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You'll rethink the luxury of having your own mailbox after learning Luis' story.

A few weeks ago, one of the volunteers who staffs the check-in desk tapped on the doorjamb of my office.

"A guy on the phone — Luis — asked if we can send him his mail," he said. "The guy says it's really important."

I was working at a nonprofit that offers services that help people living on the streets acquire permanent supportive housing. Forwarding mail is not one of those services.

"Sorry," I replied. "Bethesda Cares' policy is that we don't forward mail. We'll hold it for people, but we can't forward it. Luis has to come get it himself or send someone with written authorization to pick it up." The volunteer nodded and went back to the phone.

I turned back to my work, but the volunteer was back within a moment. "He says he just got a job. The guy's finally working, but it's during all the hours that we're open. He can't get here and doesn't know who he could send. He says the mail has important ID stuff in it. He's afraid he'll lose the job if he doesn't have it."

Well, crud.

I understand why we don't forward mail for the 375 clients who use Bethesda Cares as their mailing address (liability, workload, cost), but Luis had recently got into housing and had a job. I didn't want to go against policy, but I didn't want to bust this guy's chops either. The volunteer and I brainstormed for a moment, and we decided that Luis could send me a self-addressed, stamped envelope and that I would get it back out to him, which is exactly what happened a few days later.

Having no mailing address pretty much stinks, more than you might think.

Practically speaking, people who are trying to enter or re-enter society have to create and re-create connections, paper trails, and systems of interactions with large commercial and governmental entities. If you don't have a mailing address, this task is nearly impossible. While a lot of correspondence is now done online, plenty of agencies that process crucial paperwork like IDs and benefits information still rely on the good old U.S. Postal Service.

Emotionally speaking, having "no fixed address" — which is how law enforcement and administrators refer to someone who is homeless — leaves you untethered. Maybe you have a bus stop you call your own, but you know that's not the reality. Having an address, a place where people can find you (even if only by snail mail), reaffirms your existence. It  confirms your identity, especially when you're desperate for any permanent elements in your life.

Knowing that friends, families, and agencies can find you, even when you yourself don't know where you're going to sleep, is an anchor.

So in addition to helping people find housing, Bethesda Cares allows clients to use its mailing address as their own.

And when I say "as their own," that's exactly what I mean: We want clients to use just our street address, without our organization's name. Adding "c/o Bethesda Cares" reveals their status as homeless, and we want them to have the dignity of keeping their current situation private if that's their preference.

Some clients check their mail only sporadically; they aren't really expecting much. For others, though, coming in to ask for their mail is an important weekly touchstone. It's a layer of routine in their otherwise chaotic lives. It's a reason to come in to our safe space, where they know someone will greet them by name, address them respectfully, offer some coffee and maybe ask how they are. It's a place where they can seek respite from the elements without being told to move along.

Most importantly, it's a reason to come into the place where they will eventually seek other services — like talking to a case worker about housing.

I'm well aware that our office mailing address is a sorry substitute for a home address.

But it's not intended to be a permanent fix. Every service we offer is designed not only to ease our clients' lives, but also to serve as a tool of engagement. It's a chance to say "yes" to someone who's become deeply disenfranchised in society, who is unwilling or unable to believe that anyone will consistently have their backs.

In order to use our address, clients must have an intake interview with a caseworker. We learn their stories and a bit about their immediate needs. And we get to say "yes" — "Yes, you can get your mail here," "Yes, come have a hot meal every day of the year," "Yes, we have clean socks for you."

And, eventually, "Yes, we can help you seek housing."

Homelessness represents the total collapse of support systems, both public and personal.

Rebuilding that shattered trust takes years.

Every touchstone we provide and every indignity we soothe brings that client one step closer to taking the leap of faith they'll need to apply for housing — the leap of faith needed to hope for something better after so many years of accepting the worst.

While our office guides clients on the long path out of chronic homelessness, our greater community has a vital role, too, in making sure that our clients know they aren't forgotten and that they are worthy of our time and our resources.

Anyone can help restore a person's dignity. Just find a local organization working to end homelessness and drop off a package of cookies. Drop off clean socks or unopened toiletries. Maybe include a note filled with kind thoughts.

