Autistic children at high-energy events benefit from a place to get quiet.
When Julian Maha and Michele Kong's first child was diagnosed with autism, their world turned upside down.
Maha and Kong's son Abram was an easy, delightful, precocious baby at first. Around age 2, his behavior suddenly changed. He stopped talking. He stopped sleeping. He cried inconsolably half the night.
Though they are both physicians themselves, his parents were at a loss. They consulted several doctors, finally landing an appointment with one of the top speech delay specialists in the country.
After a short examination, the doctor abruptly delivered the daunting news: Abram has autism. He would probably never speak, never say, "I love you." And the doctor's opinion was that there was a good chance Maha and Kong would end up institutionalizing him because he was only going to get worse.
Maha and Kong were stunned.
"It was as if someone had dropped a bomb in our lives, and we were just standing there holding the pieces," Maha said in a TED Talk (video link below.) Abram's diagnosis changed everything — including what would become the couple's life calling.
Maha and Kong quickly learned that families affected by autism often feel isolated and excluded from society.
The couple found themselves thrust into a whole new world, and soon discovered that many parents of kids with autism find themselves with little social support.
Some people with an autism spectrum disorder are nonverbal completely or just at times, which can make communication difficult. The vocalizations that sometimes come with autism can be unnerving to people without autism who are unfamiliar with them. Too many noises, lights, people, or other stimuli can push people with autism into sensory overload, which can lead to meltdowns.
And then there are the assumptions. Because they communicate differently, people with autism are often perceived to be unintelligent or unfeeling.
However, Maha and Kong realized that many of society's perceptions of autism are simply wrong. People with autism are often highly intelligent and experience a full range of emotions. Many absolutely can and do feel and understand — it's just that sometimes, they just can't show it in ways that most of us without autism understand.
Maha and Kong believe that many of these prejudices can be dissolved through awareness, acceptance, and inclusion. So they set out on a major mission.
They founded KultureCity, an all-volunteer nonprofit that advocates for acceptance and inclusion of people with autism — and helps make it happen.
Based out of Birmingham, Alabama, where Maha and Kong live, KultureCity seeks to transform our society to be accepting and inclusive of neurodiversity.
"Everyone's aware of autism now," says Maha. "I think it's the next step of acceptance and inclusion that's really going to start making changes for so many kids."
Noise-cancelling headphones can help a child with autism in sensory overload.
Photo by Alireza Attari on UnsplashKultureCity works toward that goal by training people in guest service positions on how to interact with guests with sensory processing differences. They also help make spaces more inclusive through minor adjustments and accommodations. The training is the most important thing, though, Maha says. When non-autistic people know what to expect and have tools for interacting with someone who may hit sensory overload, everyone's experience is more positive.
KultureCity has helped create sensory-inclusive spaces at more than half of NBA stadiums, in addition to other venues.
The organization works with zoos, aquariums, professional sports venues, and other public spaces around the country to help them be more sensory-inclusive.
Maha points out that there's a difference between a sensory-friendly space or event and a sensory-inclusive one. A sensory-friendly space provides lower noise levels and crowds, but such accommodations might hinder the experiences of others. A sensory-inclusive space provides accommodations that have little to no impact on anyone else, but make a big difference for people prone to sensory overload.
Such an accommodation might be a room where people can escape the crowds and noise in a sports stadium, for example. Or it could be a grab bag filled with things like noise-cancelling headphones, stimming tools, and weighted lap pads (which can help people feel grounded).
Calm lighting, minimal decor, and various grounding activities give people a respite from sensory overload.
Photo by Ralph (Ravi) Kayden on UnsplashIt can be a challenging diagnosis, but Maha wants people to know that people with autism are no different from your children or loved ones who don't have it.
"They view the world differently and they take in the world differently from us, but their wants and needs are still similar," Maha notes. "They still seek acceptance and inclusion, they want to be part of the community, and it's our mission to help embrace them regardless of their differences."
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Communications expert shares the 7-word phrase to shoot down anyone being disrespectful
Try this method next time someone says something rude.
A woman can't believe what she just heard.
Getting caught off guard by a rude comment from a coworker, family member, or total stranger can throw you for a loop. You immediately start wondering how you should respond. Should I insult the person right back or play it cool without stooping to their level? Everyone is going to be thrown by a disrespectful comment at some point, so it’s good to have a response in your back pocket for that moment when it comes.
Communications expert Jefferson Fisher provided a great response that we can all use recently on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Fisher is a Texas board-certified personal injury attorney and one of the most respected voices on argumentation and communication in the world. He is also the bestselling author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.
How to respond to a rude or disrespectful comment
Fisher told Robbins that the first step in responding to the comment is nonverbal. You say nothing. “A lot of silence. So often, if you just wait 10 seconds that you're gonna add distance between what they said and how you're going to respond,” Fisher said. “They're saying this to get something out of you, cause in that moment, they're feeling something, whether it's a fear or an insecurity, whatever it is, you're not going to deliver on that same plane that they are.”
The next step is to let the rude person know that their behavior will not be tolerated in a confident manner.
“So somebody says something disrespectful, you give enough silence to make sure that it's a little awkward, and then you're going to say something to the effect of, ‘That's below my standard for a response.’ All of a sudden, you're now making it clear that what you just said was beneath me. And I don't respond to things that are beneath me in that way.”
Throw it back on them
If you prefer to put someone back on their heels instead of squelching the situation as Fisher recommends, John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of DisconnectionI Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of Disconnection, says that you should respond with a question: “Do you really mean that?”
“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.
After the person is asked if they meant what they said, they can double down on their rude comment, but they are probably more likely to backpedal or apologize.
Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that, unless you live under a rock, you’ll have to deal with people making rude comments. But the best thing you can do is to prepare yourself to confidently put someone in their place so they’ll think twice about ever being rude to you again.