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This essential photography lesson shows how selfies distort what we really look like

Don't be fooled!

selfie, image, focal length, dysmorphia

Evey Winters/Facebook, Vox/YouTube

What you look like in a selfie camera isn't really what you look like in real life.

We've all done it: You snap a selfie, look at it, say, "OMG is my nose swollen?" then try again from a different angle. "Wait, now my forehead looks weird. And what's up with my chin?" You keep trying various angles and distances, trying to get a picture that looks like how you remember yourself looking. Whether you finally land on one or not, you walk away from the experience wondering which photo actually looks like the "real" you.

I do this, even as a 40-something-year-old who is quite comfortable with the face I see in the mirror. So, it makes me cringe imagining a tween or teen, who likely take a lot more selfies than I do, questioning their facial features based on those snapshots. When I'm wondering why my facial features look weird in selfies it's because I know my face well enough to know that's not what it looks like. However, when a young person whose face is changing rapidly sees their facial features distorted in a photo, they may come to all kinds of wrong conclusions about what they actually look like.

Not that it should matter, of course. But we're talking about people living in a society obsessed with personal appearance. It's going to matter to a lot of people, and if they get the wrong impression of their face, some people will go to all sorts of lengths to change it. That's why understanding a bit about how focal lengths on cameras can impact what we see in photographs is vital.

Writer Evey Winters shared some of that education in a post on Facebook. She writes about this topic through a trans and dysmorphia lens, but it applies to everyone.

Winters points out that if someone is thinking of doing surgery to change their bodies, they should seek sources outside of themselves and a cellphone camera.

"I have dysmorphia and recognize that in myself," she wrote, "but even if I didn’t, there’s not a selfie I’ve ever taken that would accurately help me make choices about my face. Mirrors are slightly better only for their minimal distortions."

"If you want the best chance at getting good feedback pre-op about what you might want to change," she added, "I’d recommend a skilled photographer take a series of photos of you at different focal lengths and even then none of these will be entirely accurate as none of these employ humans binocular vision and filtering."

Winters shared a collage of photos of the same girl's face at different focal lengths to show the significant difference it makes. "Notice how in different photos this child’s eyes may appear to be slightly hooded," she wrote. "The nose appears enlarged disproportionately. Hairline seems to shift with every snap. So does jaw shape, face shape, and even the width and size of the ears."

The difference between each of these photos is significant, but the difference between the first and the last is stunning. Cellphone selfie cameras usually have an even smaller focal length than the 40 mm shown here (Winters points out that the iPhone 13 Pro Max selfie camera has the equivalent of a 23 mm focal length), so they distort facial features even more. It also depends on how far away from the camera you are—the closer you are, the more distortion you'll see. Lighting matters, too, but even the best lighting can't cancel out what the focal length is doing.

Vox shared a video specifically about the "big nose" phenomenon with selfies, showing how drastic the distortion can be.

As a parent of two teens and a young adult, I find these photos to be fantastic tools for teaching my kids not to put too much stock in what they see in a selfie. Far too many people are increasingly seeking out plastic surgery to change a nose or a forehead or a jawline that doesn't even really exist. Imagine looking in a funhouse mirror and thinking you need to do something to change how you look. Selfie cameras are basically mini funhouse mirrors. Smartphones and apps are getting better at making filters that adjust for those distortions, but none of us should be relying on selfies of any kind to see what we really look like, much less taking major measures to alter our appearance based on what we see in them.

Even if you have some physical feature you simply can't accept and want to change, make sure you get a skilled photographer to give you the most accurate picture of what it actually looks like. As Winters concluded at the end of her post: "Make sure you’re not reshaping your body for a you that only exists in selfie cams."

Thank you for the reminder, Ms. Winters.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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The super interesting reason why people in the past looked so much older than people today

It isn't just the hairstyles.

via Nick Denner/Flickr and Canva/Photos

How are these both high schoolers?

Have you ever looked back at your parents’ high school yearbook and thought that all the 11th graders looked like they were in their early 30s? Whether they were in school in the ‘60s and the kids had horn-rimmed glasses or the ‘80s with feathered hair, they looked at least a decade older than today's high school kids. One wonders if in 30 years, kids look at a yearbook from 2025 and see boys with broccoli cuts and girls with nose rings and they think, “What are they, 35?”

The folks at Bright Side did a deep dive into the phenomenon and found a few reasons why people looked so much older in the past than they do now. It’s a mix of how our minds perceive older fashion and why people age more gracefully in modern times.

Why did people look older in the past?

