As a Gen X parent, the things my teen and young adult kids fret about often surprise (and occasionally amuse) me. For instance, texting anyone older than them causes far more consternation than I would have expected.
I would have guessed that growing up with texting as a standard form of communication would make Gen Zers confident in it, but texting their elders often stresses them out. They know that Gen Xers and Boomers text differently than they do, but their generational habit of reading into text details makes those differences feel like a minefield of potential missteps and misunderstandings.
Thankfully, most of their fears are simply unfounded. Here’s the advice I gave them to help ease their worries:
Gen Z, know thyself
Understanding the way different generations text is almost like learning different dialects of a language. To understand the differences, it’s important to first understand the ins and outs of how you communicate amongst your own people.
As Gen Zers, you grew up texting, which came with creating all kinds of slang and text-specific “rules” that aren’t part of the older generations’ dialect. Basically, Gen Z has assigned meaning and intention to words, emojis, and punctuation that simply does not extend up the texting age chain.
That can be both problematic and beneficial when messaging with elders. On one hand, you can’t assume that Gen Xers and Boomers will understand the nuances of text communications the way you do. On the other hand, the fact that they don’t fully grasp those nuances actually makes texting older folks a lot easier than you might think.
Gen X tells it like it is
The beauty of Gen X is that we’re pretty unfazed and generally straightforward. We will ask direct questions and tell you what we think and assume you’re doing the same with us. You don’t have to read into how we text because being clear in our writing was instilled in us from a young age. Accordingly, we will take your texts at face value.
For instance, with Gen X, a thumbs up means, “Got it.” As in, “I got and understand the message. Sounds good.” It’s pretty much never a passive-aggressive response, so do not assign Jennifer Lawrence’s sarcastic, “Yeah, okay, buddy” facial expression meme to a Gen X thumbs-up. It literally just means, “Okay, cool.”
In fact, do not assign any ill intent behind any emojis with Gen X. We use them for fun and with wild abandon. We pick whichever color heart emoji we feel like using, with no attention paid to their ever-changing meanings. For us, emojis are fun, colorful additions to our message, not things that might carry hidden or deeper meanings.
Also, if we mean for a period to be aggressive, we will literally spell out the word “period.” As in, “No. Period.” If we’re just saying, “No,” we will often add a period out of habit because it’s technically a complete sentence. “No.” simply means “No,” with no added oomph behind it.
(Granted, some Gen Xers have adjusted to the texting standard of not using end punctuation, but many of us are still clinging to grammatically correct texting. It’s not a judgment of you or your generation; it’s a desperate attempt to keep some semblance of order and predictability in this era of chaos.)
With Boomers, pretend you’re writing an old-timey letter
Boomers are perhaps the easiest generation to text, as long as you don’t treat it like texting. This is the time to pull out the old-fashioned letter-writing skills and put them to use.
While Gen Xers will often have a decent grasp of common texting abbreviations, Boomers usually won’t. It’s best to just spell things out for them: “Let me know” instead of “lmk,” “On my way” instead of “omw,” etc. Do not assume they will know what any texting acronyms mean, no matter how commonly used they are.
As far as emojis go, Boomers either won’t use them at all or they’ll use them excessively. Do not expect their emoji use to make sense, even if they get the concept. Boomers are just as likely to write “laughing out loud” as they are to use a laughing emoji. Just roll with it.
Keep in mind that your Boomer grandparents had landline telephones and handwritten letters as their only non-in-person communication tools for most of their lives. The fact that they are texting at all is pretty impressive. Meeting them where they’re at with it by using full sentences, correct capitalization, and punctuation is a nice way to bridge the generation gap. Challenge yourself and have fun with it.
The bottom line: use the right filter
If you filter how you write and read texts through the lens of each generation, it’s actually quite simple. My kids now laugh and say things like, “I just have to remember that so-and-so is Gen X” when they’re texting an employer or family member so they don’t overthink what they’re sending or receiving.
It’s actually made them understand their elders a little better in real life, too. Our text styles do spill over into face-to-face communications in some ways, with Gen X tending to tell it like it is and Boomers doing their best to keep up with ever-changing technology. And older generations would do well to learn how younger generations text, too, for mutual understanding if nothing else.
