Too Many Women Don’t Have Fun In Bed. Maybe It’s Because Their Partners Never Took This Class?

Rebecca Eisenberg

OK, I'm gonna be straight with you here. This sketch features the word "b*tch" like more times than I can count, and the audio is 150% NSFW.

HOWEVER, I still think it's worth watching because they're playing characters (in more ways than one), what they have to say is actually pretty good advice about respect and mutual satisfaction in relationships, and the ending made me laugh out loud because, c'mon ladies, if we had the opportunity, we'd do the same, wouldn't we?

T. Ray Tombstone: What up, homies?

Sir Bruce Michaels: Welcome to . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: . . . Cunnilingus Class.

Sir Bruce Michaels: I'm Sir Bruce Michaels.

T. Ray Tombstone: I'm T. Ray Tombstone.

Sir Bruce Michaels: And we're here to teach you all how to . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: . . .go down on bitches right.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Now bitches ain't being satisfied, so check it.

T. Ray Tombstone: Quit ... on that clitoris so damn hard.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Bitches don't like that nonsense.

T. Ray Tombstone: That's like putting the tip of your penis in a vacuum.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Y'all need to . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: . . . chill on the clitoris.

T. Ray Tombstone: Go around that business.

Sir Bruce Michaels: That's like a button made of a million penis
[tossers].

T. Ray Tombstone: Now every bitch like her cunnilingus a little bit different.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Vaginas are like snowflakes.

T. Ray Tombstone: Snowflakes is different. Learn your bitch's snowflake.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Ask your bitch what she wants.

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: Then do what she says.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Some bitches like it in a circle.

T. Ray Tombstone: Some bitches like it up and down.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Some bitches like it hard.

T. Ray Tombstone: Some bitches like it soft.

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: Communicate with your bitches.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Make the alphabet with your tongue.

T. Ray Tombstone: A, B, C, D.

Sir Bruce Michaels: And when she grab your hand like she gonna pull your damn hand off . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: . . . stick with that letter.

Sir Bruce Michaels: I'm talking about B.

T. Ray Tombstone: Or D, D, D.

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: Vaginas deserve respect.

T. Ray Tombstone: You don't want someone slapping around your little homie.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Ah, ah, ah, ah. You, with the hat.

Man 1: Yo.

Sir Bruce Michaels: How you like your BJs?

Man 1: Damn, dog, all the time.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Shut the ... up.

T. Ray Tombstone: That's 'coz penises is easy.

Sir Bruce Michaels: And vaginas is hard.

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: They're confusing.

T. Ray Tombstone: Imagine, there's an explosion at the envelope factory.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Flaps everywhere. A world of flaps.

T. Ray Tombstone: And you need to lick your way out of the factory.

Sir Bruce Michaels: But every bitch's flaps is different.

T. Ray Tombstone: Learn your bitch's particular flaps.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Flaps be . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: . . . be crazy.

T. Ray Tombstone: Every flap need to be listened to.

Sir Bruce Michaels: And then you will get out of the factory alive.

T. Ray Tombstone: Stay down there.

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: Plan your breathing like you're swimming.

Sir Bruce Michaels: You gotta to be talking about . . .

Sir Bruce Michaels/T. Ray Tombstone: Stroke, stroke, breathe. Stroke, stroke, breathe.

T. Ray Tombstone: All right. Let's take a five minute break.

Sir Bruce Michaels: And when we come back, we're gonna talk about warming your bitches up before you get busy.

T. Ray Tombstone: And how to last for more than two damn minutes.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Take a peach and practice.

T. Ray Tombstone: Practice on a peach.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Take a peach and practice.

T. Ray Tombstone: Practice on a peach.

Sir Bruce Michaels: Take a peach and practice.

T. Ray Tombstone: Practice on a peach.

Real Instructor 1: I think it's gonna work.

Real Instructor 2: 30 down, 3 billion to go.

Both laugh maniacally.

There may be small errors in this transcript.

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