Adults Hilariously Describe Their Misconceptions About Lovemaking And Where Babies Come From

Civilization pretty much depends on sex, so why hide from the sex education conversation?

Transcript:
Show Transcript Hide Transcript

When I was little, I didn't have any brothers. So, I didn't really know where the penis was on the body. I knew what it looked like. I knew it was between the legs. I wasn't sure where. I was very confused by how people actually had sex because of the angles. Because I knew the vagina was a hole at the bottom of the girl, and the penis was something coming out of the bottom of the guy. So, I thought all sex had to be done like feet first. I kind of just thought people were scissoring all the time. Or, like the guy had to be doing a handstand with his legs separated, and then the woman would just like get on the bed or something and hop onto him, onto his dick.

When I was a kid, my parents told me and my sister that boys have penises and girls have paginas. I don't know if they thought like the "v" like we were too young to understand the "v" letter. When we were like 6 or 7, they bought us a sex ed tape. There was a part on it where the guy goes, "Now, some of you might have heard that it's 'pagina,' but that's incorrect. It's actually pronounced "vagina," like apparently this is a common problem. What is the point of that? What if I had never seen that tape? What if the first time I brought a girl home, I was like, "You know, you have a really beautiful pagina."

When I was a kid, I thought that the first time that a guy went to second base with me, I was just going to have an orgasm. I thought that his hands on my eighth-grade boobies... I should not say that. That's really creepy. I thought it was going to be like light fills the air, my eyes roll back in my head, like God comes down, and touches my finger Sistine Chapel style. It was on a bench in the middle of a party. We're French kissing. Then, he starts fiddling with my bra. He can't get it, but it's OK because the anticipation is building. He puts his hands on my boobs, and just does nothing with them. It would just be like an alien coming to Earth and not knowing how to use anything, and just like ripping grass out of... Just to see what happened. I didn't have my first orgasm.

During the first year that I was having sex, I was at the store buying condoms, and I saw there were these condoms that are specially designed to make you last longer. I'll just use those, and then I'll just be a superhero between the sheets. I went over to her place and, you know, one thing led to another, and I put it on. It turns out, actually, there's a numbing agent inside the condom, and after about 10 seconds, my penis was completely numb. A little while later I tried again, and this time it was a lot better. And I was like, "Oh, my God. Thank God. It's going great." It turns out that it was going great for me because I had put the condom on inside out, and after about five thrusts, I had completely numbed her vagina. Less than romantic.

There may be small errors in this transcript.
About:

College Humor created this video. Follow them on Facebook and Twitter. Also, if you'd like to learn more about how to talk to your kids about sex, click here. Thumbnail by Thinkstock.

Topics:

Next bit of Upworthiness:

Flash Video Embed

This video is not supported by your device. Continue browsing to find other stuff you'll love!

Hey, Internet Friend. Looks like you're using a crazy old web browser, which is no longer supported. Please consider upgrading to something more modern—for a better experience, and a safer time online. We only want the best for you.

Download Google Chrome, and try it for a week. Don't think about it, just do it. You'll thank us later.