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adopt a highway

Donald Trump has an Adopt-a-Highway. I walked down it. Here's what I found.

If there's one thing we know about Donald Trump, it's that he likes to put his name on things.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

Trump Tower, Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Vodka, Trump Shuttle. Trump Steaks, Trump University — the Trump portfolio is vast and varied indeed.

Whose casino is this again? Photo by Jewel Samad/Getty Images.

But even under the harsh, unforgiving spotlight of a presidential campaign, one Trump brand has mostly flown under the radar: Trump Highway.

Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Apparently, Donald Trump was so taken with the the two-mile stretch of the southbound side of Manhattan's Henry Hudson Parkway that runs past Trump Place Apartments that he up and adopted it.

Which means it's basically one of his children now.

And if there's another thing that's manifestly true about The Donald, it's that he loves his children (sometimes, perhaps, a little too much).

What happens when a man whose name is synonymous with "class" decides to stamp his name on a short stretch of previously unassuming parkway?

With his reputation and brand on the line, how could it not be glitzy? How could it not be beautiful? How could it not be the cleanest, shiniest, classiest road in America?

I decided to see for myself.

What a lovely place for a stroll. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

It's not particularly walkable, but hey, it's not too far from where I live, so I figured what the heck. I'll dodge a few Miatas to take a look.

What I found was a great highway. The best highway. The winningest highway. Exactly the sort of pristine, well-manicured thoroughfare you'd expect from a man dedicated to providing the world's most elegant driving experience.

A beaut! Photo via iStock.

Just kidding. I found a shitload of trash.

Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Roughly 75 pieces, after walking only about one-tenth of the length of it.

These are the top 23. The best pieces of trash. The classiest pieces of trash.

1. A sock in a tree.

Trump highway features only the most luxurious socks in only the branchiest trees. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

2. Half of a credit card.

Cash only, baby. Ring-a-ding-ding. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

3. A bag from Tory Burch.

The best shopping bags. The emptiest bags. The most sideways bags! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

4. A hubcap.

Whoever said a hubcap is best when attached to your car was an idiot. On Trump Highway, we fill them with leaves and sticks and bury them in a dirt pile for several weeks. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

5. Bangladeshi chicken crackers.

Folks, when Trump is president, there will be no more of these savory poultry snacks entering the U.S. until we find out what's going on. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

6. A Visa gift card sleeve.

Trump's empty gift card wrappers have won dozens of awards, including the Pulitzer Prize. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

7. A cigar wrapper.

Cigars, boys. Cigars! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

8. Another cigar wrapper.

Cigars for everyone! Come and get 'em! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

9. Another cigar wrapper.

An excessive amount of cigars! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

10. A box of candy-coated peanuts.

Every driver on Trump Highway is treated to America's absolute favorite candy, according to all the polls. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

11. A bottle of Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade.

Circumvent open container laws by drinking your wine coolers with the cap still on! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

12. A blue car freshener.

On Trump Highway, your car will be freshened with only the most natural scents. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

13. An empty bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Choose from our selection of premium ... wait, how did this get over the wall? Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

14. A crushed can of Red Bull.

Free Red Bull with the purchase of two or more Trump Vodka shots. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

15. A sneaker.

Our tennis courts are #1 in the known universe, including heaven. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

16. A latex glove with a cigarette butt sticking out of it.

Should you crash through the median, simply pick up the gold courtesy phone and our award-winning medical staff will come to your aid. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

17. A sheet of Hebrew School homework.

Trump Highway has a great relationship with the Jews. Who doesn't love a bagel with strawberry cream cheese? Classic. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

18. An old, muddy T-shirt that says "Cramming for Exams."

Each mile driven earns a free credit at Trump U. You may never graduate, but the SWAG is on point. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

19. A fold-out ad for a furniture store.

You'll be provided with deals! All the deals! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

20. A portable car ashtray.

We'll even help you quit smoking. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

21. A single serving of yogurt!

Our continental breakfast is prepared by world-renowned chefs Jacques Pépin, Nobu Matsuhisa, and Jesus! Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

22. An empty box of Trojan Magnum condoms.

No matter how tiny your hands are. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

23. A Coke with a straw still in it.

Leave your Cokes. Come back and drink 'em later. A+ security here on Trump Highway. Photo by Jon Comulada/Upworthy.