“Specialists have looked into this phenomenon, and it does have some scientific facts to back it up,” the narrator states. “It's not necessarily that our ancestors looked older; it's more that we appear to look younger. And younger as generations go by, that's because over time humans have improved the way they live their lives in the us alone over the last 200 years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A big reason people looked a lot older when photography became common in the late 1800s is that it happened at a time when we were making tremendous advances in public health. The 1880s to the 1920s were a time of rapid advancement, when we began to understand infectious diseases and how they spread. “We gained access after safer types of foods, and we understand the importance of clean water. Our individual lifestyle choices can impact the way we look,” the video says.

The way we work has also drastically changed how people look. Working in an office for eight hours a day in air conditioning will keep you a lot younger-looking than working all day as a Victorian chimney sweep. Plus, for people who work outside, sunscreen has made it much easier to protect our skin and decrease wrinkles.

Let’s not forget the importance of a straight, white smile. Advances in dental care also help make people look younger.

1970s girls, high school girls, girls in uniforms, old high school photos, nostalgia A "girl gang" in 1976. via Earthworm/Flickr

Why do people wearing styles from the past appear older?

Finally, there’s the clothes issue, and, yes, this does have a big impact on how we view the age of people from the past. “Our brains are wired to associate old trends with being old,” the video says. “For example, your grandpa might still have the shirt he wore in that 1970s picture, and it's because of that shirt that you retroactively associate that trend with being old, despite the fact that your granddad does look younger in the picture than he looks today. “

girls in school, '60s high school girls, class room, old-school cool, GIrls in class in the 1960s.via Phillips Academy/Flickr

In the end, the fact that people look a lot younger today than they did in the past is a testament to how the quality of life has drastically improved since cameras were first invented. However, that doesn’t mean that fashion has improved at all. You have to admit that your dad with that fly butterfly collar in his 1977 graduation photo looks better than that multi-colored, Machine Gun Kelly-style hoodie you see guys wearing in high schools today.

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Millennial dad of 3 unloads on boomer parents over their unreasonable holiday plans

"Yeah, not this time," he said. "I think for the holidays I'm just gonna stay in and relax."

via Canva/Photos

A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

The holidays are supposed to be a time for enjoying special moments with family, but often they become a source of stress. Traveling, navigating familial relationships and tensions, talking politics at the dinner table, and handling the all-encompassing issue of "presents" can wear down even the most patient and even-keeled person. It can be especially challenging for parents with young kids who are expected to travel long distances in the name of "family togetherness."

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate to the frustration of grandparents having unrealistic expectations related to visiting with the kids.

In the satirical video, a husband stages a conversation with his "practically retired" baby boomer dad, in which he explains politely but firmly that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” Together, the mom and dad share funny skits and slices of their life with three little ones.

The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says while absurdist music plays in the background.

@carrerasfam
Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will 'take care of them,'” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes. Most parents eventually realize that visiting with the kids does not equate to getting help with them — no, it means chasing them around frantically yourself until it's time to leave.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

millennials, baby boomers, parenting, dads, moms, babysitting, grandparents, parenting tips, family, love, kids All parents feel like this when it comes to spending time with the grands.Giphy

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home. What's especially frustrating is the pressure and expectations. Parents are often guilted for not wanting to pack up the the kids and travel, even though it's not hard to see why they hate it so much.

The video struck a chord with many millennial parents. Nearly 500,000 people watched the clip with hundreds and hundreds pouring in to vent their own similar frustrations.

@carrerasfam
Something needs to change #parenting #parents

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes.

“The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

"My mom asked me to drive 13 hours with our 2 month old…she doesn’t work and has flight points," one mom added.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

"They can never make the trip for us but they can make them trips to Europe and cruises to the Caribbean," another user noted.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

millennials, baby boomers, parenting, dads, moms, babysitting, grandparents, parenting tips, family, love, kids See ya next year, grandpaGiphy

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids. In some cases, it's a little more complicated — many baby boomer grandparents are still working and have less time and resources than previous generations did to help with the kids.

"Yeah, not this time," the dad sums up in the video. "I think for the holidays I'm just gonna stay in and relax."

It's a hilarious and relatable video, but ultimately, it's a skit. The power of boomer-grandparent guilt remains undefeated in many households, so the smart money says the Carreras family sucked it up and traveled for the holidays despite their annoyance. Here's hoping that together, we can eventually break the generational curse when our kids become parents one day.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to literary genius Leo Tolstoy

He was a master of understanding the human condition.

en.m.wikipedia.org

Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy.

