Gen Xer asking about Boomers’ ’emotional immaturity’ taps a multi-generational parenting issue

“If we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!”

immature parents, emotionally immature parents, emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, parenting issue
People discuss what it's like growing up with emotionally immature parents.Photo credit: Image via Canva

Parenting styles change every generation. Gen X parents didn’t have technology (i.e. Google) to rely on to raise their kids, while Millennial parents today are all about gentle parenting. While Boomers have come under fire for being absent parents and grandparents, a common gripe that people have about their parents from all generations is their lack of emotional maturity.

In a Reddit forum of Gen Xers, member @Architecturegirl opened the discussion about emotionally immature parents. She explains that after reading a book on adult children of emotionally immature parents, she noted that while many Boomer parents have been accused of being emotionally immature–it really had nothing to do with their generation. “I had never really thought of emotional immaturity – like an inability to admit mistakes or preferring mind-numbing, polite conversation to meaningful connection – might be a generational issue,” she wrote.

Rather, being raised by emotionally immature parents is a common multi-generational parenting issue–and many people have opened up about what the realities of being raised by emotionally immature parents looked like. Plus, they shared how they are finding healing. These are their most relatable stories.

mature, emotional maturity, emotionally immature, emotional immaturity, emotional intelligence
This Country Comedy GIF by BBC Three Giphy

Stories

“In my house, the solution to any emotion-related problem (bullying, divorce, feeling disappointed, the fact that they sold my puppy during my birthday party so I ‘wouldn’t notice,’ and any/all lesser difficulties) was: ‘if we don’t ASK about it or TALK about it, the problem doesn’t exist!’ If got too big to be unnoticeable, the advice was something like, ‘just ignore it,’ and/or ‘everything will be fine.’ Or, the BLANK STARE: ie. ‘I do not want to hear about this…we don’t talk about THAT…quit bothering me.’” —@Architecturegirl

“I had cancer and my mother told me she couldn’t talk about it because it was her biggest fear. Bugger my fears (I survived obviously and have been in remission for 25 years). Anything serious in my life she’ll just walk away as I’m talking or give a little laugh like she’s pretending to listen but has no idea of how wrong her reaction is to what I’m saying. It’s taken me 53 years but I’ve finally given up discussing anything of importance to me with her. They’re such a damaged (and damaging) generation.” —@PuzzleheadedCat9986

“Among my friends and I who are Gen X it is a perfect 50-50 split between parents having emotional intelligence and those that don’t. Two anecdotes: My wife’s mother will still not say ‘period’ or ‘sex.’ They were ‘the thing’ (raised eyebrow) and the other thing (said in a disgusted tone). That was the sum total of the support my wife got. A friend grew up with a step father his whole childhood (bio father left right after birth). Step Dad was always detached and disinterested, and always drinking. Not violent, but not interested. When we were college age, his step dad got sober and realized what he had missed. Apologized and grew. Really made the effort to the point that in his late twenties my friend agreed to be officially adopted and changed his last name. Step dad is currently the most supportive and most present grandad of our group of friends.” —@Mourning_Walk

silent treatment, emotional maturity, emotional immaturity, the silent treatment, giving silent treatment
Will Forte Silent Treatment GIF by hero0fwar Giphy

“My mother and the silent treatment are like . I don’t think that woman has ever once used her words to express displeasure or disappointment, just a lot of huffing, puffing, slamming cabinets, eye rolls and going days without speaking. Her record was once 17 whole days! It was the most peaceful 17 days of my teenage life .” —@ThickConfusion1318

“My mom can’t take criticism. Like at all. If I say, ‘Hey, you said/did this thing that really hurt me.’ Her response is usually either to blame me and point out something completely unrelated that I did as a ‘See? You’re not perfect either!’, make excuses ‘I meant something totally different than what I said, so it’s fine.’, act like I’m completely overreacting ‘You’re so over dramatic! You’re always upset over everything and I have to walk on eggshells!’ Or to just get angry and start berating me for daring to bring it up to begin with. So it pretty much puts me in a position where I can’t talk to her about anything at all wrong in our relationship because she’s immediately going to take it as an attack and get defensive no matter how gently I word it. She always ends up upset and nothing is solved. So the best I can do is put distance and space between us to protect myself. And she keeps wondering why I never call or visit anymore.” —@barb4290