That way, when clients come in to check on their mail, you'll be helping to reinforce, in any way you can, that they matter.

This story originally appeared on amylfreeman.com and is reprinted here with permission.

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Now's your chance to help someone doing good in your community win $1000 towards the charity of their choice

Upworthy and P&G are back with the #ActsOfGood Awards.

Images provided by P&G

Three winners will be selected to receive $1000 donated to the charity of their choice.

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Doing good is its own reward, but sometimes recognizing these acts of kindness helps bring even more good into the world. That’s why we’re excited to partner with P&G again on the #ActsOfGood Awards.

The #ActsOfGood Awards recognize individuals who actively support their communities. It could be a rockstar volunteer, an amazing community leader, or someone who shows up for others in special ways.

Do you know someone in your community doing #ActsOfGood? Nominate them between April 24th-June 3rdhere.Three winners will receive $1,000 dedicated to the charity of their choice, plus their story will be highlighted on Upworthy’s social channels. And yes, it’s totally fine to nominate yourself!

We want to see the good work you’re doing and most of all, we want to help you make a difference.

While every good deed is meaningful, winners will be selected based on how well they reflect Upworthy and P&G’s commitment to do #ActsOfGood to help communities grow.

That means be on the lookout for individuals who:

Strengthen their community

Make a tangible and unique impact

Go above and beyond day-to-day work

The #ActsOfGood Awards are just one part of P&G’s larger mission to help communities around the world to grow. For generations, P&G has been a force for growth—making everyday products that people love and trust—while also being a force for good by giving back to the communities where we live, work, and serve consumers. This includes serving over 90,000 people affected by emergencies and disasters through the Tide Loads of Hope mobile laundry program and helping some of the millions of girls who miss school due to a lack of access to period products through the Always #EndPeriodPoverty initiative.

Visit upworthy.com/actsofgood and fill out the nomination form for a chance for you or someone you know to win. It takes less than ten minutes to help someone make an even bigger impact.

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best of humanity
Science

MIT’s trillion-frames-per-second camera can capture light as it travels

"There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."

Photo from YouTube video.

Photographing the path of light.

A new camera developed at MIT can photograph a trillion frames per second.

Compare that with a traditional movie camera which takes a mere 24. This new advancement in photographic technology has given scientists the ability to photograph the movement of the fastest thing in the Universe, light.

The actual event occurred in a nano second, but the camera has the ability to slow it down to twenty seconds.

time, science, frames per second, bounced light

The amazing camera.

Photo from YouTube video.

 For some perspective, according to New York Times writer, John Markoff, "If a bullet were tracked in the same fashion moving through the same fluid, the resulting movie would last three years."


In the video below, you'll see experimental footage of light photons traveling 600-million-miles-per-hour through water.

It's impossible to directly record light so the camera takes millions of scans to recreate each image. The process has been called femto-photography and according to Andrea Velten, a researcher involved with the project, "There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."

(H/T Curiosity)


This article originally appeared on 09.08.17

From Your Site Articles
science
Joy

We've been Airbnb hosts for 7 years. We agree—cleaning fees and check-out chores are bunk.

This is why Airbnb guests actually make the best hosts.

Photo by Taylor Heery on Unsplash

People are right to complain about being charged a cleaning fee and being asked to do chores.

In 2016, My husband and I started renting our basement apartment out as a short-term rental on Airbnb. We live in a college town and figured we'd get some guests during football game weekends and graduations. We didn't realize how many people come to our town to visit their college kids or check out the school, so we were pleasantly surprised by how regularly we were booked.

In 2019, we bought the house next door and now rent out both floors of the old house as separate units. We love being Airbnb hosts and have had a very successful run of it, with hundreds of 5-star reviews, Superhost status and lots of repeat guests.

We also don't charge a cleaning fee or make guests do check-out chores. In fact, we find both things rather loathsome.

What makes us good hosts is that we've been Airbnb guests for years. As a family of five that travels a lot, we've found far more value in Airbnbs than in hotels over the years. We love having a kitchen, living room and bedrooms and feeling like we have a "home" while traveling. We even spent a nomadic year staying at short-term rentals for a month at a time.