Now, I don't expect the guy to be out there every day picking up used napkins and empty condom boxes with his bare hands.

As much as I'd like to see that — oh boy howdy would I like to see that — Trump is in his 70s and, well, kind of busy these days.

Trash left at a Trump rally in Pennsylvania. Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

While the string of roadside garbage certainly doesn't make him or his organization look great, the amount of trash I found isn't necessarily any different or worse than what you'd find on the side of any other urban highway anywhere in America. It's most likely serviced by an outside contractor, per New York City Department of Transportation guidelines.

And honestly, not maintaining his Adopt-a-Highway all that well is, like, probably the 578th most offensive thing about the man (for more on this, see Trump's nonsensical attacks on Mexicans, bigoted fear of Muslims, misogyny, surprisingly aggressive and frequently anti-Semitic white nationalist supporters, and also basically every quality that exists).

Why do 23 pieces of garbage matter this election year? Because Trump insists that his name is synonymous with quality.

Much gold. Very swank. Photo by Timothy A. Clary/Getty Images.

It's a name he claims is responsible for a substantial percentage of his net worth — $3 billion, to be precise. It's a name that allows him to declare himself a runaway success at business. He professes to be able to do for the country what he's done for the products that bear his name.

It's the reason he wants us to let him run the United States of America.

And he went and stamped it on an Adopt-a-Highway that is, like, pretty filthy.

In this way, Trump Highway actually fits right in with the rest of the Trump business model. Like Trump Steaks, which are reportedly terrible, Trump Shuttle, which failed, Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts, which went bankrupt, or Trump University, which is under investigation for scamming students.

Individually, each one is a blip. But added together, they make you think...

Is Donald Trump really the results-driven, cut-no-corners, spare-no-expense, ultra-competent manager that he claims to be?

Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Or does he just play one on TV?

Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images.

What does the KKK's case against Georgia say about the First Amendment?

Understatement of the century: The KKK isn't exactly known for doing nice things.

The white supremacist hate group known as the Ku Klux Klan started in the mid 1800s and still exists today, albeit in much smaller and less active factions.

One of those factions, named the International Keystone Knights of the Ku Klux Klan is in Georgia.

And believe it or not ... the group wants to pick up trash as part of Georgia's adopt-a-highway program.

While that may sound like a good thing, consider the fact that as part of the program, all motorists driving along the Appalachian stretch of highway near the North Carolina border would have to drive past a sign that says "IKK Realm of GA, Ku Klux Klan."

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Which is why the state of Georgia saw the KKK's request and responded with a resounding, "Thanks but no thanks."

Now, the monthslong conflict over the hate group's right to free speech and Georgia's inclination to not hang a giant KKK ad on the highway is heading to the state's supreme court.

The interesting thing about this case is that, while free speech is at the heart of the issue, it's not really a free speech case.

The case largely boils down to the concept of "state sovereign immunity," which essentially says that no one can criminally prosecute the state without the state's consent.

To put it simply: The KKK wanted to participate in a state-sanctioned adopt-a-highway program which would involve having a sign promoting their hate group on government property. The state of Georgia declined that request, at which point the KKK decided to sue the state for infringing on its right to free speech. The state of Georgia then cited "state sovereign immunity" and said, "Nope, sorry, we can't be sued for that."

Maya Dillard Smith, executive director for the American Civil Liberties Union in Georgia, told The Washington Post that the state's sovereign immunity claim is "disheartening."