“I am pretty sure that as a generation, millennials suffered from emotional neglect from our parents. For me it was just as simple as my parents being unable to show any type of affection and would avoid/refuses certain topics of conversations. my mom was pretty dismissive and acted as it was an annoyance for her when I got my first period. She acted similarly as I hit several milestone growing up and it just never felt safe to talk to her about anything. Also, my dad would throw tantrums whenever he would not get his way, then blame my mom.” —@therdre

angry, anger, handle emotions, mad, emotional
Angry Inside Out GIF by Disney Pixar Giphy

“Growing up, my mother was not able to compartmentalize her stress from her job as a public school teacher. Would take it out on me for not eating peas or something at dinner, and I’d end up being yelled at by dad because he’d always take her side. Didn’t understand until I got older, and they’re still together, but at the time I was like wtf you see this, its crazy.” —@SeenNotScene

Healing Solutions

“‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’ by Lindsay Gibson is the GenX guidebook to dealing with all of our trauma spilling out at midlife. This book / concept comes up often in this subreddit. Personally it helped me a lot.” —@ND_Poet

“One thing I needed to come to terms with is that I cannot control my mother’s actions or feelings. Period. It was not my responsibility to do that. It was her responsibility to manage those things. It had been hers for a very long time, since way before ny sisters and I were even a thought. Once I understood that – not only on an intellectual level but an actual felt level, it became easier to make choices for my own well being. Boundaries. As others have said.” —@Stop_Already

boundaries, setting boundaries, boundary setting, boundary, healthy boundaries
Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New Girl Giphy

“Here’s what I have determined after raising kids to young adulthood. My parents did the best they could with the hand they were dealt. They did better than their own parents.” —@Reader47b

“Finally, at age 48, I stepped away from their table, that I kept trying to sit at. I was trying to rescue them. Finally realized, I can’t. They make the same amount of noise whether I am safe on shore, or jump in to the deep end and drown trying to rescue. Same amount of noise. And it does zero good. Put yourself first. Then your spouse and any kiddos next. That’s it. It’s ok to go low or no contact. It sort of hasn’t mattered in my situation. And it’s ok to grieve that you didn’t have the parents you needed, and if you have kids, they won’t have the grandparents they needed either. But you can be your parent (reparent yourself), and be the best damn grandparent if that is where you get to be. Break the cycle. You are worth it.” —@redtail_rising

“One thing that helps me is to remember that it’s not her fault she’s like that (her parents were abusive – I don’t think her emotionally capabilities developed normally). And keep my distance if she’s upset about something. I am not her therapist, she cannot make me be her therapist, and I cannot convince her to go to therapy. Her mental health is not my problem.” —@WhiskerWarrior2435

therapy, go to therapy, therapist, mental health, get therapy
Parks And Recreation Thumbs Up GIF Giphy

“The book ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells’ by Paul Mason and Randi Krieger is geared toward coping with family who have BPD, but it is a good overall guide on how to set boundaries and protect yourself against toxic/dysfunctional family, regardless of underlying pathology. Highly recommend. It allowed me to finally have a relationship with my mother that didn’t leave me a mess after every conversation.” —@UserUnknown

“I set hard boundaries and distanced myself from them as early as possible. I accepted that I was not responsible for their feelings or the outcomes of their decisions. I stopped trying to help/correct them because they didn’t want to hear it and it just created friction/tension. I just came to accept that my parents didn’t want to change/learn and that was a core aspect of who they were. And, even if they did want to, they didn’t want to do so as a result of interactions with me because they were accustomed to a power dynamic in which I was subordinate to them and my being an adult wasn’t going to cause them to forfeit any of that power.” —@DerHoggenCatten

  • Lesbian couple answers the most common questions they get from strangers about having a baby
    Moms Allie and Sam Conway answer the questions the commonly get a lesbian parentsPhoto credit: @allieandsam/Instagram, used with permission

    Despite society having made a lot of progress when it comes to same-sex relationships and alternative families, it’s not so commonplace that many queer parents are still presented with questions about their lifestyle from straight people.

    And while queer parents probably (rightfully) grow tired of answering certain questions day in and day out, having open conversation helps break through the lack of understanding which causes stigma and misconceptions in the first place. In a now-viral video shared to their Instagram, lesbian moms Allie and Sam Conway answer commonly asked questions they get as a queer married couple with twins.

    What’s it like to be lesbian parents?

    Of course, they started with the age-old question:

    “Who’s the real mom?”

    Though people by and large are able to differentiate biological connection from emotional connection (like with adoptive parents or step-parents to take on an active role in their step children’s lives), this is still a question that same-sex parents face regularly. And it’s a fairly harmful one at that, as it implicitly undermines the non-biological parent’s role in the family.