When you've experienced dozens of Airbnbs as a guest, you learn what guests appreciate and what they don't. You see what's annoying and unnecessary and what's to be expected in comparison to a hotel. We started taking mental notes long before we started our own rental about what we would want to do and not do if we ever had one and have implemented those things now that we do.

As guests, we know the pain of the cleaning fee, so we don't charge one.

via GIPHY

It helps that my husband has a flexible schedule and grew up helping with his parents' janitorial service, so most of the time he cleans the apartments himself. We could charge a cleaning fee for his time and labor, but even if we were paying for outside cleaners, we still wouldn't put a separate fee onto guest bookings. It makes far more sense to us to just wrap the cleaning fee into the per-night price.

From a host's perspective, the one-night stay is where the cleaning fee question hits the hardest. Whether someone stays one night or 10 nights, the cleaning cost is the same. But spreading the cost over 10 nights is a very different beast than adding it to one night, especially from a guest's perspective. On the host side, if we had to pay cleaners without passing that fee onto guests, we've barely make anything on one-night stays. But on the guest side, a $100 a night stay suddenly jumping to $150 because a cleaning fee was added is painful, and often a dealbreaker. You can see the conundrum.

The way we see it, and as other Airbnb hosts have found, wrapping cleaning costs into the base price comes out in the wash over time, as long as you have some longer-term stays mixed in with the one-nighters. And it's a much better experience for the guest not to get hit with sticker shock on the "final cost" screen, which is already eye-popping when service fees and taxes are added on.

(I will say, this may only ring true for smaller units. If you're renting a huge home, cleaning costs are going to be higher just because it takes longer to clean. But I still don't think the full cost should be passed onto guests as a separate fee.)

As for check-out chores—asking guests to do things like start laundry, sweep the floor, take out the trash, etc.—those have never made sense to us. Hosts should have enough switch-out linens that laundry doesn't have to be started prior to checking out, and none of those chores save enough time for the cleaning people to make it worth asking guests to do it. I can see taking out trash if there wasn't going to be another guest for a while, but usually you'd want to clean right away after a stay anyway just in case it does get booked last minute.

The only thing we ask guests to do is to start the dishwasher if they have dirty dishes (as a guest, I've never found that an unreasonable request), lock the door and have a safe trip home. Don't need to pull the sheets. Don't need to take out any garbage or recycling. Those things don't take that long, but that's just as much a reason not to ask guests to do it. Annoying your guests by asking them to do something extra isn't worth the tiny bit of time it might save the cleaning people.

And you know what? This approach works really well. Approximately 95% of guests leave the apartments clean and tidy anyway. In seven years, I can count on one hand how many problems we've had with guests leaving a mess. That's been a pleasant surprise, but I think part of the reason is that guest are simply reciprocating the respect and consideration we show them by not making them pay extra fees or do chores on their way out.

To be fair, it probably also helps that we aren't some big real estate tycoon that bought up a bunch of apartments and turning them into short-term rentals run by impersonal management companies. People's complaints about how short-term rentals impact local housing economies are legitimate. We're more aligned with the original "sharing economy" model, renting out our home to guests who come through town. And in a small college town with a large university, there often aren't enough hotel rooms during busy weekends anyway, so it's been a bit of a win-win.

I think being right next door, having personal communication with our guests (but also leaving them their privacy), and not charging or asking anything extra of them makes them want to be respectful guests. From our perspective, both as guests and hosts, cleaning fees and check-out chores simply aren't worth it.


From Your Site Articles
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Education

Expert says there's only one laundry cycle you ever need, no matter what's being washed

Straight from Patric Richardson, the "Laundry Guy" himself.

Representative image from Canva

Because who can keep up with which laundry settings is for which item, anyway?

Once upon a time, our only option for getting clothes clean was to get out a bucket of soapy water and start scrubbing. Nowadays, we use fancy machines that not only do the labor for us, but give us free reign to choose between endless water temperature, wash duration, and spin speed combinations.

Of course, here’s where the paradox of choice comes in. Suddenly you’re second guessing whether that lace item needs to use the “delicates” cycle, or the “hand wash” one, or what exactly merits a “permanent press” cycle. And now, you’re wishing for that bygone bucket just to take away the mental rigamarole.

Well, you’re in luck. Turns out there’s only one setting you actually need. At least according to one laundry expert.