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as War and Peace and Anna Karenina. His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Julian de Medeiros, a TikToker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent—and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

intelligence, thinking, thought process, humanity, humans An intelligent man's thought process.Canva Photos

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

@julianphilosophy
Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women

De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

In a 2024 opinion piece for Inc., author and speaker Jeff Hayden cites organizational psychologist Adam Grant, who says, "Generosity isn't just a sign of virtue. It's also a mark of intelligence. Data: people with high IQs have more unselfish values, give more to charity, and negotiate better deals for others. They prioritize the long-term collective good over short-term self-interest. It's smarter to be a giver than a taker."

Hayden adds on to this statement, saying, "...You can also be smart enough to be generous, thoughtful, and kind. You can be smart enough to build people up instead of tearing them down. You can be smart enough to give before you receive (or better yet, with no expectation of reciprocation.) You can be smart enough to shift the credit from yourself to others."

kindness, intelligence, humanity, human condition, be kind Kids showing kindness through sharing. Canva Photos

In other words, these findings certainly line up with what Tolstoy's take on the correlation between kindness and intelligence.

Through Tolstoy's musings, de Medeiros (and Hayden and Grant) makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence: truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Xennial parents share how they're healing generational parenting wounds with their own kids

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life."

Image via Canva

Xennial parents discuss how they parent differently than their Boomer and Gen X parents.

Xennials are those born from 1977 to 1983, and sandwiched between Gen X and Millennials. Xennials grew up with Boomer or older Gen X parents who they claim may have led with harshness (and some toxic parenting traits) that they are trying to correct.

In a Reddit Xennial forum, member @Montawked shared: "My 8 [year-old] didn't brush her teeth last night, so there was no dessert tonight. I warned her yesterday, natural consequences and all, but she made her choice. Tonight she is bawling about it," she wrote.

She continued to share, "I said, 'I know you're upset, but is this something to cry about?' My inner voice said, 'I'll give you something to cry about' WHOA. HOLD UP. Subconscious messaging from my boomer parents popping in! I would NEVER say this to my kids. Wtf were they thinking? Shared with my hubby, and he said his folks said that and 'I brought you into this world....' Cheers to us breaking the cycle."

The poignant moment touched other Xennial parents who resonated with her on how they are healing generational parenting wounds in their own families, and inspired conversation between them about their experiences. These are 15 of the most compelling responses from Xennial parents.

kids, hug, hugging, hugging kids, parents hug kids Happy Sound Of Music GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy

"My kids recently saw spanking of children in a movie and were really confused, I had to explain it and they thought it was a wild concept." —@miuzzo

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life." —@andy_nony_mouse

"My kids KNOW they’re safe with me, they know I’ll always have their back. I can’t recall ever having that feeling of safety as a child." —@HeslopDC

emotional, i love you, tearing up, crying, feelings Season 1 Nod GIF by SHOWTIMEGiphy

"My mom said both. When my dad used the 'I brought you into this world line', you would think he drop kicked a puppy. Suddenly she was quizzing him on our birthdays and how long every delivery took and trying to get him to even be able to say what hospital we were born in. My dad was at all of our births. He drove. He was there the whole time. He’s him, and he couldn’t even remember what planet it was on, let alone what hospital. After he ran away because he couldn’t answer even what order we were born in, she looked at us and said 'never let anyone take your story from you. It’s yours. You’re mine. You’re my story. You’re part of his story, you ARE my Story.' And that was it. Every time someone says their father said it, I remember that moment. I can’t imagine any other father having the audacity to say they brought anyone into the world — they didn’t. The woman did." —@TangledUpPuppeteer

"My dad never said that but he did say 'your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still soft.' Which I always found hilarious." —@geriatric_tatertot

"I definitely got the 'something to cry about' bit from my dad, which usually did include the ass whooping it implied. My mom would occasionally go for wordplay, like if I was asking for a pop she might raise a fist and say 'give you a pop alright!' but with her it was always just a joke." —@Fackrid

cry, something to cry about, parent, parenting, tough parenting Spanish Latina GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy

"I think 'something to cry about' was my dad too, and mom would say 'wait til your dad gets home' although she also spanked us if she had a paddle for it. She used her hand sometimes too but “couldn’t do it hard enough” then." —@PrismInTheDark

"My mom said both to me along with telling me that's what she had me for when I complained about having to empty her ashtray. It's amazing she doesn't understand why we aren't close." —@SuspiciousCranberry6

"I was going to knocked into next week. We actually played a game where my older sister knocked me into next week and I would pretend to be all confused." —@idontknowhowaboutyou

mad mom, angry mom, mad parent, angry parent, parenting phrase Dont Make Me Come Over There In Trouble GIFGiphy

