Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

alcoholics

Health

Sober woman shares the 1-minute psychological trick she uses to stop alcohol cravings

Can you really have "just one"?

via Terricks Noah/Pexels and Louis Laboratory/Pexels

A woman having a whiskey and another with a tape player

For people who have problems with alcohol, it’s nearly impossible to go out and have “just one” drink. After one drink, their inhibitions are lowered, which leads to drink two, drink three and then it’s off to the races. Chances are the following day will be one of regrets and consequences.

A TikTok user named Danielle, also known as the Sober Rebel, who has been sober for over five years, has a practice she uses to make sure she doesn’t fall for the “just one” trick her alcoholic mind plays on her.

“Alcohol cravings can legit hijack your brain and overtake your mind, leaving you feeling super powerless in that moment. Because in that moment, the desire to drink can be larger than your initial intention to not drink alcohol in the first place,” Danielle says in the video with over 675,000 views. “So we're gonna walk through a little visualization and we're gonna talk about this powerful exercise that is called playing the tape forward.”

Danielle plays out a scenario where you go out with your friends but don't want to drink because you're going hiking the next day and want to be fresh as a daisy. However, when you get to the restaurant, everyone is having a great time and you crave a drink.

“In that moment, you have to decide, like, are you gonna drink or are you gonna stick to the initial plan?" Danielle asks.

@thedanielledigrandi
Works everytime 🌟 Resources for sobriety, your alcohol free journey or sober curious 🔗 #sober #soberaf #sobercurious #sobertips #sobertiktok #fyp #alcoholfreejourney

When people who don’t want to drink are tempted to have “just one,” Danielle’s one-minute exercise can be a lifesaver. She says before you buy that martini, you should play out the scenario that will unfold if you have the drink, like a “movie unfolding in front of you.” But in this film, the drink is the focal point.

“So, based on your previous experiences with alcohol, what happened? Do you stop at one drink, or do you have two drinks and then like your inhibitions kinda go out the window and then you're like, f**k it, I'm going to have more?” she asks. Eventually, in Danielle’s scenario, the evening ends in complete debauchery and you wake up the following day with a pounding headache.

“Then you wake up the next morning and you are ridden with anxiety. Maybe the lights are still on because you passed out and all of your clothes and you have a pounding headache and then any plan that you had went out the window,” she concludes the scenario.

Then you ask yourself the question: Is the instant gratification of having this drink enough to justify the pain I will most likely face tomorrow morning?

Playing the tape forward isn’t just a technique people use in recovery. It’s a cognitive-behavioral tool that psychologists use to help people improve their decision-making in various scenarios. According to The Daily Sober, the practice gives us a clear idea of what may happen when we make terrible decisions and that one minute also buys us some time to let the craving pass.

“By vividly imagining these outcomes, we can gain a more transparent, more comprehensive perspective of the ramifications of our decisions,” The Daily Sober writes. “This process of 'Playing the tape through' brings a sense of clarity, enlightening us about the potential consequences of our actions. It helps grind our decision-making rather than being swayed by momentary impulses or cravings."

The TikTok video resonated with many of Danielle's followers trying to stay sober.

“I’m 9 months sober, but sometimes it comes knocking loud. But playing the tape right through instead of the trailer is key. Cuz the trailer looks great, but the movie looks tragic,” one commenter wrote. “Playing it forward, I learned this a few years back, a great way to stay sober,” another added.

“86 days today for me! This is incredibly good advice. Those cravings are liars, so shining a light on them is super helpful,” another commenter wrote.

It takes more than one behavioral technique for someone with a severe drinking problem to get sober. But, for those who want to stop drinking or at least be more intentional with their use, the more tools available, the better. That’s why it’s beautiful that Danielle has shared the play-the-tape-forward strategy on TikTok. Hopefully, it'll result in fewer of us falling victim to the “just one” trick our minds play on us.

Sure, having that drink will bring you instant gratification, but it can also be the starting point for an evening you’ll regret when the sun rises.

From Your Site Articles

alcohol

We're all in this fight together. You are not alone.

It seems like almost everyone has had some experience navigating the complicated waters of loving an addict.

Previously, I shared my story about growing up with an alcoholic parent. I confessed that I grew up as a child of an addict, and I shared a lot of honest and raw details about my life.

Me and my dad.

And when we shared the story with Upworthy readers, my inbox flooded with messages of people saying, “Me too.”

I couldn’t believe how many people related to my story. It’s like we gave people permission to start talking about secrets they’ve held in for years.

So I reached out to the daughters, sons, husbands, wives, and people who boldly shared their stories with me. I asked these people to share their truths — mostly unspoken before now — and to tell their stories about loving an addict.