While appearing on HuffPost’s “Am I Doing It Wrong?” podcast, Patric Richardson, aka The Laundry Evangelist, said he swears by the “express” cycle, as “it’s long enough to get your clothes clean but it’s short enough not to cause any damage.”

Richardson’s reasoning is founded in research done while writing his book, “Laundry Love,” which showed that even the dirtiest items would be cleaned in the “express” cycle, aka the “quick wash” or “30 minute setting.”


Furthermore the laundry expert, who’s also the host of HGTV’s “Laundry Guy,” warned that longer wash settings only cause more wear and tear, plus use up more water and power, making express wash a much more sustainable choice.

Really, the multiple settings washing machines have more to do with people being creatures of habit, and less to do with efficiency, Richardson explained.

“All of those cycles [on the washing machine] exist because they used to exist,” he told co-hosts Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson. “We didn’t have the technology in the fabric, in the machine, in the detergent [that we do now], and we needed those cycles. In the ’70s, you needed the ‘bulky bedding’ cycle and the ‘sanitary’ cycle ... it was a legit thing. You don’t need them anymore, but too many people want to buy a machine and they’re like, ‘My mom’s machine has “whitest whites.”’ If I could build a washing machine, it would just have one button — you’d just push it, and it’d be warm water and ‘express’ cycle and that’s it.”
washing machine

When was the last time you washed you washing machine? "Never" is a valid answer.

Canva

According to Good Housekeeping, there are some things to keep in mind if you plan to go strictly express from now on.

For one thing, the outlet recommends only filling the machine halfway and using a half dose of liquid, not powder detergent, since express cycles use less water. Second, using the setting regularly can develop a “musty” smell, due to the constant low-temperature water causing a buildup of mold or bacteria. To prevent this, running an empty wash on a hot setting, sans the detergent, is recommended every few weeks, along with regularly scrubbing the detergent drawer and door seal.

Still, even with those additional caveats, it might be worth it just to knock out multiple washes in one day. Cause let’s be honest—a day of laundry and television binging sounds pretty great, doesn’t it?

To catch even more of Richardson’s tips, find the full podcast episode here.


This article originally appeared on 2.4.24

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Top Splash

People think a Weimaraner was a 'human in a past life' because of his classy table manners

He just sits there and enjoys the conversation.

via Liana S./Pexels

A respectable Weimaraners sits on the rug.

It’s incredibly rare to see a dog, especially a large one, sitting upright at a dinner table. It’s probably even more rare to see one that isn’t bothering with any food. That’s why a video posted by Federica Finocchiaro has captivated the public.

In a video seen over 2.3 million times on TikTok, Federica Finocchiaro shares how her dog, Grayson, a Weimaraner, is a very polite table guest.

“Does anyone else's dog just sit at the table?” Finocchiaro asked as she and her mother, Domenica Vinci, enjoyed breakfast together. “He just sits with us, and we didn't make him sit here... He just loves the company,” she continued.

Finocchiaro then shared a video of Grayson sitting with the family on Christmas. “My mom and I will come downstairs, or we'll be doing something and he's just sitting at the table casually,” said Finocchiaro. “He never tries to eat the food that we're eating—ever.”

@federicafinocchiaro_

Love u grayson #greenscreen #dog #puppy #funnydogs #fyp #wiemeraner #dogsoftiktok #dogtok #foryoupage #pup

Love u grayson #greenscreen #dog #puppy #funnydogs #fyp #wiemeraner #dogsoftiktok #dogtok #foryoupage #pup

Some people in the video's comments speculated about Grayson’s past. "He was human in a past life for sure," Ariel T wrote. “He thinks he's human,” David added.

"His love language is quality time," nonshowbizgf wrote.

Even though it seems strange that a dog would want to hang out at a dinner table, it could be because Weimaraners are very dedicated to their owners. “They can get depressed and act out if they are ignored,” the American Kennel Club wrote on its website. “This can lead to separation anxiety problems, notes the Weimaraner Club of America, so it’s important to teach puppies that there will be times when they will have to be on their own.”


Joy

'Tough love': Woman shares why husbands promise to be equal partners, but never change

"It doesn’t benefit him to change."

via Timur Weber/Pexels

A couple arguing on the couch.