"My mom used to say 'you’re cruisin for a bruisin'." —@Holmes221bBSt

"My kid is being raised very very differently than how I was." —@sidvictorious

"Having kids, that whole line 'this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.' Oh that is so not true, that’s not how anger works. I get wound up too. Time out is as much for them as it is for me." —@gnrlgumby

because i said so, that's why, mad parent, angry parent, frustrated parent kaitlin olson mickey GIF by The MickGiphy

"Don’t forget 'because I said so!' I’m staying away from that one and actually explaining the 'why.' Works so much better." —@esmerelda_b

"My brain still recites the stuff I heard as a child but I would never say it to my own kids. I’m revolted at even hearing my inner voice say it. I heard that the first thought you have is based on your conditioning and the follow up thought is who you really are. This resonates with me. The conditioning is hard core." —@HeslopDC

"I struggle with this too. My youngest also has some emotional reactions that my wife and I find to be extreme relative to their stimulus. Crying over Fortnite. Crying over being asked some questions. Crying over every little thing. It is exhausting as a parent. I try to to carefully say, 'it's okay to cry, but is this really something that we need to be this upset about'? I hope I am finding the right balance compared the belt-to-ass up ringing I got." —@Rockdad37

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parenting wounds

'She's a hero.' 4-year-old's quick thinking saves her teacher's life after she collapsed

"It was a shock to me to see that she knew exactly what to do in a situation like that," her mom shared.

Photo credit: Canva

Kids have better instincts than we give them credit for.

We do our best to teach our kids everything they need to handle what life throws at them, but sometimes they are simply born with the right instincts.

When four-year-old Kyndal Bradley saw her daycare teacher collapse due to a seizure, leaving the entire classroom alone without an adult, she knew exactly what to do. Rather than freezing up or crying, she immediately went to get help.

Without this fast action, her teacher would have been in serious trouble—as in, a life or death situation. But luckily paramedics arrived in time to take the teacher to the hospital.

As reported byWSMV Nashville, Taylor Moore, Kyndal’s mom, had no idea of this brave feat until she went to pick her little girl up that afternoon.

“They were like, ‘She’s our hero for the day,’ and I’m kind of looking like, what happened?” Moore shared.

Understandably, this news was unexpected. Though Moore had been teaching Kyndal a few basics, like her phone number and home address, she “never thought to introduce what to do if an emergency arises, so it was a shock to me to see that she knew exactly what to do in a situation like that.”

At the same time, Moore told WSMV that Kyndal has a natural "nurturing spirit,” and is always taking care of her fellow classmates, so in some ways, it’s not that much of a surprise. Regardless, Moore is “very proud” of how Kyndal handled the situation.

And how’s this for heartwarming? When asked if there’s anything she’d like her recovering teacher to know, Kyndal simply said, “I love you.” What pure sweetness!

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Down in the comments, viewers also hailed Kyndal a hero.

“I have epilepsy, that little girl is so brave. I know adults who are petrified by the thought of a seizure occurring near them. She’s gonna be a caretaker of some sort when she grows up. Good job baby. Keep up the good work, keep helping people in need.”

“Great job mom. What an amazing little girl you have.”

“What a great example of great parenting! Teaching this precious little girl to be nurturing and caring to others! Her caring and concern for the needs of those around her and her mom teaching her emergency skills amazing! This little lady is a little hero !!! God bless her and her mom for teaching her to care and what to do in an emergency!!!”

“What a heartfelt story!! This is what the world needed to hear because of the chaotic times that we are in. Not only is she beautiful and quick on her feet, but she is very intelligent.”

Moore hopes that this moment acts as a reminder for parents to “not underestimate” how their own littles might fare in a crisis, and to start teaching them skills sooner rather than later.

“They’re little, but they may be our saviors, so they need to know how to react.”

Preparing kids for emergencies

nashville, nashville news, positive news, good news, daycare, emergency preparedness A child dialing 911Photo credit: Canva

In most emergency situations involving kids, a major skill to learn is how to successfully handle a 911 call, even when nerves are at play. That means making sure they know how to give their phone number and address correctly (just like Moore taught Kyndal), to state whether someone is ill or hurt, and to know if they need to leave the area before calling (in the case of a fire, for example). In this day and age, it’s also super important that they know how to unlock a mobile phone and dial on it.

It’s also vital for kids to understand how to recognize when a medical emergency might be happening, whether it be a person collapsing, like in Kyndal’s story, or simply gasping for air.

On the preventative maintenance side, families can do emergency planning together, including bringing the children in on creating emergency kits and doing practice runs.

And, as Moore said, it's equally crucial to trust that kids will know what to do with the lessons we try to bestow onto them.

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