    So, to Sam’s point: “We’re both the mom.”

    Allie also told Upworthy that the usual response to this answer is “oh my gosh! That’s amazing!” Which makes her—and us—”smile so much.”

    Next up:

    “Who’s the dad?”

    To which they replied: “there isn’t a dad.”

    This is also a question fused with negative connotation, as it suggests a father figure is necessary for raising well-adjusted kids. But research shows that kids born to same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of straight couples, indicating that what’s really necessary for a child’s development is two healthy, loving parents. That’s it.

    Okay, this next one actually had an answer that surprised some folks:

    “Who carried them?”

    Though Sam wanted to be the one to get pregnant, Allie agreed to try after Sam’s “long fertility journey” of three IUI’s, three embryo transfers and multiple chemical pregnancies with one miscarriage.

    However, the couple used Sam’s eggs, and Sam did the breastfeeding.

    How the heck did that happen, you might wonder. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. So did lots of viewers. Sam underwent induced lactation, which tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and producing breast milk—it’s something often utilized by adoptive mothers.

    What is induced lactation?

    Induced lactation replicates the natural hormone process that happens when a woman gives birth. In this process, women are often given hormone supplements, such as estrogen or progesterone, to mimic the effects of pregnancy. This process may go on for months. About two months before the expected birth, the woman is then given a breast pump to stimulate lactation.

    Lastly, a fun one:

    “What do the kids call you?”

    “Mummy and other mummy,” Sam quipped. “We’re rotating all day,” Allie added.

    Without proper understanding, stigma persists. That’s how myths like “queer parents turn their children gay” or “children of two-mother families are more likely to be bullied” continue. And while it’s certainly not the responsibility of parents like Allie and Sam to educate folks on the realities of queer parenting, it’s great that they do offer genuine insight.

    And thankfully, they are usually met with positive reactions from people, Allie tells Upworthy. Which only further encourages them to answer more question and offer glimpses into “different types of families.”

    At the end of the day, families are made up of people who love and support one another. Everything else is just window dressing.

    Check out even more heartwarming family content from Allie and Sam on Instagram and YouTube.

    This article originally two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Gay dad has a forceful response to a 7-year-old who called gay people ‘the devil’
    A child looks really upset on a playground. Photo credit: Mick Haupt/Unsplash

    Robbie Pierce, his husband, Neal Broverman are no strangers to bigotry. The men and their two young children were traveling on an Amtrak train in California in 2022 when they were harassed by a fellow passenger at a stop in San Jose; an incident that made headlines.

    “All of a sudden, there was a man standing there next to me,” Pierce told The Advocate. The man told their son, “Remember what I told you earlier. They stole you and they’re pedophiles,” Pierce recounts. The man also said that gay people are abominations. (Broverman is the editorial director for print media at Pride, The Advocate’s parent company.)

    The police were called and the man was thrown off the train, but the incident was a frightening reminder that gay families could be the target of bigots any time and anywhere, even in liberal Northern California. “It’s a new level of homophobia out there,” Pierce added.

    Seven months later, Pierce’s son was the victim of harassment, this time from a child at a park.

    LGBTQ parenting, religious trauma, gay families, homophobia, parenting and religion
    A tire swing at an empty park. Photo credit: Dakota Lim/Unsplash

    “A random unattended 7-year-old at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil,” he recounted in a viral X thread. “My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so.”

    Maybe it was the incident months prior. Maybe it was a lifetime of harassment and judgment. But whatever it was, in that moment, Pierce had had enough. He reacted to the boy’s hatred — which he probably learned at home — with his own lesson.

    “I told him parents made up God to make their Kids do what they want. His eyes got so big,” he wrote on X.

    It’s worth wondering: Did God really ‘say so’? Biblical scholars are split on the Bible’s true message around homosexuality. It appears open to interpretation, and it’s clear that many people choose to interpret the words in a hateful and negative way, going so far as to show their children that it’s OK to approach and confront gay people over their identities.

    Addressing complex issues like religion and sexuality with a young child, who’s a stranger, is a tricky needle to thread, so Pierce admits he had some reservations about his response. But he stands by his decision.

    “I’m sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I’m going to teach them to disobey you,” he wrote on X.

    As someone who has been harassed by religious, homophobic people in the past, Pierce took the opportunity to help steer a young child away from hatred. At the age of 7, most children believe whatever their parents tell them. However, Pierce planted a seed in the child’s mind that may one day encourage him to challenge his indoctrination when he gets older. The kid will likely remember that interaction for many years to come, and may look back at it with shame one day. That shame could be the much-needed catalyst for change.

