1. You unilaterally enforce Mayor Bloomberg's soda ban.
2. Your friends feel like they have to explain themselves when they don't eat the healthiest foods around you.
3. Everything you know about dancing you learned from Michelle Obama.
4. Your friends are into murder mystery parties. You're into role-playing disease outbreaks.
5. Every day you gush to your friends about how much you love Beyoncé for promoting Let's Move.
6. Then you express anguish to them over her work with Pepsi.
7. You think the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is Disneyland.
8. You don't read nutrition facts. You react to them.
9. You insisted on following Obamacare through the Supreme Court like it was Judge Judy.
10. You're anxious and excited and can't wait for the opening of health insurance marketplaces. And you already have insurance.
11. You're a disease-outbreak hipster.
12. Your favorite Jonas is Jonas Salk, inventor of the polio vaccine.
"Who owns the patent on this vaccine?"
"The people, I would say. There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?"
13. "Contagion" is your go-to Friday night movie.
14. You're the only person you know who still uses "viral" in reference to diseases.