me when he wouldn’t budge.”

The mother asked the commenters if the father was overreacting because “we couldn’t find common ground.”

A frustrated woman looks at her laptop with her hands covering her eyes The mom took to social media asking if she was in the wrongImage via Canva

The commenters overwhelmingly supported the father in the situation:

“You made a unilateral decision about your shared child,” the top commenter wrote. “You literally started her life by using her as a centerpiece for conflict with your husband. You also isolated her from your husband during the first major decision regarding her. What a terrible way to start her life.”

“‘…it’s not like we hadn’t discussed Eleanor before.’ You discussed it and he said no. Personally, I think the name Eleanor is lovely, but that’s not the issue,” another commenter noted. “You unilaterally made a decision —a decision a you knew your husband disagreed with—about your—both of your—child. Your giving birth doesn’t make this child any less his. Your husband and his family are absolutely right. You blindsided him."

However, a few commenters believed whoever birthed the child had the right to pick the name, even if the father disagreed:

“This might be the only daughter you have and if he can’t make it meaningful for you when you just risked your life for this baby and let you have the win then idk,” one of the few supporters of the mother wrote. ”I would let him pick the middle name. Trendy names are overrated.”


A pregnant woman and a man point fingers at each other People took the side of the father when asked to commentImage via Canva

The woman who posted her story has yet to follow up and share what happened next, but let’s hope she took the commenters’ advice and apologized to her husband and changed the baby's name. Most agree that it's not fair for him to call his daughter a name he doesn’t like for the rest of their lives and it will always be a sore spot in their relationship. It’s best to bring a child into a family where everyone is on the same page and agrees on the things that matter most.

This article originally appeared last year.

Family

Mom wonders if she made a mistake giving her baby an 'adult' name

The name isn't currently matching his "squishy baby" personality.

@_heatherel_/TikTok

What's in a name? A lot, actually.

The names parents give their children make a profound impact on their lives—for better, or for worse. And the different strategies for picking the right name—including spending upwards of thousands of dollars for professional help—is a hot topic of discussion for well intentioned moms and dads.


It wasn’t too long ago that one mom went viral for encouraging parents to give their kids “adult names” that they wouldn’t outgrow. However, another mom who tried that tactic is having some second thoughts.

In a video posted to her TikTok, Heather, known as @_heatherel_ opened up about her mixed feelings since naming her son Reed four months ago.

"Since the beginning, I'm not convinced I like his name ... even though I like his name," she says, laughing at herself.

Heather goes on to say that she intended to give her son an “adult name,” but is still “having a hard time connecting it to him because he's a little squishy baby,” leaving her unsure as to whether or not she actually likes the name at all.

The experience left Heather wondering if any other moms who gave their kids, particularly their sons, more “traditional adult” names felt the same sort of ambivalence.

@_heatherel_ Just me?? #boymom #momtok #babynames #babyboynames #adultnames #regerts #momlife #workingmon #needadvice #babytok #babyboy ♬ original sound - Heather

While she did get a few who commiserated with her situation, Heather mostly received a whole lotta advice and encouragement.

“I have a Thomas, Henry, Levi and Woody. They all took some time for me to connect their name with them! But they all fit now!” one mom commented.

Undoubtedly the main tip was to incorporate a squishy baby-friendly nickname.

“My grandson is a Reed. I LOVE his name. When he was a baby I would call him Reeder, Reedster, Reedman…Just playing with him,” one person wrote.

“I named my son Reid and I love his name! He’s a young adult now, but when he was a squishy baby we just nicknamed him,” another added. “Sometimes we called him Reido, sometimes we called him Reidie.”

Another mom chimed in to reiterate that changing a name is perfectly okay.

“My son was supposed to be Daniel. It just did not fit him at all. We changed his name to Joseph. Fits him much better,” she commented.

Since Heather told People in an exclusive interview that the name Reed has “sentimental value,” there won’t be any plans of changing it. But now, with a little support, hopefully she can feel more confident in her decision.