Having Sex With A Couch Is A Lot Different Than Sitting On One. Shouldn't Every Child Know That?

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Not all drugs were created equal. And our kids shouldn't be told that, either.

NSFW: Lots of language.

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Steve Hofstetter: I did a show for High Times, which was such a weird show. I did the show because I feel that our government stance on marijuana is hypocritical. However, I didn't wanna do the show at first cause when I was a kid, all I learned about pot was that its a gateway drug and if I start telling pot jokes, I could end up telling heroin jokes. Start doing jokes about cocaine, I'll end up in an alley sucking dick for punchlines. That's not right!

Pot is not a gateway drug unless the gateway is to the couch in your mother's basement, Beyond that, its not, the only reason pot could lead to another drug is just because we tell kids drugs are bad and we don't tell the difference between the drugs and I think we ought to educate them, you know. Pot could lead to the couch in your mother's basement. OK. On ecstasy you'll fuck the couch. That's a different drug. On crystal meth, you'll take a couch apart, piece by piece, then put it back together, you know. On a bad trip, the couch will attack you and on cocaine you will sell the couch for eight dollars. So that's actually a pretty good deal considering what its just been through. Take the money. Craigslist that shit.

Anyway you guys are clearly a cocaine crowd. That's classy, I like that. Responded way more to cocaine than the other drugs. I know right away if I'm playing a crystal meth crowd because they'll be like "That joke is so funny man. This stuff is so good." I'm like dude that's awesome, now clean my house.

I just think we need to be honest when it comes to drugs. We have no honesty, we have commercials that say pot supports terrorism right? Pot supports terrorism. That's confusing to me because I was under the mistaken impression that what supported terrorism was actually Humvees driving down city streets getting seven miles to the gallon while running fractions of immigrants and I had no idea it was pot. What a simple premise. That means this war has been about pot. Well fuck it. We'll invade Vancouver. Anybody with me?

If pot supported terrorism, that would make Snoop Dog a war profiteer and we know that can't be true cause we would get him. We know where he lives. We all saw Cribs, you know? Just break down his door. Be like, "Snoop, we've got the place surrounded. Drop it like it's hot. Come out with your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care and somebody say oh yeah."

There are my stoners. There you are. Hey if you're stoned, its perfect. We're recording this. We can play it back for you. It'll sync up perfectly with Wizard of Oz. So enjoy that. I just said Paul is dead backwards. Keep up.

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Original by Steve Hofstetter. He's got some more great stuff over on his Facebook page and on his Twitter.

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