    “I was shocked at first and then…well…you may have planted a seed to grow a fine human out of the little homophobic bigot he was being trained up as. I can’t argue with that,” one user wrote on X.

    The vast majority of commenters on X agreed with Pierce’s response to the child’s comment.

    However, some people thought Pierce’s response to the child was inappropriate.

    Bigoted words or not, it was still a child, and many people thought there may have been a more tactful way to teach the kid a lesson rather than invalidating his entire faith. Or perhaps Pierce could have tracked down the boy’s parents and given them an earful instead.

    One thing is clear: Something in our culture is definitely broken when we’re more intent on policing people’s responses to bigotry and hate versus addressing the root cause of these divides. The boy’s parents should be the one on trial in the court of public opinion for teaching their son that this kind of behavior is acceptable.

    No matter how one feels about Pierce’s reaction, what’s clear is that there is something very inappropriate about a 7-year-old child openly harassing LGBTQ families. The unfortunate problem is that this type of hyper-religious upbringing can cause lasting emotional and psychological trauma to a child. And it’s a common problem. A recent study in the growing field of religious trauma found that 1 in 3 Americans suffer from trauma related to religion at some point in their life.

    While we might be quick to dismiss the child’s behavior as innocent or simply as a symptom of growing up in a religious household, the more we learn about religious trauma, the more these children appear to be the victims of abuse. Hopefully Pierce’s words will help the boy rethink his relationship with his faith, and his parents, down the road.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Widow trying to keep husband’s memory alive for their kids strikes gold by finding his bucket list
    Leslie Harter-Berg’s late husband left behind a bucket list.Photo credit: Leslie Harter-Berg/TikTok (used with permission)

    Leslie Harter-Berg from Vancouver, Washington, lost her husband, Ryan, in 2019 when he died suddenly after an aneurysm and stroke. The couple was in Palm Springs, California after visiting Disneyland with their two sons, Wit (then 3) and Rory (1), when he passed away. “So I flew back from Cali as a single mom, solo business owner and widow, a term I thought only applied to old ladies,” she told Newsweek.

    In 2022, she found love again with a new man, Sol, and in 2023, they had a son, Rhys. “I feel very blessed and lucky that I was able to find love twice,” she told People. “I can only imagine Ryan telling me not to waste this one life I get.”

    The perfect way to celebrate her husband’s life with her children

    But she still wanted her two oldest sons to understand the amazing man their father was and to experience him in some way. So, every year on his birthday, they would do something Ryan loved, such as watching a classic film or playing with LEGO.

    In 2021, while going through Ryan’s belongings, she found a bucket list he had written in a high school journal. It paints a vivid picture of a young man’s hopes and core beliefs about family, friendship, and adventure. Since the bucket list was discovered, they have done something on it every year on Ryan’s birthday. Here’s the list:

    1. make a list of things to do before I die
    2. Make an independent film
    3. go on a road trip
    4. get a 4.00 GPA
    5. Go skydiving
    6. have a band (good)
    7. play in a concert
    8. Get married
    9. have kids
    10. stage dive
    11. make a website
    12. bungie jump
    13. take piano lessons
    14. learn to ride a unicycle
    15. live in a mansion
    16. play chess in a park
    17. Read the whole bible 5X + ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐
    18. go surfing
    19. learn to draw japanimation
    20. go jetskiing
    21. go snowmobiling
    22. drag race in a car
    23. invent something
    24. run in a marathon
    25. Be the best man at a wedding
    26. go to a public facility dressed as a pirate
    27. go to an art museum and appreciate
    28. ride in a taxi
    29. Build a 3 foot card tower
    30. live a riteous life
    31. learn to spell
    32. own a nice computer
    33. own a comfy couch

    One year, the family accomplished #26 in his life by dressing up as pirates and going out in public, and #16 by playing chess in a park. April 2, 2026 will mark the fifth year that the family has been checking things off his list.

    “My kids look forward to it every year!” she told Newsweek. “Especially as they get older and closer to the age Ryan was when he made it, I think it’s meaningful to get a glimpse into who their dad was.”

    @leslieharterberg

    When my husband died, my kids were 3 and 1. Raising kids while we’re navigating the grief of this wild world is no joke. #griefjourney #grief #parenting

    ♬ original sound – Leslie Harter-Berg

    “He lives on in his quirky little list”

    So far, the kids’ favorite activity on the list has been one of the most challenging.

