In 2 Minutes, This Comedian Will Give You A Better (NSFW) History Lesson Than 2 Hours At A Museum

Eric March Curator:

OK, so he's ... pretty angry. And vulgar. But sometimes, when faced with a glaring, unaddressed historical injustice of epic proportions, I'd say angry and vulgar is appropriate.

Transcript:
Show Transcript Hide Transcript

I was in Washington, D.C. three years ago, and I went to this Smithsonian exhibit about diamonds, diamonds from across the world throughout history. And there was a picture of Koh-i-noor and a caption that read, "The Koh-i-noor is one of the largest diamonds in the world. It is found on the British royal crown and was originally found in India in the mid-1800s."

Right, it was just "found" in India. It wasn't taken from India, it was just found there because we didn't know what the fuck they were, folks. We didn't know what the fuck diamonds were.

No, it's totally reasonable, we're fucking eating them, we're fucking eating them, we didn't know. We were just grinding them up, putting them into curry, you know what I mean? "It's diamond biryani, yay, it's Thursday! Diamond biryani day."

Fuck Stove Top, kids, we got diamonds. But luckily the British showed up. Ooh, and first they thought us how to use our opposable thumbs all right, and then they taught us how to walk on two feet, and they took those evil diamonds away before we had something else to do with them.

Man, fuck the British, fuck them. I know it sounds ridiculous to be bitter, but the Queen of England; fuck the Queen of England. That's just some old white bitch wearing my grandmother's jewelry.

"Oh shit, the Queen of England, son! Edgy, oh! I was offended. I'm a colonial time traveler from Britain! I can't believe that."

There may be small errors in this transcript.
About:

Original by Hari Kondabolu. Hari is brilliant, hilarious, and brilliantly hilarious. He's on Twitter. He's on YouTube. He's on Tumblr. And look! He's been on NPR. For more background on the Koh-i-Noor diamond controversy, this article, despite focusing on the British perspective, gives some good context.

Topics:

Next bit of Upworthiness:

Flash Video Embed

This video is not supported by your device. Continue browsing to find other stuff you'll love!

Hey, Internet Friend. Looks like you're using a crazy old web browser, which is no longer supported. Please consider upgrading to something more modern—for a better experience, and a safer time online. We only want the best for you.

Download Google Chrome, and try it for a week. Don't think about it, just do it. You'll thank us later.