Frankly, if the state of Georgia doesn't want to hang up a big sign with the KKK's name on it just to get a couple miles of highway cleaned, it's hard to disagree with that decision.

Photo by John Moore/Getty Images.

The ACLU's argument, however, is that refusing to allow the KKK to participate in adopt-a-highway sets a dangerous precedent of regulating speech.

"It will be expanding the right of the state to engage in viewpoint discrimination," Smith said in a statement, explaining that if the state wins the case, it will be given "a license to refuse participation of individuals and groups whose speech the government disagrees with."

“Today it’s the KKK," Smith told the Post, "Tomorrow it’s journalists, lobbyists, religious evangelicals and even Black Lives Matter."

Of course, "slippery slope" arguments like that are a logical fallacy and can easily be argued in the other direction: Today it's a KKK sign, tomorrow it's a KKK billboard, a KKK recruitment center...

You get the picture.

Legal nuances aside, the case does raise a lot of difficult questions about our First Amendment right to free speech.

If it seems strange that the ACLU is defending a hate group's right to free speech, it's worth noting that the organization has a history of defending free speech for noted hate groups, including the American Nazi party and, on multiple other occasions, the KKK.

Anthony D. Romero, executive director of the ACLU in 2006. Photo by Karen Bleier/AFP/Getty Images.

And as tough as it may be to swallow, all of those parties do have the right to express their beliefs in America. That whole "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend with my life your right to say it" thing isn't just a patriotic Instagram quote graphic; it's actually one of the things that makes America great.

The right to speak freely is a fixture of democracy that we take pretty seriously.

The right to free speech doesn't mean the right to free speech without consequences. Problems arise when what's being said goes beyond being just "disagreeable."

The KKK's message has always been one of hate and racism, and their history is deeply saturated in violence, murder, and rape.

If you're someone whose ideals are entrenched in violence and hate, one of the consequences of you exercising your right to free speech might just be your government telling you to please shut the hell up.

Yes, you. Photo by William Thomas Cain/Getty Images.

That's true for any entity. Free speech is often misinterpreted as the right to say or promote whatever you want wherever you want, but there are restrictions. For example, you can't yell "fire" in a movie theatre or promote violence against women on Facebook (though the latter is more recent and, disappointingly, only loosely enforced).

Things get more complicated when you're talking about governments, and the ACLU raises an interesting question about setting precedents that would allow the government to censor groups it simply doesn't agree with.

That's why laws about defining and litigating hate speech are still the subject of much debate and controversy here in America.

That's also why we have supreme courts. In this case, the Supreme Court of Georgia's job is to interpret the Constitution's assertion of "free speech."

Interpreting and defining just what the Constitution protects under the First Amendment is no easy task, especially because the parameters of "free speech" are constantly shifting, evolving, and growing on a case-by-case basis.

Just in the last couple of years, the United States Supreme Court has had to interpret and rule on free speech as it applies to animal cruelty, promoting illegal drug use, and abortion buffer zones.

Supreme Court justices are the final defenders and interpreters of our Constitution, and even they have to constantly rethink and reinterpret what the seemingly simple concept of "freedom of speech" actually means.

So when the Senate Judiciary Committee says it won't have any hearings to confirm a presidential appointment to the United States Supreme Court, they're not just playing politics. They're playing fast and loose with some of the most important moral and legal decisions this country has to make.

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), who's said he will reject any Supreme Court nomination made by President Barack Obama. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

We'll soon find out if the state of Georgia has the right to disallow a hate-group group from participating in the adopt-a-highway program that is open to any other citizen.

Whether you think censoring a hate group is the right thing to do or that to do so would set a dangerous precedent, this case shines a light on just how complicated free speech can be and how important cases like this are to pay attention to.

Freedom of speech is something many of us take for granted. But it can be challenged, expanded, or restricted as time goes on and culture changes. But it's an inalienable right that we'll have as long as there are people willing to defend it.