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Mom documents positive parenting on TikTok and the heartwarming results in her kids

Positive discipline takes time and effort, but it's totally worth it.

@lauralove5514/TikTok

Respectful parenting is far more effective than some people believe.

Parenting isn't easy. In fact, it's really freaking hard. Raising humans through the various stages of development, navigating their unique needs and personalities, helping them develop the tools and skills and qualities they will need to be contributing members of society, all while feeding, clothing, housing and making sure they're getting an education? It's a lot.

And unfortunately, many people weren't raised with good parenting examples to learn from. Abuse and neglect of varying degrees are incredibly common, so a lot of people find themselves floundering when it comes time to raise their own kids. So often, people want to do things differently than their parents did but don't know what to do instead.

Positive discipline has been around a long time, but many people don't really understand how it works. Some may see it described as "gentle parenting" or "soft parenting" and assume it's lackadaisical in some way. Some may think of it as weak or ineffectual. Really, nothing could be farther from the truth.

A mom on TikTok known as LauraLove has gained millions of followers sharing her positive parenting adventures with her two young sons, Jonah and Carter. It's not all sunshine and roses—she's clear about how much work and repetition gentle parenting takes, and she's honest about when she herself slips into reactive habits. A recent viral video shows some of the results of this parenting approach.

In the video, LauraLove shares how she responds to several different parenting scenarios, then shows how her kids handle them weeks or months later. As she states, gentle parenting doesn't always yield immediate results (because it's not based on fear) but being consistent and patient pays off over time.

Check it out:

@lauralove5514

Gentle parenting doesnt always yeild immediate reaulya because it is nog fear based BUT if you are consistent, you WILL see them actively use what they learn ♥️ Be patient! #fyp #foryou #toddlermom #parenting #gentleparenting #breakingthecycle #positivediscipline #respectfulparenting #viral

Of course, that compilation doesn't show the whole story. She also shared a video that went into more detail on the spilled coffee scenario. She was initially upset so she modeled staying quiet until she had calmed herself, which also helped her son understand that the spill was a problem without shaming him. The natural consequence was that he had to clean up the mess, but he also got to learn about why it wasn't a good idea to slide it and how it impacted the person who was drinking it.

@lauralove5514

Reply to @mairenicadhla As requested, here is the whole video & how I responded 😳🤣 #gentleparenting #foryou #fyp #PassTheBIC #viral #toddlermom #momlife #parenting #positivediscipline

And yes, she did say "that really yummy coffee that you made for me." Her kids make food all the time, as is pretty normal for young kids being raised in a Montessori educational model.

@lauralove5514

Visit TikTok to discover videos!

(Don't worry, that knife is a toddler chopper, which cuts through fruits and vegetables but not through skin.)

Some of her most popular videos are when she gives her older son something from the fridge and sees what he does with it. His cooking skills are impressive. Just watch:

@lauralove5514

SO many request for another one of these! Luckily Carter told me in the morning he felt like cooking today so I surprised him after nap time with some onions 🤣🥰 #takeaNAIRbreak #foryou #viral #fyp #viral #montessori #cooking #recipe #toddlermom

("Where's my seasoninoningoning?" shall be my main kitchen mantra from here on out.)

Parenting is a long game, and positive discipline takes full advantage of that fact. Rather than seeing undesirable behavior as a character flaw to be squashed, gentle parenting looks for the underlying needs not being met, feelings not being expressed, or lessons not being understood and addresses those things. Positive parenting recognizes that children are simply learning and that harsh punishments will often lead to worse outcomes later on, even if they stop a behavior in the short term.

Thanks to LauraLove for showing what respectful parenting can look like and how effective it really can be.


This article originally appeared on 7.8.22

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He said sleep deprivation wasn't a big deal but these parents had very different reactions

It's almost like there's a reason men and women experience the early postpartum months differently.

Unsplash and girl fieri/X

It all started with a (kind of) innocuous post on X.

User Santi Ruiz prefaced his post by saying that he didn't want to "stir the parenting discourse pot."