Here's what they told me:

1. “I always felt [like] finding love outside my home would fix what was broken inside of it ... and it never did.”

Samantha told me about the time her mom tried to put a ponytail in her hair when she was in fifth grade. But her mom was too hungover to make it work. On that day, Samantha decided she didn’t need her mom anymore, and she clung to this mentality until she was 19 years old.

Instead, Samantha turned to friends and boyfriends to try to fix her broken idea of home. But they could never replace the love she needed from her mom. Samantha’s mom eventually decided to get help, but Samantha had to work through a lot of the anger she harbored toward her mom too.

Today, Samantha said: “I’ve since turned my relationship with my mom into something worth holding onto.”

2. “I’m still stuck in the ‘Don’t tell anyone’ phase.”

One reader, who asked to remain anonymous, said her family is still in the phase where they hide the dark secrets in their home. She said there’s only one place where she can talk about the truth: her diary.

As a "highly functional drunk,” her dad has held the same job for more than 45 years without anyone knowing his struggles. The disease has also been passed down, and now her siblings are racking up violations for driving while intoxicated. She desperately wants to understand how alcohol has so much power and control over her family.

3. Some people don't make it out of addiction.

I can’t give credit to just one person for sharing this devastating story because so many people shared this with me. I heard about many parents who battled for years with alcoholism and never recovered, leaving behind sons and daughters. It isn’t fair, that’s for sure.

Many of these courageous people are now trying to forgive their parents, even after they've passed away. These children are walking their own paths of recovery.

4. “I went to prison because of my addiction.”

Summer is an addict who is proud to share that she is now in recovery. At the age of 27, Summer went to prison for two and a half years after more than a decade of battling addiction. Once released, a caring probation officer helped her enter a treatment program.

Summer as a child. She started struggling with addiction when she was 14. Photo used with permission.

“I still have fears and doubts that I can make it through recovery and not relapse,” said Summer. “It’s a lifelong process that I’m learning each day.”

Summer is now a working mother, also studying to be a substance abuse counselor. New friends in recovery became family too, helping Summer find a new way of life. “They loved me until I learned to love myself.”

5. “I’m afraid that I’ll become an alcoholic and ruin my kids’ lives.”

As a 10-year-old little girl, Melissa thought her parents' drinking was all her fault. Then, she became a parent herself and felt all of the “what ifs” piling on.

Melissa said she often asks herself: “What if I drink? What if I can't control it? What if I end up making my kids feel like I used to?”

For Melissa, this is an ongoing battle. She has found support through therapy, which is helping her realize she isn’t to blame for her parents’ behaviors.

6. “My dad was an abusive alcoholic for years and it's still difficult.”

Rachel and her dad. Photo used with permission.

After years of living with an abusive alcoholic father, Rachel was left burdened with many issues. She told me she wants to find the words to explain how she feels after all these years, but it’s a struggle every day.

7. “My family’s recovery feels far away.”

“My mom is an alcoholic, but sadly is a long way from any sort of recovery,” said Dave.

Dave has loved his mother through all the difficult steps, like visiting many counselors and therapists for help. And as of today, as with many people I heard from, he says nothing has worked. He’s still waiting for the day when his mom will find her way to sobriety.

8. “I’m getting ready to marry into a family with addiction that keeps repeating itself through many generations, and it’s scary.”

Grace’s fiancé’s family struggles with generations of addiction. Her fiancé’s mother grew up with a violent alcoholic father, and Grace has had a hard time accepting how she can still love a man after he’s caused so much pain.

The disease has now been passed down to her fiancé’s immediate siblings. Grace said she’s still trying to grasp the depths of the impacts on a family for so many generations.

“We just have to try our best and accept that people will make mistakes,” said Grace.

9. “I became the recipient of my dad’s rage. For years, I felt like I was always walking on eggshells.”

Ashley’s father made numbing his pain a priority, causing Ashley to view the world through a very dark, untrusting lens. And now, although Ashley’s father has been in recovery for 10 years, she has had to come face-to-face with her own lifelong journey toward recovery too.

Ashley and her dad. Photo provided by Ashley, used with permission.

“I have to work a strong recovery program of my own so I do not continue to pass on the dysfunction and trauma to future generations of my family.”

Ashley recognizes that she learned to cope in dysfunctional ways, as she desperately fought for years for the love and approval of her father. But she says she’s bouncing back, learning to set boundaries and gain back her confidence.

The next time you think you’re alone in learning to love an addict, think again.

We’re all in this fight together. You are not alone.