    “My kids’ favorite was probably building the three-foot-high card tower, which proved almost impossible,” she told Upworthy. “One of my friends was determined, and it took about three hours to finally get the cards to stay in place. We threw a big party and ate Ryan’s favorite snacks.”

    After more than six million people saw her TikTok post about the bucket list, many contacted her to help her family complete it. One said they’d let them borrow their mansion to cross off #15.

    “Someone on Lake Michigan said he’d be in Japan and my kids and I could experience mansion life to cross off Ryan’s ‘live in a mansion’ bucket list item,” she said. “Tempting, but we opted not to take him up on it. It has been so sweet to see how the Internet has rallied to want me to help complete it. A web design firm reached out, offering to build a website, another item on his list. Many people in the comments said they’d want to check off Ryan’s items too, which means so much. He lives on in his quirky little list.”

    To learn more about how she worked to overcome her grief, check out her new memoir, You’re So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment.

  • Woman catches her dad dealing with a ‘work emergency’ at Disney World, and people are showing respect
    A dad admirably handled a "work emergency" without interrupting his family’s Disney vacation.Photo credit: themouselets/TikTok

    A vacation to Disney World is still considered the gold standard by many when it comes to family getaways. It has everything from good food to thrill rides, childhood nostalgia, and more.

    But all that joy and magic sometimes come at a cost. Not just the financial price tag, but also the hard work it takes to afford those tickets and arrange the trip—work that doesn’t necessarily end when you step foot inside the parks. One family learned this lesson the hard way, firsthand.

    The Mouselets are three siblings who’ve teamed up, using their shared love of all things Disney, to run social media accounts and podcasts where they share their favorite tips and secrets about the parks.

    Recently, they arranged to take their parents to Disney World, and the excitement was palpable:

    @themouselets

    the Mouselet fam is going back to Disney in May with a stay at the Grand Floridian!! (we’re renting points with @David’s Vacation Club Rentals ) #disneyvacation #disneyworld #grandfloridian #disneyparks

    ♬ Blame It On the Boogie (John Luongo Disco Mix) – The Jacksons

    Day at Disney World doesn’t go as planned

    But the trip quickly went off the rails when their dad had to deal with a “work emergency.”

    One of the siblings captured a hilarious video of their dad taking an urgent, serious call…while aboard the Magic Carpet ride.

    “My dad might be the only person in the world to take a work call WHILE RIDING THE MAGIC CARPETS,” they wrote in the caption.

    Unfortunately, the work didn’t end there for their poor dad. In other clips shared by The Mouselets, he’s forced to whip out his laptop at lunch, tap away at his phone while waiting for a show to begin, and even take another urgent call while dressed in full Mike Wazowski garb, of Monsters, Inc. fame.

    Their dad even brought an entire multi-monitor setup to their room at the Grand Floridian Resort to bang out a few spreadsheets (or something like that).

    The siblings edited it all into a brilliant, horror movie–inspired supercut:

    Video draws a huge response

    Even though they have well over a million followers on social media, The Mouselets could never have predicted how popular the video of their dad would become. To date, it’s received nearly five million views on TikTok and Instagram.

    Overwhelmingly, people are showing respect for their dad’s hustle:

    “Someone’s gotta pay for y’all’s vacation”

    “Taking the call is what pays for those trips.”

    “Disney doesn’t pay for its self”

    “I respect this man. The family appreciates his hard work.”

    In another post, The Mouselets clarified that they were the ones who arranged and paid for the trip, not their dad. Still, the video serves as a bittersweet reminder of what it must have taken to bring three kids to Disney World and instill in them a lifelong love—one that would later inspire them to start a business like The Mouselets.

    Put another way, their dad knew he had work to do but simply couldn’t pass up the chance to spend time with his kids. So, like many parents, he decided to “do it all.”

    “Work-life balance” and vacation, or time off, have become messy concepts

    Gen Zers are pushing back hard against hustle culture, but a lot of modern companies still expect employees to go the extra mile, work well beyond 40 hours per week, and stay digitally connected even during personal and vacation time.

    There’s something sad about watching Papa Mouselet miss out on what should be quality time, but apparently he’s not the only one. Commenters chimed in with their own “life goes on, even at Disney” moments:

    “me taking my college exam while in line for guardians”

    “i was in a meeting on the skyliner”

    “I have a park photo from the ride of my husband taking a work call on Haunted Mansion. Dad had to pay for the next Disney trip somehow”

    “Have done a full on Zoom on people mover”

    “I had a job interview on the dumbo flying elephants”

    “He’s not [alone], my husband does this too”

    Disney magic is powerful stuff, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere. The hard work and planning it takes often go unseen and unnoticed. Other times, unfortunately, the work refuses to wait until you get home. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a great trip.