Research shows that couples are becoming more egalitarian as it pertains to income. But when it comes to the division of domestic labor and taking care of families, there is still a considerable gap between the work done by men and women in heterosexual marriages.

Consider this: the average woman dedicates 4.6 hours per week to housework, while men contribute only 1.9 hours. Furthermore, women spend nearly 2 more hours on caregiving, including child-rearing than men.

Men and women are still having a hard time creating equal partnerships, and, more often than not, it means that women are the default parents of their children. They are also in charge of domestic duties and often have to make lists for their husbands and nag them to do their part.

​Abby Eckel, a popular social media wife and mother, thinks this needs to end and uses her considerable platform to push to equalize domestic labor. In a video with over 900,000 views, she explains the harsh truth of why some men take advantage of their wives and refuse to change.

This is a harsh truth. But it needs to be said. He simply doesn't care. 

@itsme_abbye

This is a harsh truth. But it needs to be said. He simply doesn't care. It should not take conversation after conversation after conversation for your husband/boyfriend/partner to list, learn, and change. It's because he doesn't care. It doesn't benefit him to change. Approaching your husband AGAIN to discuss household inequity is likely to fall on deaf ears because he has been EXPLOITING your time, energy and labor. And if he didn't care when he started doing it, he sure as shit isn't going to care now. And he likely knows there will be no consequence when he doesn't. Because again, this probably isn't the first time this conversation has been had. And nothing happened the last time you had, so why would it happen no? This is the very reason I tell women who are early in relationships, and those that are single - start out as you mean to go on. This requires setting boundaries for yourself and the person you're in a relationship with. Be clear and upfront on what you expect out of it, what you will and won't do. Because the second you start cleaning up his place, or your shared space, doing his laundry, looking after and caring for pets without setting firm expectations, you'll soon find yourself being the sole owner and doer of those tasks. And trying to set boundaries after the fact - AFTER a man has benefited from you doing it, isn't likely to happen. #marriage #datingadvice #relationshiptips #marriedlife

“This is going to sound harsh, but I think a lot of people actually just really need to hear the truth, and it’s because he doesn’t care. It doesn’t benefit him to change,” she says in the viral video.

“Approaching your husband again to discuss an issue, whether it’s household inequity, you not feeling considered, or you not feeling like he’s putting any time and effort into it, is likely going to fall on deaf ears because he’s been exploiting your time, your labor, your energy and if he didn’t care when he started doing it, he’s not going to care now,” Eckel continues.

Unfortunately, according to Eckel, if there are no consequences for refusing to be an equal partner, he won’t change. She equates it to parents who make threats to child children but don't follow through.

“Eventually, things are going to go back to how they were. You’re going to stop nagging him and he’s going to be fine with it. Until you bring it up again. And then again, nothing happens because there’s no consequences. So why would he want to change?” she says.

Eckel believes the key to avoiding this trap is to set firm boundaries at the beginning of the relationship.

“Be clear and upfront on what you expect out of it, what you will and won’t do,” she continues. “Because the second you start cleaning up his place, or your shared space, doing his laundry, looking after and caring for pets without setting firm expectations, you’ll soon find yourself being the sole owner and doer of those tasks, and trying to set boundaries after the fact — after a man has benefited from you doing it, isn’t likely to happen.”

Obviously, not all men have problems doing their fair share of domestic labor in a family. Eckel made another video in which she shares the positive qualities that an equal partner brings to the table.

"I don't have to make him a list."

"I don't have to ask him to help with things around the house."

"He knows how to shop at the grocery store without pictures."

"He doesn't expect me to handle everything alone."

"He plans date nights without me having to beg for it."

"He does his own laundry."

"He makes his own appointments."

"My stocking has never been empty."

"He makes his kids' lunches in the morning."

"He makes his son's therapy appointments and takes his son to them."

"He doesn't believe that just because he goes to work, he shouldn't have to do anything when he gets home."

"He takes a genuine interest in me and my interests."

"He knows how to fold towels."

"He takes our kids to bed and knows our teachers' names."

"He doesn't make me feel bad if I'm not in the mood."

"He acknowledges and appreciates what I do and tells me often."

"He does basic adult tasks without being asked."

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