For most of human history, multigenerational living was the norm. In many cultures, it’s still commonplace for kids, parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents to share the same household.
However, multigenerational living hasn’t been the norm in the United States for a long time. Modern American culture highly values independence and individualism, often attaching negative judgment to “living with your parents” as an adult. But the tide appears to be turning in the U.S.
From 1971 to 2021, the number of Americans living in multigenerational households quadrupled, from 14.5 million to 59.7 million. Since 2000, that number has largely been driven by people under 40 years of age. Pew Research suggests young adults marrying later and staying in school longer than previous generations may be the reason. But that’s just one part of the bigger picture.
What’s great about multigenerational living
Human relationship dynamics being what they are, it’s easy to find complaints about living with multiple generations in the same household. Parents drive us nuts, kids don’t pull their weight, grandparents get grumpy, you name it.
But in reality, there are plenty of genuine benefits of multigenerational living.
Splitting household expenses
Homes cost money, not only in the form of rent or a mortgage payment, but also in utilities, taxes, insurance, and more. If those expenses are shared between more people, living costs less per person. Pew reports that families living in multigenerational households are less likely to live in poverty.
Of course, sometimes living with kids or grandparents means covering their expenses, depending on the circumstances. But ideally, each person contributes something to the household finances, easing the overall burden for everyone.
Saving on childcare
If the household has children, childcare often becomes a built-in part of the living arrangement. Grandparents can keep an eye on the kids while their parents run errands, or in some cases even while they work. Not all childcare arrangements work for every household, but in many cases, even just having extra adults in the home eases childcare responsibilities.
Sharing elder caregiving duties
Anyone who has served as a caregiver for an aging or ailing parent knows how hard that labor of love can be. Having grandkids on hand to assist with care can be a big help, relieving stress and strain and preventing burnout.
Companionship for older adults
For too many Americans, old age comes with isolation and loneliness. Living in a household with kids and grandkids provides built-in companionship. It can even provide a broader sense of community if those kids and grandkids regularly invite friends into the home.
Stronger cross-generational relationships
When kids don’t live near their grandparents or see them on a regular basis, it can be hard to develop close bonds. Having grandparents in the home makes it a lot more likely that they’ll spend quality time together and create shared memories.
Peace of mind
Parents worry about kids and kids worry about parents as they age. That worry is exacerbated by distance, so living in the same household reduces a major source of concern. When you live with an aging parent, you at least know where they are, you know they are safe most of the time, and you know they are being cared for. The same goes for young adult kids.
How to make it work for your family
Of course, not every family situation lends itself well to living together. But major dysfunctional issues aside, there are some best practices for making multigenerational living as friction-free as possible.
American Senior Communities (ASC) suggests the following:
Give Everyone Their Own Space
Ideally, everyone should at least have their own private bedroom. Room dividers or bookshelves can help separate spaces, if necessary. If communal spaces feel too crowded or usage becomes an issue, creating other dedicated spaces for reading, watching television, or specific hobbies might be in order.
The key is to try to make everyone as comfortable as possible in their respective spaces.
Talk About Boundaries
Make sure everyone’s expectations and boundaries are discussed and agreed upon before moving in together. Writing these agreements down, even if it feels too formal at the time, can prevent misunderstandings later.
ASC suggests discussing at least these five questions before moving in together:
What does “helping out” really mean?
How will we handle money?
How much privacy does everyone need?
What happens if someone needs change?
How will we keep communication healthy?
Think About Safety
Many inexpensive home modifications can make a significant difference in safety and confidence for older adults, and many don’t require major remodeling. Things like grab bars, brighter lights, night lights, non-slip flooring, handrails, and lever-style door handles are pretty simple fixes for safety concerns.
Schedule Family Check-Ins
Needs often change as families grow, so regular conversations about the household can ward off conflicts that might arise. A monthly consultation around the dinner table, where everyone can discuss what’s working and any needed adjustments, can do wonders to maintain unity and make sure everyone’s needs are met.
Care for the caregivers
“One of the most overlooked realities of multigenerational living is that caregiving, even when done with love, can become physically and emotionally exhausting,” ASC points out. Finding ways for caregivers in the household to get respite helps ensure that they stay healthy and avoid getting burned out.
Consider making some simple ‘house rules’
A house rule doesn’t need to be a specific “do” or “don’t,” but having some agreed-upon behaviors and habits in the household can be helfpul.
ASC offers some possibilities:
- Address concerns early instead of letting frustration build.
- Hold a monthly family check-in.
- Assume good intentions.
- Respect differences in parenting styles, routines, and opinions.
- Celebrate what’s working, not just what needs fixing.
Families might also have cleaning duties and schedules set, and have an explicit rule about always cleaning up after yourself in shared spaces.
Multigenerational living may not be for everyone, but if the trend holds, it may be for a lot more families than we’ve seen in the past couple of generations. With some planning and intention, it can be a positive move for everyone.