    It all worked out for the whole family

    As for Mr. Mouselet, viewers were relieved to know he did, in fact, have a wonderful vacation—once he’d handled his business, that is.

    And not only that, but their dad now has a legion of fans who admire his work ethic and devotion to his family. Not a bad vacation, all in all.

  • A 13-year-old shares how he bravely protected a girl for being mocked for having her period
    Josue Carrizosa tells his dad Junior a story.Photo credit: Junior Carrizosa/TikTok

    Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear black Savage jackets. And some aren’t even 14 yet. Such is the case for Josue Carrizosa, who shared a piece of his day with his dad, Junior. His simple act of kindness brought Junior (and many others on social media) to tears.

    In a now-viral clip posted on TikTok, Josue sits on a carpeted floor and casually tells his father about something that happened at school that day. “A girl had her period mid-class, and she was wearing khaki pants. So it was showing right here.” (He shows on his thigh where menstrual blood might have appeared.)

    @juniorcarrizosa

    I’m so proud of my 3 kids. They amaze me everyday ! They are a reflection of me #proudfather #myoldest he set a great example without being asked to !

    ♬ original sound – Junior Carrizosa

    Empathy at a young age

    He continues, “And when she got up to walk to the nurse, everyone was laughing at her. But me and my friends, we were the nice ones. And I gave her my jacket…the Savage one? I gave her that one because it’s black, so you can’t see it.”

    Josue pantomimes wrapping a jacket around his waist to represent what his young female friend might have needed at the time.

    Junior asks, “Did she ask you for it?” Josue confirms she didn’t. “No, I just said ‘Here. Use my jacket.’ And then me and my friend took her to the nurse. And we got signatures for it.”

    “Do you know the girl?” “No,” Josue answers matter-of-factly, as he gets up and moves over to a desk area. Junior lets him know he’s proud: “That was nice of you!”

    Joeue Carrizosa, TikTok, kindness
    Josue Carrizosa. Photo credit: TikTok

    “Aligned with kindness”

    A young boy showing such profound, unprompted empathy is truly resonating with the online community. The clip has garnered more than 2.1 million likes and 61,000 comments from people sharing how impressed they are. (Many even want to put together a wish list of gifts to send Josue for his lovely good deed.) One commenter beautifully writes, in part, “He’s already aligned with kindness.”

    Another makes a checklist: “He knows about periods. He has empathy. He did something to help. He was comfortable telling his dad about it. Someone is raising a good man.”

    A self-described “girl mom” was extra impressed, writing, “As a girl mom, you don’t even understand how comforting this is.”

    This TikToker says what many are thinking: “We need more boys like this in the world.”

    Junior shares their story

    Upworthy had the honor of speaking with Junior, who shared that Josue has always exemplified this level of empathy. “When he was little, he came home one Christmas week and asked me for wrapping paper. He wanted to wrap his old toys for kids that didn’t have anything. His idea.”

    And this has become a pattern. “He has shown empathy in the past from giving to the homeless. And when we collected old pillows and blankets to pass out to the less fortunate.”

    Although Junior isn’t sure whether Josue and the girl stayed friends, he said his son has “a lot of friends because he’s the smallest in his class, but is one of the coolest, nicest souls.”

    When asked where that empathy might have come from, at least in part, Junior spoke with pride, saying, “He learned empathy from me because I have taught them to donate to the homeless since they were little.”

  • Parents are sick and tired of explaining why they ‘never want to bring the kids over’ for a visit
    A dad plays with his young daughterPhoto credit: Canva

    It’s a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones. It’s why people assume if you have family nearby that you’re “so lucky,” and that you’re overrun with free babysitting offers. Ha! If only.

    The bad news comes down to one phrase: “When are you bringing them over?” Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

    Now they’re sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

    Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

    A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to “bring the kids to them.”

    “My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them,” she writes. They constantly ask, “Why don’t you bring our granddaughter to come see us?”

    The post struck a nerve with parents, who chimed in with hundreds of passionate comments. The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

    Grandparents’ houses are rarely childproofed

    Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can’t get enough. In fact, they like to dedicate massive pieces of furniture only to housing their fine china, which they never use, but which is also extremely valuable and sentimental.