He was, to put it lightly, not successful.

Responding to another user who had written (now deleted): "Sleep deprivation is for like four months and then you just sleep normally most nights."

Ruiz added on in a quote repost: "The sleep deprivation is fine. It’s totally fine. You suck it up and then it’s over. Grow up."

(Definitely sounds like someone who "doesn't want to stir the pot!")

With the pot sufficiently stirred, Ruiz's post began making its way across the X parenting universe, racking up over 1 million views (to just one thousand Likes... talk about being ratio'd.)

First on the scene were the blue-check dads excitedly agreeing.

"It's all fine. Literally, grow up," one wrote.

"Seriously, I get that it's not fun but stop being so soft," added another.

Another dad chimed in that he just drinks green tea for energy and feels great!

Another posited that if it was really so bad, there wouldn't be so many couples with more than one child!

Reading the replies, you got the sense that these guys really had no idea how the other half lives — or their other half, to be specific.

Luckily...

The moms of X quickly showed up to set the record straight about sleep deprivation being "not that bad."

Clearly, there is a disconnect between the experiences of the average dad in the early post-partum months and the experiences of the average mom.

Shocking, I know!

Could it be... that there's a difference between being the one who carried and birthed a baby and (in many cases) is responsible for feeding it with your body, versus just being there to help out as much as you can?

The stories women shared in the replies and quotes were heartbreaking.

Torture levels of sleep deprivation, hallucinations, and even becoming physically ill.

And probably most frightening of all was the revelation that becoming deeply sleep deprived could lead to a person harming their own baby in extreme cases.

It may come as a shock to the "just drink green tea and take a nap" guys, but chronic sleep deprivation can exacerbate postpartum depression, make you more irritable, increase anxiety, and even make you hallucinate.

For moms, you can pile that on top of the fact that postpartum recovery from the physical and emotional trauma of birth is a process that can take months — and is slowed and hindered by lack of sleep!

Sleep deprivation isn't just something parents deal with for a "few months."

While some people are blessed with babies that sleep early and often, that's not overly typical.

Many babies don't consistently sleep through the night until around 6-12 months old.

But that's not even the whole story.

Breastfeeding moms may have to breastfeed in the middle of the night for 6-18 months or even longer! Some bottle fed babies can stop night-feeding earlier (3-4 months), but many will go for 6 or more months.

Not to mention there are a laughable number of common sleep regression ages — developmental periods where your normally good-sleeper may have trouble. Some experts say there are six or more of these setback stages before your child even turns 2, which feels like a cruel joke when you're living through it.

That is a really long time to have your sleep disrupted every single night!

Even when the disruption becomes relatively minor, it can have tons of adverse mental and physical health effects when it goes on for such a long time.

Surprisingly, "suck it up" is not a credible treatment for chronic sleep loss.

There is one good thing to come out of this discourse: Everyone's mileage may vary. Some people's kids are great sleepers from an early age. Others aren't.

The OP may have wanted to stir up controversy for some extra followers, or maybe he just put his foot in his mouth based on his own not-so-bad experience.

But you can learn a lot by examining the discourse firestorm that came after.

If you truly want children but are scared of sleep deprivation horror stories, just know that it can be managed with the right support. It can be extremely harrowing but it's not a reason to deprive yourself of a family if that's what you want — you may not have it as bad as others have! A lot of the people chiming in to agree probably weren't ill-intentioned, just fortunate.

More importantly, maybe let's not invalidate other parents' experiences and feelings.

Saying that the sleep deprivation wasn't that bad for you is fine, but telling other people they're being soft and to grow up is mind-blowingly oblivious and unnecessary.

Tired parents need all the support we can get — and more importantly, maybe someone to watch the kids so we can take a nap.

parenting
Family

Millennial mom asks her own mom about raising a kid in the 80s and is mortified

"What did you do without Google?!"

@thedailytay/TikTok

"My anxiety could not have handled the 80s."

Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be—and probably are—doing it all very, very wrong.

Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, exemplifies this as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent.

First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)

“What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.

“Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it's healthy!”

“I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.

…Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?

“I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says.

@thedailytay My anxiety would have hated the 80s. Or maybe loved it? IDK! #fyp #millennialsontiktok #parenttok #momsoftiktok #comedyvid ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.

“If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.

Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.

Without missing a beat, Wolfe's mother says, “It's summer, I still have you.”

Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure.

From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.

That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.

“Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom."

Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”

I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.


This article originally appeared on 8.24.23

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motherood
Family

How young should kids start paying rent? Mom charges teenage son to have his own room.

Is he learning a lesson or getting taken advantage of?

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash and CottonBro Studio/Pexels

A mom counting her teenage son's rent money.

A single mother of 5, 4 boys and 1 girl, found herself in a bind. Her 16-year-old son was tired of sharing a room with his 14-year-old brother and wanted some privacy. The family lives in a 3-bedroom house, where mom gets a room and the youngest 3 siblings share one as well.

"Two months ago, my son and I were discussing his distaste for sharing a room with his brother and he said he'd drop out of school now if it meant he could move out into his own space," the mother wrote on Reddit's AITA forum. The teenager has a job and enough money to buy extras such as clothes, shoes and plenty of junk food.

"I told him I had looked at 4-bedroom rentals in our area, but they were just too expensive," the mom continued. "He asked if he could pay the difference if we did move. I told him no because during the school year all his money would be going to rent not his savings and his spending money. That obviously wouldn't sit right with me."

Eventually, the two came to a compromise. For $50 a month, he could have his mother's room. The mother would sleep on the pull-out couch and the other two rooms would be split among the other four siblings.

teen sleeping, rent, redditA teenage boy sleepingvia John-Mark Smith/Pexels

The mother is putting the money towards her Christmas fund, which will be used to pay for a summer trip after the holidays.

However, after talking to some of her friends, the mother began to have second thoughts about the arrangement. "They think I'm wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids, and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don't totally disagree," she wrote.

So she asked the Reddit forum if she was in the wrong for charging her son.

mom, upset mom, mom on computerA distressed mom looks at her laptop.via Alexander Dummer/Pexels

The responses were pretty divided on the issue, but most thought the mother was right.

"There is a wild difference between charging your underage kids rent and accepting $50 a month (that is going back to the kids) so a growing teenager can have privacy. No other children are getting less, and no one is abused by any means. Not exactly an ideal solution, but tricky problems require unconventional solutions," one commenter wrote. "I like the life lesson you are imparting. For the people saying that it's so terrible that you are charging him rent, I don't see it that way. Your son wants his own room to which he is not entitled. He works, he earns his own money, and wants something which he values. You're making him do what all of us have to do to get the things we want in life: PAY FOR IT!"

However, a vocal group of people thought the mother was in the wrong, not for charging her teenage son, but for not giving the room to her daughter, who is 9 and shares a room with her 7-year-old brother.

mom, reddit, rentA young girl wearing a scarf.via Janko Ferlic/Pexels

"Why is she not the priority when it comes to having a separate bedroom or at least sharing with you? At 9, she is at an age where it may seem like she is okay sharing a room with her brothers but she probably isn't. Girls are starting puberty and becoming self-conscious of their bodies at that age. They shouldn't have to worry about sharing a bedroom with their brothers," a commenter wrote. "So your 9 yo daughter is sharing a room with her brother? It’s time to find a better solution for your family. Your daughter is of the age that she shouldn’t be sharing anymore with boys," another added.

Plenty of people also judged the mother for having 5 children in a 3-bedroom house, but since they don't know the story surrounding her family's circumstances, that critique should be off limits.

Ultimately, the commenters agreed that the mother is doing her best in a challenging circumstance. It has to be incredibly hard raising 5 children as a single parent. Keeping them all happy in such close quarters must constantly stress everyone. Further, it seems that the 16-year-old son has his own job and can’t wait to leave the house so that the tight situation will loosen up in a few years.

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