    And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they’ve earned the right!) that doesn’t make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

    parenting, grandparents, toddlers, family visits, childproofing
    Blue and white porcelain vases on a shelf. Phot credit: Canva

    “Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture,” the Reddit mom writes.

    Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

    Let’s be honest. Sometimes these “visits” are hardly worth the effort. After all, it’s hard to get much catch up time when you’re dutifully chasing your kid around.

    “They don’t understand that my 3 yo … is absolutely wild,” writes another user in the thread. “She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then … they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit.”

    A visit at the grandparents’ house is often not a fun catch-up time for mom and dad. It’s rare to get to sit down and have an adult conversation when they’re busy trying to play Safety Police. It’s common to leave one of these visits frustrating and like it wasn’t really a visit at all. 

    Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

    Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

    It seems easy to “pop over” but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath. In the case of the OP mom and her parents that are “just” 30 minutes away, that’s an entire hour of just driving, not counting any visiting time. If anyone’s ever driven with young kids, you know that’s an eternity! For a drive like that, you need snacks, you need entertainment. You may have to clean up spills, deal with traffic tantrums, or pull over to break up a fight. It’s really a lot of work.

    Naps and routines go to hell

    Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

    Chances are, the baby won’t nap in a strange environment and then you’re stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night. You can and will try, bringing your little pack-and-play and your best intentions, but the process will be draining and probably unsuccessful.

    And then guess what? You’re totally screwed when you go home later, yay!

    Kids with special needs require even more consistency

    Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors. This adds even more stress to parents and makes the visits even less fun and satisfying in the end.

    Explaining and mediating the generational divide

    parenting, grandparents, toddlers, family visits, childproofing
    A man holds his granddaughter. Photo credit: Canva

    Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

    Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

    Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

    “Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect,” says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

    But that’s not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

    Plus, it’s easy to forget that it’s hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

    “But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids’ moods and routines,” Slavens says.

    “So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face.”

    Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

    “First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young,” suggests Slavens.

    “Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan.”

    Ultimately, it’s a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids. We all have the same goal. Just look at how incredible it can be when everything goes right:

    “It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are … willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren.”

    Enjoyable, low-stress quality time is something everyone can get behind.

    This article was originally posted two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Mom says changing one communication rule in her home made it more peaceful
    A daughter reading to her mom.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Mom says changing one communication rule in her home made it more peaceful

    “Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage.”

    Some believe responding “What?” when your name is called is rude. Parents are often fond of responding to a child saying “what” with a good old-fashioned “Don’t ‘what’ me.” Others aren’t too bothered by it and think a more polite response is a bit too formal.

    Angelica Daniell, 38, currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina, says teaching her children to respond to their names with “Yes?” has brought more peace to her home. She was raised in a “What?” family, and changing the rule in her home has made a big difference.

    Are you in a “what” family or a “yes” family?

    “When you guys were growing up, and your parents would call you, and they’d say your name, would you say, ‘What?’ Because I grew up like, ‘what?’ You know?” she began her TikTok video.

    “Ever since my kids could talk, my husband taught our kids to say ‘yes.’ So if we call Ray, he’d say, ‘Yes.’ And then he needs to come—like, yes, I hear you, but I’m coming. You don’t stay in that place and talk to you from downstairs, and you’re upstairs,” she said. “I don’t know, I just thought that’s such a special and precious thing. And I love when I call my kids, and they say, ‘Yes?’ and they come to me. I can’t tell you what that does for me.”

    The big problem people have with using “what” as a response to a family member calling their name is that it makes them sound annoyed. It’s like they mean to ask, “What are you bugging me about?” or “What do you want?” By contrast, saying “yes” signals that you’re welcoming the request or favor and are ready to help.

    mom and daughter, chores, cleaning dishes, happy family, suds,
    A mom and daughter doing the dishes. Photo credt: Canva

    Not everyone agrees. “I definitely grew up as a ‘what’ type of family. I still don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not sure why people find it disrespectful,” one person said in the comments.

    “My mom always said, ‘Don’t what me,’” another added.

    “Even hearing ‘what’ even from other adults.. feels disrespectful,” said another.

    The discussion also pointed to a bigger issue. “Genuine question for adults currently in/raised in a ‘what’ household… do y’all answer ‘what’ at work when someone calls you!?” a commenter asked.

    Daniell believes that when children are polite in the home, it follows them throughout their lives. “Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage,” she told Newsweek. “If our kids say ‘yes’ to us, our hope is they will also say it to their teachers, friends [and] coaches.” 

    Napoleon Hill, author of the mega-bestseller Think and Grow Rich, believed that it’s important for parents to be polite to their children as well.

    “Politeness to others is usually born out of respect for the individual, which you learn as a child,” Hill wrote. “When you are treated with respect by other members of the family, you learn to respect them as well. The self-esteem that results from being recognized as a unique person by the people who matter most to you helps you develop the confidence necessary to succeed later in life. Politeness and consideration for others are habits that—once developed—usually stay with you for a lifetime.”

    When people debate whether it’s better to live in a “what” or a “yes” family, it’s important to recognize that manners start at home. Even though the “what” folks may think the “yes” folks are being too formal, the habits formed at home will help define a child’s life in the real world. Finding manners in school or the office is a lot harder when you never had them at home. 

  • Dad gleefully cleans his family’s bathroom with a car wash sprayer and people are inspired
    Using car wash supplies to clean a bathroom is genius.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Dad gleefully cleans his family’s bathroom with a car wash sprayer and people are inspired

    His use of car-detailing supplies for bathroom cleaning is next-level.

    It’s fair to say that most people don’t find great joy in cleaning the bathroom. But after seeing the way dad/”Renaissance man” Sebastian talks about deep-cleaning his family’s bathroom with car-detailing supplies, that could change.

    In fact, he doesn’t just talk about it. Videos of him demonstrating how he uses an automatic foam sprayer, brushes, wash mitts, microfiber drying towels, and more have inspired thousands of people to follow in his footsteps. That says a lot. This is bathroom cleaning, after all.

    In Part 1, Sebastian explains that once a month, he deep-cleans the bathroom, starting with dusting and vacuuming. First, he removes everything from the space. Then he uses a Swiffer duster and an industrial air scrubber to suck up all the dust he displaces (not a standard bathroom-cleaning tool, for sure). After dusting, he vacuums. Thoroughly.

    Then comes the fun part: the automatic foam sprayer.

    Sebastian mixes Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap, isopropyl alcohol (to disinfect), and water in the foam sprayer. Then he hoses down the entire shower, tub, toilet, sinks, and countertop with the foamy mixture, which is oh-so satisfying.

    Then he starts scrubbing with car wash brushes. Also so satisfying.

    Are you wondering how on Earth he’s possibly going to rinse all of that off? Fear not. He has a system.

    That system includes a spray bottle (with a design that puts all others to shame) and a squeegee. Spraying the foam with water keeps it from drying out and makes it easy to squeegee away. Then he goes in with a big, honking car wash mitt to remove the rest.

    The mitt might be the best part, though Sebastian gets particularly excited about the microfiber towel that comes next.

    “The best towel ever made,” he says. “It is a microfiber towel made by The Rag Company for the automotive detailing industry. And it is quite literally the most absorbent towel I’ve ever used in my entire life.”

    And he’s still not done. He cleans the remaining surfaces (window sills, tops of lights, top of the door frame, etc.) with castile soap. Then he goes in with sodium percarbonate (an eco-friendly oxygen bleach powder) to clean the sink bowls, toilet, tub, and grout.

    Then he rinses it all off with his superabsorbent microfiber towel, and voilà! A sparkly clean bathroom.

    People in the comments expressed how impressed and inspired they were by Sebastian’s cleaning regimen:

    “Wow. People’s minds are going to be blown. I did not see the squeegee or the puffy glove coming. 👏👏❤️❤️”

    “This inspired me to do a much-needed scrub of my own shower last night at 10:30pm, and for that I thank you.”

    “It has never occurred to me to clean a bathroom like this but honestly it looks very thorough!!”

    “This is SUCHHHHHHH a brilliant and effective way to clean a bathroom! My dad worked at a car wash for years and years and I feel like he would have loved this.”

    “Ok, I know the products aren’t sponsored but they should be. I am ready to BUY. This is a masterclass in adulting.”

    At viewers’ request, Sebastian and his wife, Lyndsey, created a list of his favorite cleaning products with affiliate links. However, Lyndsey also shared that they are donating all affiliate income to charity.

    Who knew bathroom cleaning could be so riveting? You can follow Lyndsey’s Instagram account for more.

Culture

Frustrated teen fixes neglected potholes for just $60 at Home Depot

Generations

Comedian nails why the Millennial midlife crisis is unique and how to deal with it

Life Hacks

Chefs share 7 frugal ways to ‘gourmet-ify’ the humble chicken breast

People Skills

Expert shares the one small habit that makes you instantly likable